TastyTrixie.com

Archive for October, 2008

A couple of samples from the gallery I just posted for members:

I don’t think I’d feel like I need to lose fifteen pounds if we could afford for me to specialize in long line girdles and corsets.

Speaking of what we can/can’t afford, I know that I need to cut some obligations out in order to have time to really tweak and market our sites appropriately. For some reason I’m having a really difficult time deciding which things I need to stop doing, at least temporarily. I’ve been freaking out a lot and feeling anxious/overwhelmed. I don’t think my priorities are set in a way that’s effective and it’s hard for me to rearrange them and then accept that the things at the bottom will have to be trimmed off. I am trying to do it all (and have been for too many years) and it’s just not working. I’m sucking at everything and not really focusing my best efforts on the things I’m actually GOOD at and the things that make the most money.

It’s hard for me to let go.

One of the things I realized this month (besides that we NEED to take days off) is that we will have to 1) limit the number of miles we drive/trips we take each month and/or in rapid succession and 2) make sure visiting family doesn’t get sidelined in that equation in favor of work or friends. It’s not because of fuel costs, it’s because we live so far away from everyone that the HOURS spent in the car NOT working (except to fuck up my back/body) cost too much, plus it breaks my heart going for such long stretches without seeing my nephew. I also had a major meltdown awhile back with extreme guilt over neglecting to visit my grandma in over a year. Long story short, I’m stressed out and tossing ideas around in my head to reduce that stress.

Eventually I am going to have to learn how to forgive myself for not being able to do everything, and allow myself to succeed working from a shorter/different to-do list.

We just got back from spending a couple of nights in Portland where we did some shooting and saw Delia’s doctor where she got new prescriptions for higher hormone doses. I started editing a set of photos to post in my members area tonight, but instead of finishing I’m going to call a time out and just giving you this sample:

I am now going to force us to take a couple of days off and promise ourselves to take two days off next week AND the week after that. Normal people expect to have weekends but we’re not normal — working at home, enjoying our work, and feeling a lovely sense of control over our destiny makes it a real challenge to get away. I’ve kind of been freaking out the past couple of weeks, though, and know that my productivity is down the shitter because I *feel* like shit.

We’re not going to go anywhere or do anything fancy, but I am going to get a massage, some exercise, and spend quality time with some books. We are also going to take in the new Ed Harris/Viggo Mortensen movie — be glad you weren’t near me when I shrieked and squealed with crazy Elvis-fan lust when we saw the preview. I cream my panties enough over those guys individually but being blessed yet AGAIN with another pairing of them in the same film is like manna from a very pussy-friendly heaven.

Since I haven’t posted anything new of myself for my members in a couple of weeks, it will give me an opportunity to post extra stuff for Halloween! In the meantime, AmberLily posted one of the sets I shot of her at our house so my members can enjoy that!

I’m glad there’s still no clear winner from yesterday’s pick-me-a-blog-topic post because I don’t have enough time to blog or masturbate or do anything enjoyable except snatch some tv while we’re eating as therapy to recover from the stress of . . . not having enough time/having time sucked up by STUPID stuff. Uncreative, unsexy, uninspiring, frustrating, lame-ass, stupid stuff.

Specifically? Too many hours spent over three (not consecutive, phew!) days replacing our router. Summing it up in one sentence like that hardly seems fair to me and only makes ME look stupid. Like only a dumb fuck could lose days of work on what sounds like such a simple little task. But it wasn’t simple (and even when it was, it was still excruciatingly time and money-consuming) and was connected to many other things. Being a camgirl/pornographer? So not fucking glamorous most of the time. And it’s not just me: pretty much all of my fellow camgirl/pornographer friends are constantly battling the same obnoxious tech shit that interrupts the fun parts of our jobs and makes us all want to just go bathe in gravy-covered carbs. Tech problems are the ultimate turn-off.

Sometimes when my eyeballs feel like they’re about to pop out of my head from the force of my frustration and I start hyperventilating and looking around for things to throw out the window (or AT the window while it’s still closed so they’ll both make satisfyingly loud shattering sounds), I try to calm down by asking myself, “what would I do if I were an Officer on the Starship Enterprise? I certainly wouldn’t behave like this, even if WebWhore Headquarters were about to blow up in forty-five seconds!” Patience! Faith in one’s own problem-solving abilities! Barely a sense of urgency: just a confident, one-step-at-a-time pursuit of a solution with nary a raise in my heart rate.

So far this technique hasn’t worked for me. But maybe someday it will; it’s dorky enough that it might do the trick when nothing else can. Or maybe I just shouldn’t skip my Ritalin.

*****

Tomorrow night we’re going to *try* to trek to Ron’s to do some shooting for IMakePorno. Hopefully I’ll have gotten most of my “asshole” out of my system today, part of my tax return done (I *have* to get that done, like, yesterday), my hair colored (it’s the color of faded, sun-dried feces from a malnourished cat right now) and have time to pack and plan before we get there.

I am a Starfleet Officer, though. I can do anything.

Actually, I’m like an unholy (and super-irritating) union between Barclay, O’Brien (cranky DS9, O’B) and Quark. Sprinkled with the annoyingly pompous, bossy, hypercritical, controlling, buttinsky loudness of Kira and Riker.

Yes, you *should* feel sorry for my friends and family.

Here are a few manageable topics I feel like blogging about. Leave comments (if you so desire) to tell me which one(s) you most want to read:

*What I thought about the VP debate/what I think about Palin

*Whores & Soldiers

*Time Management for WebWhores: email

*how I feel about Mad Men

*how I feel about Gossip Girl

*how I feel about alliteration in tv show titles

*Wonderfalls

*Time Management for WebWhores: money on top

*now that my partner identifies as a chick, does that make me a lesbian?

*what’s the latest on our conception attempts?

*how I spent many hours on two days not having hot sexy porno sex, but troubleshooting our sluggish internet connection and buying/installing a solution (and how the tech support kid totally tried to find out how to see me naked)

*how/why I’m loving Al-Anon

Of course, you can also just respond with advice like, “update your outdated FAQs, dildohead!” or ask me to compile all of my tweets about pooping.

I said, “comPILE”. Hehe.