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Archive for June, 2007

I’M A DOUCHE

Okay. So I watched the fucking Paris Hilton interview on Larry King the other night. I know it sounds like I’m unwaveringly harsh and disdainful of these celebrities, but the truth is I always feel compelled to watch interviews with the little tarts I dislike the most BECAUSE I HOPE THEY’LL REDEEM THEMSELVES so I can stop hating them because I don’t like hating people — I think it’s mean and unhealthy. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Example: Scarlett Johansson? Has never redeemed herself in any interview I’ve watched — she consistently sounds stupid. I don’t like how much I can’t stand her and I know it’s not HER fault that critics are so blinded by her beautiful breasts that they inanely compare her to truly amazing women like Lauren Bacall. So I try not to hate Scarlett and keep hoping something will turn up to make me actually LIKE her.

Anyway, I found my attitude towards Paris softening even while she lied through her teeth to Larry King (has never done drugs? doesn’t like alcohol? Honey, I’ve *read* about you in ex-millennial girl’s blog and she is a TRUSTED SOURCE). I found myself giving her credit for using her very average intelligence as deftly as she could to answer each question Very Carefully and in ways that were often endearing. Sure, there were things that made me wince but they made me feel sorry for her instead of hating her.

The coolest thing about Paris in her post-jail Larry King interview was how she didn’t seem to try to distance herself at all from jail thing; she kept saying things a regular rich celebrity would try to avoid saying because it just sounded so common, hearing her repeat, “I’ve served my time” as though she’s a hardened ex-con. She didn’t sit there protesting that she shouldn’t have been in jail at all, she was like, “I tried to follow the motto to not serve the time, but to make the time serve me.” It was hysterical!!

I loved the way she sounded like a college kid who just got back from a study abroad program and found out about starving children in Africa. When she talked about wanting to help the women in jail who get out but keep coming back because they have nowhere to go but the streets when they’re released, she actually seemed sincere. And when she talked about wanting to speak with a more mature voice? I thought, “good for you, Paris! Maybe Cameron Diaz will make that a goal too!”

Years ago, I actually joined the Hotel Heiress site to watch her sex tapes and I think that was part of what made me dislike her so much because she just seemed so empty and flaccid. At the same time I was able to see the appeal of her face and her bullshit act and her perky little boobs. It was depressing to watch the bad, boring sex and the window into these people’s horrid interactions with each other, but it was also reassuring. You can’t watch that and envy her at all — it’s just not possible. Who wants to have bad sex, bad conversation, and a totally flat ass? I don’t care how rich you are, it’s not worth it if you’re bored by sex, can’t hold a decent conversation with anyone, and can only entertain yourself by trying to look fetching.

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Free clips from the scandalous Paris Hilton sex tapes:

Paris looking pretty with a penis in her face.

Why are you APOLOGIZING when you’re getting your pussy licked?

Paris clearly finds sex both boring and painful.

Paris is totally, like, “whatever” about having her pussy eaten by the incompetent dolt, Rick Salomon.

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Note: I know a lot of people would criticize the fact that I paid money to see those Paris sex videos when she doesn’t get a dime from it and I could have found it free somewhere, but it was just simpler to me to join the site and not worry about downloading a virus or something. It was more expedient and I would have felt just as bad to have seen it for free as to have paid money to her exploiters.

CABLE STILL DOWN

A post made by Trixie on her phone.

MP3 File

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Our connection got back to normal right after I made this post.

A post made by Trixie on her phone.

MP3 File

A DARK CELEBRATION OF PARIS

From my *favorite* place to browse and shop online, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab has this limited edition:

For a limited time, the following scent will be available on our Limited Edition page:

PRIVILEGE
Polished party-girl sleaze. This is a shameless scent, devoid of caution, regret, or introspection. This perfume reeks of tabloid glamour, and has no substance whatsoever. Armoise, tuberose, white citrus, rose absolute, oakmoss, tiare, tuberose, vanilla, linden, and lemon tree blossom.

Although this scent originated with fine plants and the pure essences, the final result is a grotesque, eerily empty caricature of a debauched, narcissistic would-be debutante.

PRUNO
Jailhouse hooch. Distilled in toilets, this vintage is comprised of chow line droppings, including oranges, apples, ketchup, and sugar.

Is it cruel to commemorate someone’s jail sentence with a festive set of fragrances? Maybe. But it is far fouler to drive drunk, endanger the lives of others, and expect to get away with it because your family has cash.

It is our opinion that everyone should be held accountable for their actions. Period.

These scents will be live for as long as Paris Hilton stays in jail.

Money shouldn’t exempt you from basic human decency, and it certainly shouldn’t shelter you from justice.

(By the way… Candy Spelling, we love you!)

In addition to being a celebration of one irresponsible, horrid person’s comeuppance, these scents do go to a good cause… albeit, in BPAL’s crass, snotty fashion. A portion of each sale of Privilege and Pruno will be donated to Southern California women’s shelters.

- In the interests of privacy and at least a sliver of good taste, the specific shelters are staying under a veil of anonymity. We hope you understand.

Nice!

I confess, I’m a Paris hater, too. I think she’s a sociopath who’s too stupid and vacuous to come up with any creative way to be criminal. I do like looking at her, though, in spite of her asymmetric eyes (bizarre and unattractive only because people seem blind to it and willing to pay her buttloads to model for them — I will never forget some of the full page headshots I’ve seen of her in magazines that seemed to play up that weirdly exaggerated feature of hers). I also have images of her burned in my brain where her head is tipped over to the side and she just looks mentally VOID with her big empty head weighed down by extensions, too heavy to hold up on her weak spindly neck.

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I’m super sleepy but trying to crank out some work. We had a long drive today for a two-hour therapy session in Tacoma.

Tomorrow our top priority is FUCKING.

CONCEPTION ATTEMPT

Read about our latest lovemaking session here.

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We just got home from a very long excursion to my nephew’s birthday party. We spent more time in the car driving and waiting for ferries than we did visiting. It was worth it, though, and most of the drive was beautiful.

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Here’s what I’ve been working on instead of blogging. It’s nothing fancy yet, but then free porn giveaways traditionally haven’t needed to be too fancy to be . . . inviting. I’m working on making it a tiny bit flashier (and coated with my personality) but right now I love the variety of porn on there. I’m particularly proud of the tantalizing descriptions I wrote to describe each of the galleries. I’ve also “tested” many of the video clips and photo sets myself to make sure they are completely satisfactory. Not all of them are, but the ones that ARE work very well (for me, at least).

HOME (FINALLY!)

We didn’t plan to get a room last night, but we were just so horny we HAD to!

Just kidding.

We got the last ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge late last night after waiting an hour at the dock. Then we drove all the way to the Hood Canal bridge only to find that it was closed due to a fatal car accident. We were way too sleepy to sit there in the middle of the night for three or more hours waiting for them to investigate and clean up the scene so we drove to Silverdale and got a room. It was way too late to be horny. I actually just wanted to go to Sheri’s and have some hash browns and eggs, but Delia was way too sleepy and not at all tempted by eggy late night breakfast concoctions.

Anyway, it looks like our cams went down while we were away, but don’t worry — you didn’t miss anything since we weren’t home. We did have an awesome time at Part I of my nephew’s first birthday party (Part II is on Sunday so we’ll be canceling or rescheduling our shows for that day) AND a delightful visit and late dinner with Kris and BCM.

Tonight I have a goodnight chat session scheduled for 9 pm pacific. Right now? I want to catch up on some of that sleep I missed.

WASTED NAP TIME

I “wasted” my nap time this morning by masturbating instead. Had a nice wake-up chat with voyeurs first, then grabbed the eroscillator.

I caught up on my nap time this afternoon AFTER devouring another box of extra-dark chocolate little schoolboys, then I passed out in a chocolate coma only to be awakened by Delia coming in and giggling at the debauched scene of me in bed with little schoolboy remnants scattered all over the bed and me totally sacked out.

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I’ve been pretty blissed out lately and it makes me lazy; I don’t feel like striving, I just want to enjoy everything like an old person giving thanks at the end of her life. I just want to lay in bed and watch the birds (especially crows; I like crows) fly back and forth outside. This is the life. I just want to cuddle, fuck, masturbate, read, drink beautiful soy-creamed tea made from water boiled in our New Spanky Electric Kettle, and tell my girlfriend how much I love her.

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We’re going to be gone tomorrow for my nephew’s birthday party Part I: the family-only event. If we’re lucky and get in early enough we might also hang out briefly with Kris who is going to be in town but equally preoccupied with family affairs. She suggested we try to get in a few touristy snapshots so I might even take a shower beforehand!!

LINK TO THE LATEST

Half of the answer to everyone’s question and reaction of surprise to our news about deciding to try to get pregnant:

“But I thought you didn’t WANT to have kids!?!”

FLAVORS

I have the most beautiful flavors swirling around in my mouth this morning: maple and brown sugar oatmeal, BLUEBERRIES (one of my favorites), and sweetened English Breakfast.

I woke up a tiny bit earlier than Delia which gave us the chance to flirt with each other in bed and decide on some morning sex. I’m not a morning person the way, say, Seska is, but I do love starting the day out with a nice fuck and a healthy orgasm to get my blood circulating.

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Members/voyeurs: I’m going to do *something* chatty today, but I don’t know what or when so keep your eye on the spycam schedule for late additions.

We’re off to the gym now . . .