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I know we have at least ONE fan who’s been hoping to see my feet and Delia’s feet together:

:: see also: Oh, that’s just BRAZILIANT! ::

Two BIG sparkly disappointments today have me seeing flaming orange (which is not all bad):

DISAPPOINTMENT NUMBER ONE:

We both got pedicures, plus Delia got a manicure and I got my brows done. VERY nice, right?

I was inspired by Delia’s fingernail polish color choice so opted to have it on my tiny toes. The color is Essie: Braziliant.

Delia had everything ready when I got home to shoot a set of pictures featuring me and my freshly-pampered feet, but unfortunately as I got into the car to come home, the door swung shut and nicked my big toe, wrecking the polish on that piggie. Boooooo! I smoothed it out pretty well for daily-wear, but it’s not photo-perfect. Which is okay because it was stupid to plan to shoot right after I got my brows waxed and have a mask of redness around my eyes.

DISAPPOINTMENT NUMBER TWO:

Our aesthetician told us about this awesome new Liberace movie starring Michael Douglas . . . with MARKY MARK FUCKING HIM!!

Man, I was so excited, thinking Mark Wahlberg had totally redeemed himself. But then I got home and looked it up. It’s MATT DAMON, not Marky Mark. That’ssssssss just totally different.

I still want to see it and all (as a child in the seventies I *loved* watching Liberace with my grandparents, and recently found out that young Elvis got lots of styling and presentation tips from him very early on), but . . . yeah. It would have been SO much better with Marky Mark fucking him.

Thanks to everybody who’s played a taboo role with me for fun, or even better . . . with me AND Delia (like DaddyW below).

Trigger alert: don’t click for more if you prefer to avoid seeing images containing any bdsm and/or suggestions of taboo role plays.

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Most people don’t understand how exhausting it is to dream all night. To be plunged into nightmares within thirty minutes of falling asleep. I’ve been told and read it’s a serotonin thing. A thing that happens to people who are depressed. Too much REM sleep, not enough deep sleep. You’d be fucking depressed too if you had my nightmares all night long.

I’ve been this way my whole life. Most people don’t believe me when I say that I dream “too much”. But I do. So I have also daydreamed for a long time of something that will make me dream less. I’ve tried a lot of things. But I’m not going to list all of the techniques and supplements and drugs here right now, just these two:

Turns out marijuana suppresses dreams. So does Clonazepam. Finding this out and combining the two before bed has been SUCH A FUCKING RELIEF! I still dream, but nothing significant or disturbing or painfully memorable for the first four hours. I’m fucking OUT! And it’s not CRAZY out like with amitriptyline.

So I’ve been enjoying smoking before bed and taking a very low dose (.5 mg) of Clonazepam nightly for a few months. Errrr . . . half a year. Plus.

While that’s awesome (the winter depression would have been even more unpleasant without it/them), and I’m super relieved to know this kind of restful sleep is possible for me, and grateful to be experiencing it, I don’t want to be reliant on it and I actually really don’t want to take drugs every single day and/or develop a tolerance to them and/or fuck my brains up more. So last night I tried sleeping without my new(ish) security blankets. I didn’t have a problem falling asleep without the weed and Klonopin — the problems I had/have are WHEN I’m sleeping.

IT SUCKED!

Not as bad as it could have been, but bad enough that when I painfully broke myself out of my nightmare sleep paralysis, I was like, “FUCK THIS SHIT” and took a stronger anti-anxiety med than the Clonazepam. And have been tired all day. So tired that I can’t write about it anymore, except to say that I’m well aware this is not the only health issue I need to work on. I’m going to have to keep tackling them systematically, gradually and with more help and patience, though.

Note: while I was concerned about a rebound or withdrawal effect making my sleep problem worse, my nightmares last night — though sucky — actually weren’t as bad as ones I’ve had in the past completely drug free. So either there’s not that much of a withdrawal problem for me OR I still had enough of all of that jazz in my system to cushion the blow. Maybe both? I don’t know. But I was relieved it wasn’t worse than many of the thousands of drug-free nights I’ve had in the past. While it may sound like I’ve experimented with a lot of drugs, I actually have been quite conservative in my personal use of drugs (including alcohol and caffeine) until recently. Unless you count food, games, sex and other means of pleasurable immersive escape (like BOOKS!), which I have overused compulsively off and on for most of my life.

As I mentioned before, I feel very exposed in the hair salon. Fortunately “someone” was naked in there with me today, so you get two cheater nudie pics in one!

Or wait . . .

. . . FOUR cheater nudie pics in TWO!

Today’s salon visit was pretty cool because Delia and I went in together AND we both still got to have “our girl” do our hair (she multi-tasked her butt off).

AND I found out that “my color” was not discontinued as previously feared!

AND (this is the best part!!!!) guess what the name of my color is????

{{{insert dramatic pause}}}

The name of my special color of blonde is STARDUST.

Most of you don’t even know how apropos that name is.

Freshly showered:

EAT IT!!!

Now that I have more (but not nearly enough by my standards) fat on my ass, it requires more maintenance to avoid smelling rank. The hair, the sweat, and the tightness of the crack with absolutely no wiggle room between the cheeks can really ferment into a lingering and distinctly assy odor.

Going to change my personal porn site slogan to "TastyTrixie: Ruining the Fantasy Since the Year 2000".

— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) June 10, 2013

We had a lovely day working in the yard and starting to get our pots filled with pretty plants to make our picture sets sweet.

Delia potted the Japanese Maple I got and pruned it a bit (even though I bought the wrong kind / the kind that desires to get much too big for a pot), explaining something about how you’re supposed to make your maple have levels . . . with just enough space for a bird to fly right through the tiers.

Delia, meditatively sculpting a Japanese Maple.

The weather was fucking awesome for doing yardwork: mostly overcast with blips of blue skies, and warm enough that when the rain started it just felt like gentle peaceful fingertips touching me rhythmically all over:

I love flowers and being naked in the rain!!

Note: if you think the carpet runner is ugly, it’s vastly preferable to falling and splitting my head open running back and forth between house and cabin when the wood is slick .

We took a walk and saw/heard stuff in the sky. Whenever I hear helicopters I grab for my phone to try to document it (since the ramp up of DHS “presence” out here, I’ve become very very very mad and suspicious whenever I hear helicopters, so I whip out the camera-phone before I even see what/who’s up there):

MUCH BETTER is this finch on a wire:

Shopping for plants, the nice lady showed me these baby birds:

Then it was night and Delia got all sexy to do some camming:

So I didn’t get naked or sexy . . . instead I watched her and masturbated:

I had to pee and have been really horny so I ripped out a test strip to see if I’m ovulating. Looks close (might have already happened, might still be on the horizon):

And pleeeeeease nobody tell me I could just as easily take my temperature and fondle my cervix and chart the consistency of my goo. That’s totally cool stuff and people should know how to do it, I just like the chemistry set approach better/find it more convenient and easy to do on a whim (and the sticks I order online are way cheaper than getting the bulky expensive tests at the store).

We are mostly just counting on the fact that we couldn’t get pregnant when we tried (SO HARD) and now Delia’s hormones are so girly that her sperm count is probably really low. On the other hand, I’m older now and may be at that stage of life where my body gives it one last super-ovulating gasp.

Mostly I just wanted to confirm what I’ve been feeling the past couple of days (crampy pinches and extra arousal = probably fertile time). I’m just really really glad that these first few months off the pill haven’t been total torture with no ovulation/weeeeeeeeks-upon-weeks of fucked-up PMS hormones.

On this day we were with family here, and there wasn’t an appropriate time to take naked pictures:

My sunburn has deepened.