TastyTrixie.com

Our friends Kristy and BeerCanMan have spent time with us on our spycams when they’ve visited. They know how it works having broadcast voyeur cams themselves for a time and have access to our sites so they can check our cams to see if we’re awake before they call or just . . . check our cams for fun to see what we’re doing. A number of our meatworld friends who are also porn colleagues have access to our cams so this isn’t unusual and our friends don’t report to us every time they peek in, but BeerCanMan did tell me that sometimes he and Kris hook us up on a big screen next to their regular tv via their xbox (or PS3 maybe?).

He said it’s like we’re all in the same room together, watching tv in bed like we do when we can get together in real life. They look over at the screen and there we are in bed, laughing and watching tv too and it’s almost like we’re really there. They can look over and see us, right there next to them.

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On Friday I got into an argument with one of the guys who now has control over that best spycam site we’ve been broadcasting on since 2002, SpyOnYou. The one with audio that our friends use to be in the same room with us and the best quality feeds of any of the adult voyeur cam sites out there. But also the one that’s been the biggest pain in the ass, too. The one I used to get paid to cam on, got fucked in a variety of unpleasant ways by the owner years ago, was no longer paid to be on but still couldn’t advertise my site there and last year was forced to start PAYING to be on and give our members access to it.

To make a long story short, over the weekend this guy disabled our access to the cams. (Note: we still have 24/7 spycams broadcasting on our sites through two other plugins). I wasn’t willing to keep paying for them without having more control and information and he was not willing to provide that information or treat us and our business with any respect or consideration or communicate with us at all except to demand money while moving up the date he wanted us to pay little by little each month and tell me it’s none of my business what the actual operating costs of the site are after we’d been led to believe something different by one of the other guys (the one that I *trust*). He screamed at me on the phone about how much his expenses are and how he’s just hanging on by a thread and then in the next breath refused to show me invoices for the hosting because “that’s personal!!!” Dude, you’re going to have to decide if it’s business or if it’s personal, because if it’s personal? Don’t cry about your expenses to me and ask me to help foot the fucking bill. We have expenses of our own and are hanging by our own threads.

I am used to being treated disrespectfully by camsites, but not having to pay them for that dubious honor.

This guy is part of the reason why our cams are often disconnected in the middle of the night without any warning or explanation, part of why the broadcaster has major problems, etc. when all of the other sites we broadcast on are usually extremely stable. But still, the quality was so much better when they DID stay up and there was the audio which the other spycam sites don’t broadcast. And really? The amount we were paying wasn’t unreasonable at all. Then again, he never responded when we indicated a desire to help pay the programmer to fix the software (which this guy now says he “owns” even though the programmer was never paid by them in entirety which is why it was left buggy).

So. I don’t know if I was just being an asshole or what, but after the way he behaved on the phone and made it his mission over the weekend to take down our cams and member access (and bizarrely and rudely Jess’ and Mina’s, too) because his ego was bruised BEFORE the thirty days I already paid for was up, I am glad to wash my hands of him and want nothing to do with him. I wish him well and everything, and especially two of the other people (Steven and Bonnie) that I worked with over the years at that company but after eight years I am done with wondering “what next?”

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Okay, I lied. I will never be done wondering “what next?”

I am wondering if what’s next is to partner up with our trustworthy cam friends to build a better spycam site:

Should we make MySpyCams.com someplace awesome?

We all have the vision and experience to know what would make it special, and more importantly WORKABLE for us as camgirls and for our members. But would it actually make money? Can we really afford the time and money to make it operate the way we envision it and without demanding MORE time and money we don’t have down the road?

I’ve been a camgirl since the year 2000 and have seen SCADS of people become giddy with the prospect of building their own camsites, dump tons of money and time into them, and FAIL MISERABLY. Of course they were different camsites — pay per view — but still. Knowing you COULD do something better than others who’ve gone before you and actually executing your supposed “genius” are two totally different things. On the other hand, this isn’t a crazy complex pie-in-the-sky scheme; mostly we just want to replace what we lost. And at least improve upon it a little. And while we’re at it why not make it totally fucking awesome?!?

Recently we’ve also seen well-established sites with lots of resources (time and money) make gigantic, huge, really fucked up mistakes (I’m thinking of Niteflirt and CCBill) in overhauling systems that basically worked and fucking the people who bring in their bread and butter. Of course I think part of that is that they have a fundamental disregard for the clients (I don’t mean the “end users” who pay for phone sex and porn site memberships, but phone sex operators and site owners) perhaps BECAUSE they have enough resources and can afford to make decisions from a huge distance from the people they will impact. Months later we have lots of  apologies and patched together fixes, but things are never quite the same (in the case of Niteflirt) and no one puts their money where their mouth is to compensate the people who got screwed (in the case of CCBill who should’ve lowered our processing rates/fees if they want us to think they really MEAN that apology; you know the programmers got assloads of money to make something substandard and force us to be their beta testers and lose money but what do we get? An apology! Nice, but it doesn’t make up for months of fuckery and trust lost with our partners – in my world if you make big mistakes you offer some freebies, discounts, etc.; god knows I have when it was the right thing to do even when I couldn’t afford to).

Point is, if these big companies with lots of dough can fail so miserably and hire programmers and project managers who TOTALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE DOING and send everyone’s shit sliding off the rails, how much easier would it be for US to fail miserably and not have the money to hire someone else to fix it? Do I really want to be part of investing time and money and friendships and friends’ time and money into ignorantly (because I know nothing about programming) searching for the right hosting and coders and programmers? That’s hard enough, just putting something like this together even if you DO have money, but when we’re all already putting everything we have already into the sites we already do have (and in our friends’ cases their other full time jobs)? And then what if we hire THE WRONG PEOPLE? Even if those people are well-intentioned and do their best and aren’t deliberately fucking you (and I truly do not believe anyone intended to fuck anybody at Niteflirt or CCBill, that’s just how it wound up; the rectum-ripping dick just wound up sliding right into people’s asses through bad planning, not malevolent intent), the end result could still find us wading in a morass of shit. I do not want to spend weeks, months or years unprofitably wading through shit.

But maybe I’m being fearful for nothing. This isn’t something I will be doing alone and everything could just as easily work out great as it could not work out at all. Still, there are potential headaches and risks even if we have an awesome site with perfect tools that practically runs itself. Some of those headaches and risks are called CAMGIRLS. If you are good at this shit at all, you’ve got a strong personality. Strong personalities working with strong personalities can be volatile, dramatic and time consuming, even if you avoid the former by doing a lot of the latter (consuming time) making sure you only work with people who have their shit together. But jesus fuck I know that’s not even fair or realistic considering *I* do not always have my own shit together and have been known to be a royal pain in the ass.

And how about liabilities? Porn is under enough legal scrutiny and persecution that even static content is risky; add in LIVE 24/7 camfeeds and you have the potential to get into trouble for all kinds of things, even on accident. I don’t even want to provide examples for fear of getting into trouble, but I will mention a couple of areas of concern: music broadcasting and accidental children sightings (not necessarily at the same time). Here’s a situation: maybe your sister comes over with her kids while you’re in the shower and before you had a chance to turn off ALL of your spycams and she brings her baby in the bedroom to knock on the bathroom door to let you know that she’s arrived safely at your house and you don’t even know the baby is in there until you jump out of the shower and open the door naked and then there you are NAKED on a PORN site with a BABY! And ohmygod the whole world is going to crumble because you have done the unthinkable!!!!! And your business will be ruined as soon as someone takes a screencap and sends it to the feds and your payment processor and visa and FOX news and the locals who didn’t even know you were making porn in their neighborhood and there was a BABY involved?!? That’s just a hypothetical situation though. That never happened to me last week at all I’m just describing how easily your life could be destroyed by participating in this industry and having a family. ONE FALSE MOVE AND THEY’LL GIVE YOU THE CHAIR!! Okay, you won’t get the chair but you could wind up in a business-destroying legal battle. Even a little snafu can ruin you. Normally I don’t worry overly much about these things, but that’s partly because I’m only risking mine and Delia’s asses as opposed to the asses of friends. I do not want to be a liability to people who trust me.

So the next question (which should’ve been the FIRST question) is whether or not this has the potential to make money. While I actually have a lot more faith than I seem to have that we could build an awesome site that virtually runs itself (we aren’t trying to do anything nearly as complicated as other camsites; it doesn’t need to be fancy) I have serious doubts whether or not this would actually pay for itself (development and monthly hosting) let alone make extra money as a stand-alone site or even just as a promotional tool for the exhibitors, especially if we don’t have the time or budget to promote it heavily out of the gate. So would it be worth it if it just pays for itself and is a reliable, high-quality plugin for our members? The truth is that all of us are really struggling with the sites we already have and I don’t even know if that many of our members care that much about having the higher quality cams with audio and a chatroom we control (rather than a chatroom where we can’t link to anything offsite, can’t “promote” ourselves, and have to follow their rules, which is understandable but very limiting when you can’t even link to a news article when you’re talking about shit that’s going on in the world). There are so many places you can get explicit and entertaining cam feeds for free now that it seems foolish to think we can compete with a for-pay model where the cams don’t even promise anything exciting; most of the time we’re just washing dishes or blogging or crying over the most recent dip in sales.

The funny part, though, is in my heart of hearts I vehemently believe our camsite would be special and offer something a lot of people (camgirls/boys/couples AND customers) would appreciate and recognize as valuable. After writing all of these fears and doubts and well-reasoned concerns I am too attached to these spycams to let them go. Even though we still have assloads of spycams broadcasting right now! It’s just not the same on those plugins without audio. I am extremely ATTACHED to the idea of a camsite owned and operated by the people ON them who feel the same way I do about them and promotes THEM as much as the camsite itself. Even more than that I am extremely attached to the idea of making something GOOD, and since we would be working with other people that seems a lot more attainable than Delia and I trying to make something good alone.

I am also very attached to the part of my identity that’s been a “camgirl” all of these years. A lot of the experiences I’ve cherished most as a webwhore over the years are exchanges we’ve had via our spycams. There is a raw authenticity on the spycams with audio that’s incredibly intimate BECAUSE it is often so mundane (and when it’s not mundane is all the more intense because of the contrast). There is a dailiness and reliability and easy sharing that I think is a tremendous and comforting gift. While part of me craves more anonymity and less-ready accessibility, a large(r?) part of me is massively attached to providing this spycam experience and I don’t want it to just be mediocre.

I’ve been relieved the past couple of days not to have the audio on our spycams, but also have felt painfully aware that people are missing out on being close to us and knowing what is going on, even if that is nothing very “entertaining”. How will they know we’re laughing at Star Trek? How will they survive without hearing our Captain Janeway impressions?

I started talking REALLY LOUDLY. I don’t know if it was just because I *could* without sounding weird or if it was because I thought maybe people could hear without audio being broadcast if I JUST ENUNCIATED REALLY CLEARLY. Without even thinking about it, I’ve begun exaggerating my facial expressions to try to communicate without sound. Part of my life is knowing you are out there, watching and listening, for better and for worse. It’s like one of my limbs has been amputated and I’m trying on different prosthetics.

Anyway, I don’t know if all of these attachments are good. Maybe I should break away from something that is turning me into a bizarre version of a silent film star wannabe. I can’t seem to decide if this is a business decision or a personal decision. As a business decision it will depend on how much it costs to build. I think my struggle is more personal, though. I’m torn between “these cams are my identity and I love them” and “I really need more time away from work and more time focusing on CREATIVE static work; building another site and business entity with tech that if it goes down would need IMMEDIATE attention so as not to fuck customers and exhibitors doesn’t sound like a good way to get less stress and more private, in-my-head creative time AT ALL.”

So you know how I said I don’t want to spend weeks, months or years unprofitably wading through shit? I’m not even sure I would want to wade through shit for extended periods of time PROFITABLY. As much as I want this lovely spycam site to work out, the truth is there are many other things I want even more. I’m getting to an age where a couple of priorities/desires to create are rising to the top  and realizing that I will have to give up some (a lot of?) things if I ever want to immerse myself in what I want MOST. But I guess I’m still having a hard time letting go of the delusion that I can accomplish way more than I’m probably capable of. I suspect I’ll be happier when I fully accept my limitations and give myself over to one or two things that I want with gigantic private bigness, but apparently I’m too attached right now to these other things. But I could DEtach myself from them right now if I chose to. And this does seem like a perfect opportunity to do so that wouldn’t be a big deal to anybody but myself. So what if our voyeurcams aren’t the best and don’t have audio? SO WHAT? WHO CARES?? My life just got easier!! Why not embrace that??

I just realized, though, that I *can* quit/pull out of this at any point if it doesn’t work out. And right now it’s working out FINE to go forward. Or maybe it’s not. A month before taxes are due I should be making as much money as I possibly can, not spending time and energy on something that won’t be ready to make money for months, if ever. I’ve already dumped more time and energy into this lately than anything else. Hell, in the time it took me to write this tormented blog entry I could have been doing something USEFUL like promoting Delia’s site (which is really ALL we should focus on selling if we really want to make money fast) or at least working on my own site. But spycams are PART of both of our sites, right? Right!!

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Thanks for letting me muddle through that. While I sound uncertain, the truth is my mind is already made up that I want MySpyCams.com to work and I feel like I’ve already committed to it.

PLEASE NOTE: I am *not* looking for advice by posting this, I’m just SHARING the process in case you’re interested in reading it. Blogging about it helps, but even with all of these words there are a world of details I’m leaving out so it doesn’t put anybody in a very good position to “advise” me. But that doesn’t mean I won’t solicit feedback and help later! AND you’re WELCOME to share your own stories of similar dilemmas or relevant anecdotes/observations – I would love that! And if you have any recommendations for hosting, programmers, etc. THAT would also be awesome, or if you want to volunteer (or advertise as for sale) your own talents, that TOO would be fantastic! We’ll have a form up later for people who want to actually broadcast on it and more details about how that would work, requirements, etc. All in good time . . .

I wanted to get an update (a boobs ‘n masturbation video) posted for members much sooner than tomorrow, but tomorrow it will have to be (along with Delia’s update, a very hot foresty photo set which I still need to edit since she’s in LA).

The reason my videos won’t be ready TONIGHT is that my day was totally interrupted by a couple of PROBLEMS. A fairly large problem with someone being a total shithead to me on the phone and threatening to remove our access to our favorite spycam site that we’ve been broadcasting on since 2002. It could be counterproductive for me to go into the details, but I hope he doesn’t fuck us and our members that way.

My heart was already pounding away even before that extended drama because the pit bull returned and was roaming around in our yard again. Fortunately it was totally chill with our (old, tired, tied-up) dog for the short amount of time they were sniffing each other before I got the owner to come get it, but in the space before that (seeing it first in the neighbor’s yard wondering if it was safe for me to go get the mail and let out our dog, etc.). Then I felt bad for being so fearful even though we have good cause after our first run-in with the dog.

Anyway, the situation with our spycams has been stressful and time-consuming today. I’m glad I started the day out right with some exercise and also some good news that our payment processor semi-fixed a big mistake they made which has been making it difficult to promote our sites the past couple of months. Still, I feel extra guilty now for not getting more work done earlier this week (which is stupid because I was totally sleep deprived and then my sister was here with her beautiful darling wonderful energy-requiring children and then I did REALLY need a day to catch up on sleep and silence and staring into space).

Someday someday SOMEDAY I’ll have a week to just blog. In more interesting ways. Someday, right? I thought this would be a week of either massive productivity or lots of book reading, exercise, and phone sex but it just hasn’t worked out that way. Instead it’s been a week of other mostly-good things (and TOO-good things, like ice cream, garlic prawn rolls, pan au chocolat, potato salad, pasta, and wonderfully stupid movies like Mall Cop and Interview with the Vampire).

Anyway, I’m sorry for not posting new porn for members yet this week and I hope our main spycams are still up tomorrow!

I squirted during my third orgasm during my webcam show today. Actually, AFTER my show, since I stayed overtime because I couldn’t stop enjoying my g-spot with my kegelcisor (and Hitachi Magic Wand on/above my clit). I love the way the kegelcisor is extremely smooth, solid and rounded, making it one of those rare toys I can rapidly thrust in and ALL THE WAY OUT of my vag and slam it right back in without hurting myself.

Apparently my “ejaculate” was invisible to those viewing my show; I wouldn’t have specifically felt it coming out except I felt three or four hot little wet spurts hit my leg and then of course saw it. Not very much, though, which is good because that could have damaged my computer. My pelvic floor muscles have never been very strong. I think that’s the first time I’ve actually had an ORGASM at the same time I squirted from g-spot stimulation so it was pretty cool and actually even better than the first two non-squirty climaxes I had. See how I capitalized ORGASM to distinguish it from squirting to indicate that the two are NOT synonymous?

Anyway, just thought I’d mention it.

I know I’ve never written an exhaustive post about Trixie’s Adventures in Squirting and Opinions of Aforementioned Phenomenon, but maybe someday I will. In the meantime here’s a good (and HONEST) post from Nina Hartley about female ejaculation on Facebook. Maybe reading it a few days ago triggered something for me? I don’t know.

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Tomorrow/Sunday night I will be doing Stardust Piano Hour on our spycams at 7 pacific. Members should click HERE then follow the SpyOnYou link to watch/listen on two cams and chat with me from 7:30 to 8.

Speaking of the spycams, I added a clock to the NightVision cam’s broadcast displaying the time at our house to perhaps make it easier for people to figure out our schedule when we have shows and chat sessions scheduled. I’m sorry I can’t add it to all of the cams, but I may be able to add it to WebWhoreHQ cam also if it proves to be helpful.

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Note: Do NOT post any comments with advice on how to squirt, remarking about how you could teach me to do it more and/or bigger, or explaining what happened and why. It drives me BATSHIT that you can’t even mention squirting without dudes trying to school you on it without knowing what your experiences, knowledge or desires are concerning FE. And let me tell you, my desire to ejaculate more is only slightly greater than my desire to learn how to chug from a beer bong, which is ZERO DESIRE. Squirting is cool and all, it’s just not my “thing”. Or rather it *is* MY thing, not yours and I am confident I can enjoy it or not enjoy it or perfect the craft of squirting without unsolicited advice and/or assistance. Thank you. DRIVE THROUGH!

If I do become more ambitious about squirting, I PROMISE to let you know all about it and I’ll ask if I’d like help!

I *long* to return to this cabin or somewhere similar (but without earrings, heels, lipstick, etc.):

I want to be half-naked at this cabin again!

I just posted this full set of pictures for our members last night. It’s the last set that I saved/set aside from that shooting trip.

Half Naked: My Semi-Skinny Ass

You can check out other people’s Half Nekkid Thursday pics for this week here (links are in the comments).

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We’re heading out the door ASAP to go to suburban mall-land to do a bunch of shopping for shoot stuff we need, printer ink, cables, etc. so keeping this brief, but members take note: we have shows, chats, etc. scheduled Friday night, Saturday and Sunday night AND there’ve been some hot fuck sessions on our spycams lately so I hope you’ve been watching!

A couple of random notes:

I accompanied Delia to get her first Botox injections today. I was kind of jealous and can totally understand how some people get addicted to those kinds of procedures. I thought for sure the doctor would try to sell me on something as long as I was just standing there, but the only notice he took of me was after his juvederm speech to look over at me and remark, “your cheeks are awesome. You will never need fillers.”

I’m not sure how to handle some compliments (like this sweet one comparing me to Kate Moss), but compliments on my cheeks or cheekbones always make me happy. I think because it’s a remark on something that seems very objective and sounds like a structural analysis. It seems very specific and rational, almost impersonal, so I can accept that kind of flattery. Plus I think it’s accurate. I believe that I *do* have awesome cheeks! Note: I can also graciously accept compliments on specific ways I am “weird”.

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Do you wish I would now talk about how I feel about cosmetic surgery and enhancements and stuff? Maybe another time. Or do you wish I’d sputter about how Kate Moss is a bad role model for young women? Oh gosh . . . don’t even get me started. It makes me really fucking irritated when people jump all over her skinny ass like she’s personally responsible for all of the eating disorders in the world. I don’t think we’re healing women of insecurity by rabidly insisting that skinny women aren’t “real”, which goes back to how I feel about cosmetic stuff; no matter how much silicone you put in your body and how your skin is moved around and your fat excised, YOU ARE STILL A REAL PERSON and should be treated as such. Yeah, I think it’s all very problematic and stuff, but whatever. It’s all too fascinating to blog about in depth right now (no, I’m not being sarcastic: this stuff FASCINATES me though it does sometimes bore the fuck out of me, too . . . I’ve even felt a kind of spiritual awakening reading about people who are extremely addicted to cosmetic body mods). Personal request: PLEASE don’t make any assumptions about me or my beliefs based on this paragraph; I just don’t have time to go into the complexities and nuances right now.

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The second thing I wanted to mention is that Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper is THE BEST!!! It’s advertised as being applicable in situations where you want “a Dependable Clean” but it’s also marvelous in settings where you merely want a soft and delicious dry. I highly recommend this toilet paper to anybody looking for a thick luxury wipe or cheapskates who limit TP rations to two squares per job.

One of the things I dislike about shaving between my legs is that the stubble shreds lesser toilet papers (MD) and I’m left with little wads of white all over my vulva. CUS has solved this problem for me. Honestly, the quality of my life has been significantly improved by giving Charmin Ultra Strong a spin. This is my personal testimonial . . . I’m not receiving any kickbacks from Charmin for it. It’s just a very important consideration for someone like myself who takes great pleasure in pooping, etc.

I know there are more important things in the world to concern myself with, but toilet paper is the only product that interacts with me in an intimate way multiple times each day.

Yes, I know this post is BEGGING for your PUNNY comments!

A few points of (non?) interest:

*I’m taking a break this cycle/month-or-two from the birth control pill. I’ve exercised almost every day this month (HINT TO VOYEURS: I do that in the morning/early afternoon on our “anywhere” cam broadcast on SOY with audio, usually) and want to see what will happen. We’re not trying to get pregnant, I just want to monitor my body and see how it does without the extra estrogen now that I’ve done other things to make my endocrine system and brains work better.

It’s likely that my boobs will shrink, but on the positive(?) side my clit will grow and I’ll become even more of a raging, horny bitch.

*Delia is going to LA to claim her Tranny Award without me. She’s going to be gone for five nights — we have never been away from each other that long. I’d love to go with her but can’t figure out a way to justify spending the money or worse taking the time off. I thought about trying to line up some shoots to at least pay for my ticket, but the only way a pale old girl like myself could make any quick porn money down there is to do hardcore, and I don’t know anybody that pays to shoot with condoms.  I mean, I really don’t know anybody PERIOD in order to navigate that kind of thing so it seems far less stressful to just stay home and do my nerd work.

Yes, I should write a blog entry about how I feel regarding testing in the porn industry, condoms, and (shudder) regulating the use of such things. But not tonight.

I would love to take some time off or take time away from some kinds of work to do other kinds of work, but if I do, it needs to be in a way that’s healing and relaxing, not anxiety-riddled. The truth is I don’t want to pay money to pick out LA clothes and pack them and go to social events, etc.  If I pay money to take time away from work any time soon I need to either a) know I’ll safely be making a lot  more money or b) have absolutely nothing to do with people (except Delia) or agendas or PACKING or being photogenic or even clean or c) be doing creative work my way by myself. So yeah. I could probably find a way to pay to go down with her, but I think I’d be stressed out leading up to it and even resentful to be throwing time and money away on an excursion that I don’t need as desperately as I need to do, well, “B” or “C” above.

But then I think maybe I’m being stupid. And I’m actually kind of freaked out about being in the house alone that long. AND I WILL MISS HER AND NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF!! But I hope she has an awesome time full of fun and sunshine. Sigh.

*Our DSL modem died last week, taking two of our bedroom voyeur cams (”MoreBed” and “BedroomDesk”) down with it until we could get a replacement up and running today. It was kind of a stroke of luck because the new modem they sent has a wireless function so I moved one of our other machines over to that connection, the one that broadcasts our Kitchen Cam and “Anywhere” (usually the living room) cam.

Before the old modem died, our DSL connection was EXTREMELY stable, so I hope it will continue to be that way with double the bandwidth/cam broadcasts. If it isn’t, we’ll be in trouble because I can’t remember the password to our cable network router and that machine’s wireless interface didn’t retain the profile so switching it back isn’t an option until I can unearth the piece of paper I can SEE IN MY MIND where I carefully recorded that information. I know I didn’t wipe my ass with it so it has to be around here someplace, but it could take years of excavating to unbury it from its resting place. I’m sure I could totally reset and reconfigure our router but I honestly am not up to living through that headache again. I know this shit is easy for other people but it rarely goes as smoothly as it should for me and isn’t the kind of thing I want to or can afford to spend days troubleshooting and repairing. So FINGERS CROSSED that the DSL smoothly keeps those four cams broadcasting, trouble free and without interruptions.

Anyway, I’m hopeful that subtracting two cams from our cable connection will make uploading content faster and our other cams (and shows) stream faster.

*We’ve been bombarded by some back-end frustrations coming from a couple of different directions. Stuff that’s even more boring and hard to relate to than the above, but also more “sensitive” in terms of what we can/should say about those issues so I won’t bother boring you with them and getting ourselves into trouble talking loosely.

*I really do have more interesting things to blog about, and I promise, I will. I am so fat with drafts . . . fat with drafts.

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone who is into that sort of thing: we’re doing shows today/tonight and tomorrow, so if you’re a member go here and check out our schedule.

Delia and I met a little over eight years ago. Her presence on this blog started out when she was still presenting as a guy. I called her by a number of names then: twat, then houseboy, and eventually Tucker. I’m wondering right now in my head if I can divide the time we’ve been together into four years with Tucker and four years with Delia, but I can’t actually remember how many years it’s been since she officially decided to transition (I think it will be four years in May) and that doesn’t make sense anyway. The way I’ve written this is bad shorthand for something more complex but also more fluid and less dichotomized than that (obviously she is not two people, she is one person and/or we all are multiples).

Maybe that’s why I’ve never been good at remember anniversaries and dates and how-many-years kinds of things, because they create these artificial boundaries. On the other hand, it does feel natural to collect the years and try to package your memories of them with labels. While I might call those first four years the Tucker years, I personally wouldn’t call them “the boy years” of our time together. She has never been a dude even though she presented that way in public. Funny: a lot of our members and fans don’t even realize that Tucker/TrixiesHouseboy and Delia are the same person. Maybe they think they’re fraternal twins and I got to fuck both of them? I don’t think so, but it’s a hot concept for a fantasy.

I don’t think we’re exchanging presents this year or doing anything romantic with each other (we’re doing romantic things on cam instead) but I remember the Valentine present she gave me back in 2002, that first year together. She gave me a metronome and it was the most romantic thing ever! Except I just looked it up in my archives and that was actually a birthday present, so see . . . I’m totally incapable of committing things like that to memory.

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Speaking of Valentine presents, if you find yourself wanting one for yourself or wanting to give one tonight, I updated my wishlist(s) and put a few “sexy” things on my top twenty (I have a lot of inexpensive things listed on my top twenty wishlist and other categorized wishlists: shoes, music, books, sexy clothes, etc.).

If you have a cock or want to gift someone with a cock, get a fleshlight (if I had a cock? I’d have a drawer full of them; instead I just masturbate watching amateur vids of guys using them). The also have vibrating fleshlights now.

For those of us with clits, get an accuvibe; I don’t have one yet, but I’d love a cordless version of my beloved hitachi magic wand.

So yeah . . . wishing everyone plenty of Valentine SELF love (and the other kinds, too)! Perhaps I’ll see you in my webcam show tonight or tomorrow or in our spycam chatroom.