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Archive for February, 2007

GHETTO BOOTY XXL VOLUME 2

It’s only the second time we’ve paid for porn via DirecTV; the first time I tried being frugal and ordered one of the cheapest movies I could find; of course, it sucked, mainly because the action and talent didn’t at all match the description and title. Annoying! So this time I splurged on a movie with a standard price ($10.99) and a title that I thought would mean I couldn’t go wrong: Ghetto Booty XXL Volume 2.

The description (”pretty girls make men smile”) didn’t provide any indication what kind of action we’d find, so I hoped there would be a lot of taunting booty-clapping, jiggling, walking and dancing before any sex took place. Of course, I was almost completely wrong. If I’m paying to see a girl’s ass, why would I want to see 20 seconds of it and then two minutes of her pussy VIEWED FROM THE FRONT? I want to see it from behind — hello! If I’m paying to see a girl’s ass, why in the world would I want to see a blowjob in every single scene? And why in the world would every single scene culminate in a cumshot to the face or delivered on the tongue instead of shot all over the ghetto booty I obviously want to see? I totally don’t get it. I love blowjobs and all, but it’s disappointing when you were anticipating lots of ass, not lots of head. I am so sick of the ubiquitous hurried facials, particularly when there are more obvious and convenient places to shoot a load (like, on someone’s ass when the people buying the movie obviously LIKE asses).

Obviously we need to research our purchases a little bit more instead of hoping for the best based on the inane descriptions provided on the tv guide; these kinds of mistakes make it clearer to me why some porn consumers become porn collectors and develop a certain level of expertise regarding their favorite performers, studios, etc. You really have to do some homework to find porn that delivers what you like best.

I’d say that 85% of the moving-picture porn I’ve rented or purchased in my life has been a disappointment. I don’t mean that I have high standards and was expecting greatness, I mean it was either totally boring and/or an actual turn-OFF. The kind of stuff where you practically have to force yourself to masturbate to it just so you feel like you’re getting your money’s worth. That’s really saying a lot considering I’ve happily masturbated to images of FRUIT on a pbs gardening program.

A couple of the biggest turn-offs for me in this Ghetto Booty movie are the same things that turn me off in most porn: unlubricated pussies being fucked and unprotected sex. Nothing turns me off more than seeing a cock shoved into a dry pussy. I fucking HATE it. Lube is not that expensive so BUY SOME AND USE IT. Oh, I know that a lot of guys freak out when lube is used because they think it’s an admission of non-arousal, but isn’t the bone-dry pussy and the talent’s totally bored expression and faked moans a tip-off? Are guys really able to convince themselves porn performer’s are totally into it UNLESS a bottle of lube is introduced and then the whole illusion is destroyed? And as far as unprotected sex goes, I actually do get more aroused watching people fuck without condoms BUT I just wish they would say something at the beginning to assure us that the people were tested and stuff. Maybe it’s a chick thing, but I worry about those girls, particularly when they are being FUCKED DRY which makes risky sex even riskier. I find myself sympathizing with the pain the performers are enduring and worrying about their safety rather than being aroused, and it’s not just because they are women — I feel the same way seeing men fucked up the ass without condoms or lube, or having their penises mauled by insensitive hands or teeth. And honestly it’s not that I don’t like watching certain kinds of rough sex (gagging, choking, spanking, etc), but pointless pain in vanilla engagements just makes me feel so chapped and tense.

I think a lot of women feel the same way I do about stupid-things-in-porn and it could be one of the many and complex reasons women get upset when their male partners enjoy porn so much; how is it that men can enjoy porn without their empathy getting in the way? THOSE ARE DRY PUSSIES!! Isn’t that anti-erotic to them? Isn’t it a turn off knowing that person is in pain? And don’t tell me just because guys don’t have their own pussies that they can’t recognize genuine pain when the performer is saying “Owww!” and cringing when a big fat dick is stuffed in her DRY PUSSY. For a lot of wives and girlfriends it can be really upsetting to suspect that maybe your boyfriend or husband is turned on by things that cause women pain, like, you know — DRY PUSSY. Or that maybe he’s too stupid to notice it or just completely lacks the empathy or imagination to give a shit. Fortunately I have never been in a relationship with a guy who was turned on by dry pussy (I think Tucker was even more bored watching Ghetto Booty than I was), but the fact that this dry-pussy porn sells and is so rampant does make me view men-in-general with a high degree of suspicion and anger.

On the other hand, I think a lot of men just tolerate bad porn rather than lauding it as great; they recognize it’s lame but hey — there aren’t a lot of alternatives and it still “works” for them, so even though they might understand that it’s fucked up and prefer something better, they just take what’s provided. Still, I know that a whole lot of guys honestly *don’t* have any empathy or understanding of what they’re watching, and I know this because I deal with them by the thousands in group shows (and observe them in other people’s shows). The things many of them say indicate to me that they are dangerously ignorant and devoid of compassion. I can understand why some women get all crazy-mad about porn, then, when it brings out some major character flaws in men. Too bad most women who do get all crazy-mad about porn can’t articulate (or are unwilling to recognize) what the REAL problems are (men being encouraged to be totally ignorant of women’s bodies, not having empathy for others, etc.) and instead like to pretend that PORN MAKES MEN that way; they like to pretend that if we got rid of porn and all the women who make money in porn, then men would be perfect little angels!! Good luck, you stupid bitches.

*****

I really would rather spend money on internet porn paysite memberships rather than whole movies, but we don’t have a fancy setup to watch internet porn on a computer hooked up to television in our bedroom; our computers don’t have big monitors and they’re not anywhere near a bed so if Tucker and I are going to watch porn together (or alone in a comfortable bed), it has to be on dvd, vhs, or ordered via satellite. It’s kind of amazing how cheap internet porn is compared to buying one movie at a time. I guess if I want to get serious about consuming porn myself, we’re going to have to upgrade our bedroom’s “entertainment center” to include whatever-we-need to view internet stuff on tv, or get a big monitor and another computer or wireless or whatever-the-hell people do nowadays. I’m so behind-the-times.

WINTER READING

I lucked out with a couple of book choices perfect for cozy winter reading:

The Historian
Fun and readable without being insultingly stupid (ahem, Anne Rice); richly-detailed escapist fun for grown-ups. I enjoyed almost every bit of it.

The Crimson Petal and the White
Yes, I love reading books about smelly Victorian whores. While this one initially put me off with its contrived narrative style, by the time I got halfway through I elevated it to a position right next to Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All for being too-damned-compelling-of-a-story-about-women-to-have-been-written-by-a-fucking-man.

*****

I also had to reread The Shipping News. Because reading about Really Cold Places is so so much fun when you’re tucked into bed with a hot water bottle on your feet and a steamy mug of tea in your hand. I might not read this book again, though, because it seemed almost too sappy this time around and I don’t want to totally suck all of the magic out of it.

*****

I’m getting bored with fiction but, for a good long while now, I’ve resisted reading most nonfiction that interests me. Why? Because the amount of reading time I have right now is meant to relax me and take my mind off work. If I read nonfiction I wind up working instead of escaping, and also feeling like I’m not doing enough; I should be taking notes! I should be writing! I should be remembering every detail! I should be making flash cards (seriously)! I should be smarter! I should read MORE! I should blah blah blah blah blah. When I read nonfiction it doesn’t help me fall asleep, it just sends my brain on hyperactive adventures following intriguingly twisted trains of thought. And I totally don’t have time for that. It’s like I have to save all of that for when I have more time/money, or I think that I do because I’m not able to read books straight through without feeling compelled to DO SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT I’M READING and remember way more than I inevitably do (which is not very much in terms of details; the ideas stick with me but most of the details — names especially — just don’t). I worry that if I don’t take notes I’ll forget where I learned these ideas and someday won’t give proper credit to their sources. Yes, I am totally anal and riddled with anxiety over silly things.

So. My plan is to find some nonfiction that doesn’t EXCITE me — subjects that don’t focus on things that totally fascinate me a whole lot or that I don’t find super-relevant to what I do now, what I might do in the future, or have done in the past. But I’ll try not to avoid those things like the plague, too. It’s very sad that I have so many books on my shelves that I’m “saving” because I don’t think I have time or energy or even just the brain-power to enjoy reading them. But you would be amazed at the way I can make virtually EVERYTHING seem super-relevant to things I care about.

The other problem is I really need to start learning new things again. Because I need to learn more useless trivia so I can perform better at solving crossword puzzles. Since I left college I have learned a lot, sure, but it’s been practical stuff, stuff about my body, stuff about how to be happier, stuff about people — on-the-job training type of stuff. I think I’m stagnating!!!

Tucker picked out a book for me last night that should hold my interest without riling me up: The Edge of the Sea.

Anyway — if you have any recs for intriguing (yet totally useless) nonfiction (especially if it could enhance crossword puzzle performance without keeping me up at night), make your suggestions in comments. I’m thinking more biographies are in order since they usually have a story about one person set against a backdrop of jolly historical details that I really don’t *need* to remember (but if I *do* those details could, you know, help me with crossword puzzles).

SOME GIRLS LOOK GOOD SUCKING COCK . . .
. . . other girls? Not so much.

While I edited a POV blowjob video (shot from Tucker’s “point-of-view” looking down at me ) I was once again disappointed by how alien my face looks from that angle. Alien as in “different” because I don’t ever look at myself from the scalp downwards, but also alien as in “of the giant forehead and great big eyes”. Like the greys, you know what I mean? Since the camera is closer to my forehead than any other facial feature, of course that is what looks biggest. Next, eyes. And then my nose, which isn’t tiny and doesn’t really benefit from enlargement. On top of that, I have a heart shaped face so it just looks like I’m this giant upper-half of a face, with a miniature jaw. I frequently look bizarre, like a praying mantis. And when I’m really going down on the cock and have as much of it as I can in my mouth? I look like a sunken-cheeked crack whore.

But I’ll stop complaining since, you know, it’s still really hot. And I snagged a lot of stills from it that I actually love. And even my crooked teeth looked sexy to me, reminding me that the Japanese actually have some kind of a fetish for crooked teeth; I don’t remember the term for it, but apparently they think it’s really cute. Of course you can’t really give too much credit to the Japanese aesthetic when they’re the ones who freed and made a celebrity artiste out of Issei Sagawa, a guy who cannibalized a big strong creamy-skinned Dutch lady.

While it would be most entertaining for me to show you lots of samples of me looking like a pale bug-eyed martian, it’s probably better for business if I show you some of my favorite cocksucking (well, licking, etc.) snags with only one image of my totally-distended face:

See all of my blowjob videos in my Members-Only area!
Join TastyTrixie.com or SpyOnUs.com for access.

Anyway, not all people really prefer to see a “pretty” face sucking cock. Sure, there are lots who *do* hold the prettiest cocksuckers in high esteem, but there are others who think the stretched-out features of a sexy-ugly face deep in hungry concentration are the best. You might also be surprised at how many guys fetishize tongues and open, empty mouths; lots of guys will specifically request (in porn and camshows) that you pose for them with your mouth open wide and your tongue sticking out. They will jack off to you just rolling your tongue out and laying it as flat as you can for them to imagine shooting their loads. This can be a difficult pose to maintain for more than a minute, but it really does the trick for some people.

But back to the most important topics at hand: me and my vanity! When I see my wrinkled forehead in photos and videos it REALLY makes me want an injection of botox more than a gloppy load of cum on my tongue.

CONNECTIVITY

Lately our internet connection has been falling out a lot, which means that our cams stop communicating with the spycam sites and we won’t notice until we wake up or check or someone emails us. The connection will only go down very temporarily so we won’t even notice it even if we’re working at a computer since we might not be surfing at the moment and when we are, it’s back up but of course has been down long enough for our cams to drop.

Anyway, I called my cable company again today and they tell me they are still working on upgrades in my area (has been going on more than a month now, I’d say) and today are even working right on our street, apparently. I’m hopeful things will be vastly improved whenever they actually complete these upgrades, but in the meantime thank you for your patience with our up-and-down cams.

When our connection falters while we’re sleeping it is especially frustrating since it can mean hours of downtime until we wake up and check the cams; it’s even more frustrating to me now that we’re on a bit more of a night-owl schedule since if I don’t wake up till 10 or 11 am on the west coast, it’s afternoon or evening for lots of our fans on the east coast and in the UK and Europe when many probably don’t realize it’s still bedtime for us. Sigh.

FRUITS OF MY BORING LABOR

Ahhh, my long-suffering spycam addicts may be wondering what boring work has been taking up my time lately, so I’ll give you a couple of samples:

Blue Valentine Promo Gallery for Tucker

Delia’s Valentine Promo Gallery

Is it odd to see these things with a more aggressive and cheesy sales pitch than you’re used to from me? I actually love making those things — they’re so nice and compact, straightforward and formulaic. I made a handful of things like that for affiliates to use to peddle our sites and have been cleaning up little fucked-up things on our sites as I see them. Anyway, thought I’d share a couple of samples of things that I work on that you normally don’t get to see. Delia does all of the work on her site, but sometimes I like to butt in and do some of it too for fun.

Off to dance lessons!

POWER OUTAGE

Ten minutes before Delia’s show was set to start, our power got knocked out. Bhoooooosh. SNACK. That’s the sound of all of our computers turning off. I’ll spare you imitations of a handful of power surges.

Yes, I am glad I got a battery backup thingy for my new computer. No, I am not glad I didn’t invest in doing the same for all of our other machines. Now my old computer won’t start up unless it’s in safe mode. Again.

Anyway, Delia postponed her show so everything is almost back to normal, just a few hours later than planned.

I would have made a phone post about this, but I forgot to write down my new hipcast settings when I switched to the new blogger. Gark.

Bhoooooooooooosh. SNACKwheeeeeeeeee?byouuuuuooo…..snack.

FEED THE WHORES TO THE PIGS!

Here in the Pacific Northwest I feel like I’ve grown up in Serial Killer/Sex Predator central in between Bundy, Ridgeway, Yates, Duncan, Shriner and other super-notorious criminals. One of these piece-of-shit-guys was up in Vancouver, another guy like Ridgeway who killed lots and lots of streetwalkers and then ground up their bodies and fed them to his pigs. I didn’t realize that he hasn’t even been “brought to justice” yet until I read this entry in Audacia’s blog. The wheels of justice turn slowly, while the flesh-grinders spin quickly out of control.

MY VALENTINE

I may be the luckiest girl in the world. My boyfriend brings me flowers after *I* have been an asshole. It’s bass ackwards and I love it.

*****

Normally I hate honkers.

Last week we drove separate vehicles home from the mechanic’s, tension relieved by good news of a quick fix that cost nothing. I followed behind his pickup for a few miles before he pulled off to get gas and I kept going past him to the bank. As he waited to make his turn and I passed him, he honked. Two quick honks. See you soon, honey. Love you. Meet you back at home. I couldn’t see his face as I passed him. I don’t know if other drivers were distracted or angered by this interruption; it didn’t cross my mind until days later when I heard someone else honking in long, frustrated tones, and then I smiled again.

Two short honks between us that everyone else could hear; mundane code for “I love you”.

*****

We had “it’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep” sex last night. It was dark, but I wonder if any of our voyeurs heard us? I could barely hear us myself, listening instead to a naughty phrase that repeated in my head a few times: daddy and all his friends . . . daddy and all his friends until I came and collapsed on top of him.

*****

I put a couple of chat sessions on the schedule for Valentine’s Day and will add more stuff during the week as soon as I find out when we’ll be gone visiting family this week, if at all. I’m also changing my show days from Friday and Saturday to Monday and Tuesday so I won’t be doing more shows until next week. Doing six one-hour shows in five days is too much for me and my pussy to hack. Delia is sticking with Sunday, though, so she’ll be putting on a show today and entertaining private viewers after that.

*****

If you heard me burst into tears suddenly last night after someone on tv proclaimed, “I am a lesbian and I will not hide” (or something like that), well, it was more moving than it sounded. Make fun of me if you like, but I am a sucker for this Secret Lives of Women show. Last night I watched “Late in Life Lesbians” and one woman in one the couples they profiled didn’t want to show her face, so they blurred and shadowed it during the entire show. At first it was like, “oh come ON! Show your face! What’s the big deal?” until they revealed the reason why; she was a veteran and didn’t want to lose her benefits. At the very end of the show they displayed that family of two women and three children in a melodramatic pose, lesbian Marine in the foreground with her face blurred out. And then suddenly they unblurred her face and she made that statement. YOU WOULD HAVE BURST INTO TEARS TOO!! Well done, WE entertainment, WELL DONE.

DRUGS: Part I

The topic of drugs came up while I was talking to Ron and my wanker the other night. It was one of the main reasons I muted the spycam audio; I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about me and drugs, so I don’t want them to hear me speaking about them in a casual way.

While I’m all for decriminalization of some drugs and drug activities, and all for legalizing marijuana, I’m pretty straight myself and relatively inexperienced with most mind-altering substances. I also tend to be fairly judgemental (compared to other liberal folks) of other people’s drug use (including caffeine and alcohol) so I worry that other similarly judgemental people will get a bad impression of me if I openly discuss my RARE drug use or dreamily describe my drugs of choice. I would just hate for that to be a surfer’s or member’s first impression of me.

How nervous am I about coming across as a drug-addled loser? Nervous enough that when I take totally innocent pills on cam I’m paranoid our voyeurs imagine I’m using schedule I drugs for fun. Nervous enough that when I brainstormed a list of labels/categories for this blog I hesitated to make a “drug” label. Nervous enough that I wanted to make this entry, sort of the definitive “Trixie on Drugs: it’s not what you think!” post. So here you go:

PILLS I TAKE ON A REGULAR BASIS:

Vitamin B Complex
I usually take this in the morning with my tea and it is a LIFESAVER for my brain, my chapped lips, and who knows what else.

Birth Control
I usually take this at night. It’s so I don’t get pregnant AND to regulate my hormones so I don’t alternate between wanting to kill other people and wanting to kill myself.

Naproxen Sodium
If I have any aches or pains, this anti-inflammatory is what I take. It’s my preferred over-the-counter fixit pill (I’m not a tylenol or ibuprofen gal). My loyalty to this particular med started when I was in junior high and I could only get it as Anaprox with a prescription. I took the double-strength variety. Once when I was eighteen or nineteen and suffering from terrible cramps I actually had to go to the doctor during a bad bout with them and I got scolded for admitting to taking more than the recommended dosage. Then he prescribed some other painkiller to me. Thanks, GP! Anyway, the OTC stuff seems to be enough for me these days.

I’ll also take some Aleve sometimes if I’ve gotten some exercise and feel sore. My sister tells me I’m ruining the whole muscle-building effects of exercise by doing that, but I honestly don’t care. Feeling pain ruins the positive effects of exercise for me, so there. I do avoid going hog wild with Naproxen Sodium because it’s hard on your stomach. I don’t worry too much about the other side effects (increased blood pressure) since I have really low bp.

PILLS I USED TO TAKE ON A REGULAR BASIS:

Ritalin
I am SO GLAD I tried it! I’ll try not to make this a big entry on Attention Deficit Disorder, but just say that while therapy and my eventual ADD diagnosis in my mid-twenties gave me a whole new (and mostly-positive) perspective on myself, trying Ritalin taught me what being normal could feel like. I took my first dose under super-controlled circumstances (at home alone with no distractions, on vacation) so I could observe myself and my reactions, and when the speed kicked in my first overwhelming observation was that THE FLOOR STOPPED MOVING. The jangled blur of chaos I was used to was stilled.

It was an almost-perfect duplication of the time someone at my data-entry job pressed some mini-thins on me when I was sleepy (back when mini-thins were just pure ephedrine) and I was elated to discover that I could alternate my gaze from the monitor to the data on my copy-stand WITHOUT SEEING ANYTHING BUT THOSE TWO AREAS OF FOCUS. I could look back and forth without anything else distracting me! Miraculous!

On Ritalin I could play piano and actually HEAR myself for WHOLE ENTIRE SONGS rather than plunking along and, three measures into a piece, be immersed in daydreams and consuming trains of thought that blocked out concentration and made practice completely futile except as something to do with my hands while, you know, daydreaming. On Ritalin I actually got BETTER as I practiced instead of getting worse.

On Ritalin when someone was talking to me, I actually heard them for the whole conversation. Someone could even tap me or start talking behind me and I would barely even register the feeling or sound; I remained totally focused on the primary conversation and I DIDN’T EVEN *WANT* TO INTERRUPT THEM.

On Ritalin, if I was trying to find something (my keys in my full backpack, for example) I would FIND them straight away instead of forgetting what I was doing and finally pulling out some random object hoping it would jog my memory or just so people near me wouldn’t think I was batty, rummaging aimlessly in my backpack for ten minutes. On Ritalin, when I walked into another room to get something I wouldn’t find myself in that room (or some other room) wondering what in the fuck I was doing there a mere 15 seconds after I began my task.

On Ritalin, I experienced blissful sleep. I’d set my alarm for an hour before I wanted to wake up, take my first pill of the day, and fall back into the most amazingly restful sleep EVER. It didn’t last long (25-45 minutes), but it was fucking fantastic and made getting up pleasurable instead of a cranky nightmare. I would also dose myself before I’d get a massage and those massages were the most blissed-out, relaxing, meditative, beautiful things EVER. Sometimes I fell asleep. It was these experiences of relaxation that convinced me that ADD and speed’s paradoxical effects on people with ADD/ADHD were real. Or at least real enough to be of significant use to me.

On the flip side of all of the positive effects (too many to list here), I did experience pretty bad rebound at the end of the evening when my last dose wore off. I would start freaking out, getting really explosively hair-rippingly angry, sensitive and frustrated, without realizing what was going on until my husband would look at me and tell me to go to bed, that my pill wore off.

At work I also got negative feedback from friends who said I was acting like a zombie, I was boring, etc. I also developed a really bizarre compulsion to whisper instead of speaking normally (I think that was the only side effect or symptom I described to my psychiatrist that he’d never heard of in connection with stimulant use — in fact, he didn’t seem to have ever heard of that compulsion at all).

I’d also lost quite a few pounds during therapy (before I was prescribed Ritalin) simply because I felt happier, so when I started taking the Ritalin I wound up losing more on top of that (no way around its appetite-suppressing effect). I don’t know how much I weighed then — maybe 103 (a good healthy weight for me in spite of it sounding underweight because of those retarded BMI charts). Then my dad got really sick and almost died a few months later.

While he was hospitalized and then transitioning to possibly dying at home, I eventually realized I had to stop taking the Ritalin since the combination of it and major stress (and not having TIME to eat much) pretty much destroyed my appetite and I sunk down to around 93 pounds, if I remember correctly. At the end of my first full day back at work I couldn’t figure out why my ass hurt until I realized it was because I HAD NO FAT LEFT ON IT.

That was the end of my love affair with Ritalin.

This is getting way too long so I’ll post Drugs: Part II later.