TastyTrixie.com

Archive for November, 2006

TODAY’S FODDER
If any members just saw/heard me masturbating and wondered what I was watching, it was a video of Delia masturbating in shiny pantyhose. Hard cock + pantyhose = orgasm. For me, watching. I like it when it’s all sort of bent and constricted under the

Okay. I can’t keep talking about this, it’s too exciting. To calm myself down I’m going to watch the drunken-Danny-DeVito-on-The-View video.

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I’m embarrassed to admit that even after watching that I *still* feel like masturbating some more.

PREVIEW THE PORNO!
Want to see the trailer to “The Bi Apple”, the wonderful fantastic porno movie we participated in that is scheduled to be released in just a couple months?

My immediate impression watching the trailer is “my boyfriend is so hot!” and, “that music is so hot!”

I even thought, “hmmm. . . that was fun — we should try to be in more movies”.

Read more about the movie on the director’s blog.

SIGHTED!!

Preface: people online often ask if Tucker and I are “recognized” when we’re out and about and I always snort a little in response because it seems so unlikely that we’d ever run into any of the very few people in western Washington who are aware of our porn sites/personas. We don’t get that much traffic to our sites so it seems improbable to me that we’d accidentally cross paths with anyone who knows about Trixie, Tucker, and/or Delia).

Yesterday Tucker and I walked to the store. My awareness of other living beings besides me, Tucker, and the dog was limited to whether or not humans in cars were driving too quickly by us on the snowy roads and might kick up giant blobs of snowy slush to hurl at us as we traipsed along the roadside. Or trying to assess whether or not other dog-accompanied pedestrians had theirs on leashes (I’m still afraid of dogs and dog fights breaking out). Or whether or not I managed to perform the correct grimace (aka smile) in passing, or if my voice was politely audible in response to their pleasant greetings.

You can usually count on me to be ill-prepared for spontaneous social interactions, so to say I was caught off-guard when someone tapped me on the shoulder in the produce section is an understatement. I thought I was probably just in someone’s way, but the person who tapped me (a lovely woman I’d stared at briefly in another aisle not two minutes earlier) didn’t just say, “excuse me — could you move out of the way so I can get to the tomatoes?” Instead she said something about how she’d seen my site and dingdingding!!!!??????wha?bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Etc. I didn’t actually process much of what she said after that.

I’m sure I responded as though I’d just crawled out of my isolated bunker in the woods where I’d been crafting mailbombs since I reacted with wild-eyed fear and suspicion as though someone had sicced the feds on me. Sites? How did you find out about our sites? Did someone tell you about them?? Are you sure I’m the person you’re looking for? How could you possibly have recognized me?? We don’t tell anyone in town about our sites!!

Anyway, the woman who approached me did a great job of defusing my paranoia and working through the awkwardness of our first unplanned “fan”-sighting. When she used the magical word of “partner” and directed my attention to another woman standing a few feet away in the spectator seats with Tucker as they watched this interaction, I felt relieved, and hearing her say that they were interested in doing what we do put me even more at ease. Yay! She also assured us our secret is safe with them.

No offense straight people, but I’m glad we had our first-sighting/busted-in-our-town cherries popped by lesbians who said all of the right things to make it a positive experience instead of a weird one. Well, it was still weird, but *they* acted totally normal about it and so did Tucker, so since I was the only person acting weird, everything was totally normal.

Witness weirdness exhibit a; when she handed me her business card and even said her name, I asked her if she was “Heather” (even though the name she said and that was printed on the card totally wasn’t “Heather” — I just thought maybe she was this one person in town named Heather who coaches ADD people that I’ve been wanting to meet and my wires were all crossed so I had to ask the irrational question because I wasn’t processing much of the information she gave me).

Tucker wasn’t nearly as thrown off by this experience as I was. Apparently he *always* feels like people are watching him and recognizing him. He reminded me that a lot of locals could easily reach my blog via the link on Matisse’s blog (she writes for Seattle’s best weekly and I know I’m not the only one who thinks of her as a Seattle celebrity) and that it’s actually pretty strange that we’ve gone over four years in this town without being recognized. Or at least without anyone TELLING US they recognize us.

So. It’s entirely possible we’ve been sighted many times without anyone approaching us to say so. In fact, I know for sure it’s happened at least once; we were on the ferry a few years ago and I saw a guy that I *totally* recognized as one of my members from Seattle who’d sent me his picture many months earlier, but I didn’t want to go and say hi to him in case it wasn’t him (I constantly think people look like someone I know or like someone famous, so I didn’t trust my ability to accurately identify him). He emailed me later to say that he saw us on the ferry, but didn’t know if he should say hello.

Even though I really appreciated him for respecting and being sensitive to our private time, I was a little bit disappointed that we didn’t get a chance to chat as he was one of my favorites (and I honestly would have approached him myself if I’d been certain of his identity). On the other hand, I’ve tried to imagine how that would work; would we spend the whole half-hour ferry ride talking or would we awkwardly depart before that? And what if he *wasn’t* one of my favorites? And how would I feel about it if this happened to me every day or even just once a month? Would I be disappointed then if someone left me alone or would I be relieved considering my notoriously short supply of social skills and energy?

And would my “fans” be disappointed to see me in person, short and sloppy and probably not living up to whatever idea they have of me? You should know that I purposely hang pictures low on the wall and buy small-looking furniture in order to make myself look taller and larger-than-life in my photos. The number one thing people say to me when they meet me in person (after seeing my pictures online) is, “wow — you’re a lot shorter than I expected”. And they sound disappointed when they say it. Whatever giant aura of mystery I had online is compacted upon meeting into the body of a crazed little firecracker of strange tension. Maybe people do recognize me, but they’re so taken aback or disappointed that they don’t even *want* to say hello.

RARE SNOW

It’s been snowing here for the past couple of days. It’s not my favorite kind of precipitation, but our dog definitely loves it. The pics above were taken yesterday; today we’ve got at least two or three inches on the ground — maybe more!! For those of us in the Seattle area, that’s a lot. I’m glad I work at home and don’t have to do any driving. I’m willing to bet that the cover photos on tomorrow’s local paper will be of ditched vehicles.

In more interesting news, we were “recognized” today while grocery shopping — busted!!! More details tomorrow . . .

BUBBLEGUM & BOOBS

Full Gallery appearing soon in my Members-Only area.
Join TastyTrixie.com or SpyOnUs.com to see much more of my boobs!

I’ve got a thing for girls and bubblegum . . . and boobs. Anyone sharing my appreciation of these elements will probably enjoy the gallery and video we shot today. Above is my favorite photo, one I loved so much that I have two versions of it in the gallery: one portrait and one landscape because I love looking at the bumps and colors and angel-in-need-of-bubblegum-oxygen-mask. And the way that my mouth looks SO much like a pussy (do you see that broken hymen up there?) and the gum splatters sometimes look like *another* layer of pussy and/or remind you of cum splatters, but yummy watermelon-flavored cum and sticky pink messes. I like things that *remind* me of sex and genitals but aren’t. And I love the silliness and tacky-bored attitude gum-chewing and bubble-blowing convey.

Sometimes when we shoot stuff it’s because we have to shoot *something* and it is kind of a bore; other times I really love what we’re doing and the finished product. This bubblegum stuff is something I *love* that’s fun and provocative (to me).

The video is not nearly as “sweet” — there is some crazy-ass natural-titty action in it with my boobs flopping and whirling and swinging and swaying . . . all while I chomp on gum and try to blow bubbles as I’m getting fucked by Tucker. Good stuff.

COLD AND SLEEPY
I’m cold and sleepy. Cold. AND SLEEPY!! I tired myself out today acting like an asshole. Being dysfunctional can be SO EXHAUSTING, don’t you think?

My bathroom smells like a third world gutter.

Can I borrow someone’s coma for a week?

THANKSGIVING DING DONG

COMING DOWN

Great question posed to me in the chatroom: how long does it take you to “come down” after a show?

The person asking me just saw one of my group shows and observed the amount of energy involved. He sensibly (and sensitively) imagined it might take awhile to relax and go back to normal after entertaining people with my boobs and pussy (and MY MIND, BWAHAHAHAHA!!!) on the internet. Surprisingly enough, after a group show with 50-1500 people watching, it doesn’t take me long to come down because I actually don’t invest as much showy-energy as I probably should in my group shows. I pretty much use that time to amuse myself and have an orgasm.

The bigger challenge I have during group shows is relaxing at the beginning of them after the rush and torture of getting ready for them (it’s a lot of technical bother, getting the machines and cameras ready to broadcast, getting the outfit on, GROOMING myself, trying to be on time, etc.). I guess my come-down is actually in the first fifteen minutes of my show while I mellow into my blissful position of torturing-cunt-who-won’t-do-anything-viewers-ask (at least, not on purpose).

By the time my show is over, I’m usually in a really grand mood and ready to chat and be a bit sociable (unless I’m hungry — then I’m ready to EAT). If I do need to come down a little, it really only takes maybe thirty minutes after a group show.

*****

Coming down after doing PRIVATE shows is a whole different ball of wax. It’s a lot harder for me and takes a lot more time. After I’ve done one-on-one camshows or phone sex it takes at least an hour, sometimes three hours or the rest of the day, to really be able to relax. I generally don’t want to talk to anybody at all, don’t want to smile, don’t want to move my mouth in ways that involve any type of communication with other people. Well, except sometimes when I want to fuck to release a lot of the built-up inconclusive sexual energy that comes from catering to other people’s sexual desires but putting my own orgasms and physical desires on hold.

Don’t get me wrong, I love doing private shows and phone sex, but it DOES take a whole lot of energy. I’ve never been casual about taking people’s money at the rate of around $3.50 a minute — I want to give people as much of what they want for those kinds of prices as possible. When I’m doing privates, I concentrate on someone else harder than I ever EVER concentrate on other people. I try to remember what they like and who they are and where they’re from and what they want next (even though they don’t always TELL me what they want). I try to convey that I’m enjoying myself (you heard me; enjoying oneself is not always enough to actually CONVEY to the viewer that one is enjoying herself — it takes extra effort and more smiling and docility than I’m accustomed to projecting regularly). And you have to do all of this stuff with an eye on the camera and technical things and selecting the right toys and outfits and sitting through downtime and struggling to discern timewasters in free chat from potential buyers (because you really don’t have the energy to be “on” for people who aren’t going to pay you). It winds up being an intense and exhausting experience requiring lots and lots of food and television afterwards for me to “come down”. Even though I’m tired afterwards, I can’t just go to sleep or read a book or “relax”. Maybe it’s different for girls who are more social and extroverted, but I get the feeling that *most* sex-worker-types actually feel the same way I do after working whether it’s dancing or working peeps or whoring. Honestly, doing private shows and phone sex uses every grey morsel of my brain that I can summon up for activity. Afterwards that organ just throbs and bounces and jolts with a tired-out mania requiring carbs and salty goodies to calm it down. And lots of darkened downtime without talking to anyone who doesn’t “get it”.

So. That’s why I don’t do private shows and phone sex much anymore — it takes so much time and energy that I don’t have much left for the other work that I have to do that is actually more profitable. I honestly miss doing privates but doing one-on-ones has become a luxury that I can’t afford. I actually fantasize about being rich enough to do privates again on a regular basis, but right now I can’t afford to invest that kind of time in something that requires five hours of prep and come-down for three hours of “work” (I’ve never had the stamina to work long shifts as a camgirl). Seriously, it takes me at least an hour to get ready, then (because I don’t have regulars anymore) an hour of wasted time waiting for customers, then maybe two or three hours of “work” where I only average about $25 to $50 an hour, and then the rest of my day is basically shot. All for maybe $100. Considering that it lessons my sexual appetite and desire to get pretty or be in front of the camera for the days surrounding it, it makes it harder for me to want to do shoots for the members-area and often takes away from the energy I have for recreational sex. All in all, it’s not an efficient use of my time right now, which seriously sucks because I do get a lot of benefits from doing privates. Just not enough to make it worthwhile with so many other higher-priority uses of my time begging for attention.

One thing I should mention: private shows and phone are what “made” me and my site. I don’t mean they made me rich or famous (I’m neither), but I’m constantly grateful I got my start in this industry as a camgirl serving one customer at a time. To make a long and sappy story short, I learned a lot about what porn consumers want that I could never ever learn without those one-one-one interactions. I developed bonds with my customers that VERY FEW PEOPLE IN THE PORN INDUSTRY have with the people who feed them. The feelings of loyalty and appreciation and empathy and fondness I developed with/for the relatively few one-on-one customers I had really informed my approach to building my site(s) and what kind of experiences I wanted to offer members. And the feelings of loyalty, appreciation, empathy and fondness my private CUSTOMERS developed for ME made me realize something that most porn peddlars dont’ GET: you don’t need to follow some hacked pornsite formula to make money. You don’t have to create some fake-ass cumbunny persona to make money. You can actually be genuine and offer a real human experience. While I might not be for everyone and the formula porn is totally marketable and all, the point is that I can be myself and actually make money on it.

And hey, I always wanted to know people’s secrets and see them at their most vulnerable. Private shows and phone afforded me windows into other people that THRILLED me (I am, after all, a voyeur at heart). I can’t think of any other experience offering me such an intensely wide variety of feelings and roles to play and stimulating observations. It can be erotic, challenging, revelatory, hysterically funny, bizarre, therapeutic, chummy, informative and just really REALLY personal.

*****

Maybe you never come down off of doing sex work. If I still *fantasize* about doing those intimate one-on-ones even though I can’t justify spending the time on them, there must be something so big about them that everything else sort of pales in comparison. Nothing else seems quite as real or as thrilling. I suppose there are a lot of jobs like that (teaching, being an EMT, being a cop, etc.) that offer such intense experiences that most people have to retire early or change careers but nothing else ever compares. Seeing other people doing “regular” jobs? They just seem like zombies. If you don’t have to “come down” after work it must be some really boring shit.

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hone sex notifier.

ANOTHER STORM
We have another storm hitting us today — it’s not quite as bad (yet) as last week’s, but don’t be surprised if our cams go down as it’s likely we’ll lose electricity and/or cable. We are significantly farther north and west than Seattle and a much more exposed port so it’s quite windy here.

Lately I’ve really been enjoying spending time in the spycam chatroom again; I took a little break from scheduling much in chat when I stopped getting paid (by the spycam site) to do it but now I’m feeling like being in there more. I think gloomier weather contributes to my enjoyment of chatting since there are more people in the chatroom and it’s just more fun to be sitting at the computer when it’s dark outside. Anyway, members might want to check out the spycam schedule this week, and in the future I may be popping into chat more spontaneously instead of scheduling things (which is precisely the way I like it).