TastyTrixie.com

Archive for April, 2007

“BUT WHO LET THIS HAPPEN??!!”

This is SO sad:

Despondent Fort Lewis GI fell through system’s cracks to his death

The thing that mystifies me, though, is this bizarre train of thought asking “who could have let this happen??” instead of even acknowledging for one fucking MOMENT *why* the guy wanted to blow his fucking brains out. He’s DEPRESSED BECAUSE HE IS/WAS IN A FUCKING WAR ZONE AND SEEING BLOWN UP CHILDREN. Where’s the mystery? What is there to be confused about?

I don’t understand how you can responsibly cover that story without providing even one morsel of a statistic on, you know, depression among soldiers. Before you go blaming the people who supposedly failed out of carelessness or some deference to (what everyone likes to consider) those PESKY privacy laws, try blaming the people who keep these guys over there. The people who THREW the country into civil war. TRY THAT.

It boggles my mind how willfully we refuse to look at REAL issues. Fell through system’s cracks to his death. Yeah, because if the “system” would have caught him his whole life after this traumatic ordeal would have been so perfect! A regular bed of fucking roses.

I’m sure the pro-war folks PREFER for these folks to wait at least a few months or years before they off themselves. And notice how you’ll never see a mainstream newspaper run a story entitled, “GI fell through system’s cracks into homelessness and mental illness”. Bwahahaha!!! It goes without saying, right? Errrr, no . . . that’s not the SYSTEM’S fault. I forgot. That’s just something much easier to ignore, when someone kills himself with a bottle or freezes to death or is lit on fire by some punk teenagers while he’s trying to sleep on a park bench. I’m not making this up — you might be surprised how many homeless people are beaten and/or SET AFIRE and it’s never reported in the papers, but you know FLAG BURNING — there’s an issue that deserves some attention, right?

The “news” most people read/hear/watch is just a bunch of diversions. I’m not trying to insult the intelligence of those of you who already know this. I just never stop being mortified by it.

AN UNUSUAL SILENCE

If you’ve been watching my spycams the past couple of days and noticed an unusual silence, it’s because I decided to try Ritalin again. No loud, angry outbursts of swearing! Isn’t that refreshing?

I’m still noisy in the fart arena, though. Yesterday I sat down at my desk and ripped the craziest-sounding fart with a squeaker on the end; I burst out laughing, it was so cute. THAT IS WHY WE HAVE AUDIO ON OUR SPYCAMS! Also, last night I posted a short fart video in the behind-the-scenes section of SpyOnUs. Here’s a picture of me farting from my favorite gallery we shot last week:

Full Gallery coming soon in my Members-Only area.
Join TastyTrixie.com or SpyOnUs.com for ALL of my long sock photos!

Anyway, I hope you don’t miss seeing me ripping out my hair and hearing me throw conniption fits over stupid little things because while I’m dosed on speed I generally don’t freak out like that.

BOOKS & BOOZE

I implemented a new budgetary device for Tucker and I; we’re each getting a weekly allowance for our vices. I tend to spend money willy-nilly on books and magazines while he opts for wine and beer so we’re going to have a new limit of a paltry $15 a week each from our shared money for our personal addictions and if we want to spend more on them it has to come out of our own camming or phone sex money.

What does this mean for you? It means I might have to start camming and doing phone sex a whole lot more because I LOVE TO BUY BOOKS.

SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

The place we’re shooting at ROCKS — it’s fucking gorgeous AND the wireless works so we have one cam up. Of course, the house is huge so I can’t say you’ll see much unless we keep moving the computer around (it has a power issue too so sometimes when we unplug it? It won’t turn back on).

Anyway, this should be a fun and productive couple of nights, for sure. It’s too bad, though, that there are zero curtains/shades on the windows; could make shooting at night with lights difficult with the neighbors who could, for all we know, be the owners.

*****

This morning I realized that the past few months of my archives here aren’t linked in the archive list; I don’t know what the problem is or how to fix it, but I hope to work it out soon. Like, next year or something. Just kidding.

MY WILDEST FANTASY

During one of my webcam shows one man, a Bob, asked me to describe my “wildest fantasy”.

I told him paying off my credit cards is my biggest, wildest fantasy.

You really need to qualify a question like that if you want to corner me into hot talk during a free group show otherwise I’m going to tell you THE TRUTH. Before he heard my answer he told me that he was my man and all I need to do is go to Georgia to have my “wildest fantasy” fulfilled. By him. By a Bob. Then he gave me someone’s phone number for over 500 people in the chatroom to read. I should have called it and said, “that will be $42,621.05 to fulfill me, Bob.”

*****

On a *slightly* more erotic note, one of my fantasies is to lavish friends and strangers with gifts. I am particularly fond of fantasizing about gifting former female friends I’m currently estranged from. I want them to know that I love them even though I’m not a good friend. And yes, I do also fantasizing about giving presents to the women I share in-tact friendships with.

I would write a beautiful, detailed list of some of the gifts I want to give some of these women but at least a few of them read this blog and I don’t want to ruin the surprise; I intend someday to fulfill these fantasies, wild as they may be.

*****

Fact: Big Kenny of the band Big and Rich had $140,000 in credit card debt when they were making their first album. So don’t give me any shit about having all that baggage!!! Debt seriously doesn’t kill everyone and anyway, it gives me something to fantasize about that’s rife with the thrill of danger!

THREE TRIVIAL THINGS

Three things you probably didn’t know about me:

*I have a heart murmur

*I have a tipped uterus

*I was in Awana as a preteen and I liked it. I loved the structure and felt like I was proving to our super-conservative neighbors that I couldn’t possibly be a total heathen with my knack for memorizing bible verses. When I was in Awana the rewards were little tiny “jewels” that you put in the miniature plastic crowns that you pinned on your chest. The more jewels and crowns and shit meant the more bible verses you knew. Doesn’t look like they still have those cool little crowns and jewels and stuff anymore; that’s a crying shame. Wait — I’m wrong! At least the Sparkies still have that stuff.

*****

Tucker and I have had some great sex the past couple of days so I hope you were watching on our spycams because the next few days will be boring; we’re going out of town again to do some (photo) shooting. Supposedly there’s internet access at the house we’re renting, but I’m not holding my breath; we’ll bring a cam or two just in case, though, but the view will probably be boring since I’m not up to the challenge of wiring a whole house for cams for two nights when we need to spend that time focusing on content production, not spycams.

POST-SHOOT

Right now is one of those moments when I am IN LOVE with my job, my boyfriend, my life and even myself. Pictures like these ones give me an idea of just how good things are and could be with a little more effort. It all seemed wonderfully synchronous to wind up with such retro sets right while I was reading James Ellroy and my mom’s house always turns out great light and ambiance.

Full Galleries appearing soon in Delia’s Members-Only area.
Join DeliaCD.com or SpyOnUs.com for access to ALL of her photos!

I know Delia probably won’t be as excited about the black and white set as I am because of the harsher less-feminine lines and shadows, but as far as interesting PHOTOS go they are so much fun to look at. Of course, I wind up criticizing the baseboard heater and radios in the background that are from later eras. I always wonder what it would be like to shoot for a couple of hours and only try to get between one and ten really GREAT photos instead of trying to get 75-150 pics designed to lead to a thorough jack-off fantasy. I suppose we could find out, but I’m not really that curious to work it into our schedule.

What I’m more curious about is how cool it would be to invest in a fixer-upper without having any financial pressure to actually fix it up fast; the idea of having an older home that’s kind of trashed out with texture to shoot in really appeals to me. Being able to do messy paintjobs and wacky shit without worrying about “ruining” the house would rock. I suppose first we have to be able to afford a house we can actually LIVE in, though.

FLATS & FIXES

On our journey to my mom’s house yesterday one of our tires blew out on the freeway. Cool! Getting towed and having a couple new tires put on did eat into our shoot-time, but oh well . . . we have AAA and it was a fun white trash adventure, being stuck on the side of the freeway near the Microsoft campus with all of the fancy Eastside cars whizzing past our beater van. Plus I *love* the smell of new tires — the ordeal was worth it to sit in Les Schwab inhaling the scent of fresh black rubber and boys in coveralls.

Good news: getting a new memory card for our camera seems to have remedied our problem. We also bumped up the size and quality settings for good measure, so I’m looking forward to showing off nicer photos to our members. Thank you very much to Merrick for the advice and insight on that issue!

Reminder for UK fans: we’re in the episode of Sin Cities that airs tonight! It should be a laugh riot.

DAILINESS

Two favorites enjoyed today: hot sex and Lu’s “little schoolboy” extra dark chocolate cookies. FUCK YES.

Today during my show someone asked if my boobs are getting bigger; the answer is “yes”. They’re getting bigger because I’m gaining weight. Even though I joined the gym and have been exercising more the past month, I’ve also been going hog wild with junk food, and I put all of that weight on my torso (boobs and belly) and face. Honestly I’ve been anxious and tense a lot and not dealing with it very well; my quick stress fix is salty carbs — chips, buttery white pasta, buttered and salted tortillas, etc. It’s not that I have any major stressors in my life right now, I’m just not coping well with the small things. I am working on it, though.

I know that there is nothing except myself preventing me from improving circumstances that dissatisfy me (debt load, mediocre quality of work, living hours from family, etc.). I do have it pretty fucking good, but my “job”/jobs constantly morph and evolve so that I always have to rebalance and recalibrate. For example, right now my job involves more shopping and costume/shoot planning and location-hunting than I ever imagined in my life. I know it sounds like fun, and sometimes it is, but it’s also extremely time-consuming, detail-oriented, and stressful because our budget is limited. I’m not the kind of girl who just LOVES shopping (unless it’s shopping for books or music) so it’s really just pretty fucking weird and exhausting for me.

I know, it sounds like such a prissy shithead thing to bitch about: Oh god!! All of this SHOPPING is making me so WEARY! I’m just working my FINGERS to the BONE!! And actually, I’m sure a lot of our members would be happier if we just shot basic amateur-looking hardcore at our house and didn’t worry about finding cute little cottages to rent and fancy nylon stockings to wear. When I acknowledge that, then I feel discouraged and confused about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it and how I’m doing it and I don’t bother to take the time to remind myself that what we do makes sense and is good (example: Delia’s hose and hosiery “look” sets her apart from other sites in her niche).

Anyway, I regret bitching about this stuff and should start setting money aside to talk to a professional because I think I just need to vent and spend more time getting to the heart of whatever it is I want most. It’s not that I don’t like what I do, it’s that I get frustrated when doing one thing means that I’m not doing another. I want to do more (and do ALL of it BETTER), but at the same time I feel exhausted, hypercritical, depressed, anxious and overwhelmed.

Oh well, I need to finish my members-only update right now and pack for a shoot we’re doing at my mom’s house Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I had to wait for the video to upload anyway so this entry wasn’t a *total* waste of time.

Treating myself to a massage this morning and time to read has definitely calmed me down a bit. My period starts tomorrow so wish us luck at being productive during a time that I usually set aside for pure laziness.

Thank you, members (past and current) who tolerate my mood swings and support what I do.