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Archive for November, 2009

It’s the end of November so every web geek in the world is putting the finishing touches on her novel. But not I.

Ever since I heard about National Novel Writing Month years ago I’ve wanted to participate. Mere weeks ago I thought, “THIS is the year!”, but alas . . . before November 1st even materialized I realized it wasn’t a good time to devote myself to another time-consuming and unprofitable project.

I’ve tried a bunch of things — structured things — to force myself to write more by building it into my schedule on a regular basis or writing short things for my members (which I generally post the first parts of then never finish, -or- DO have an ending, but really are only first drafts and not what members want to read in the first place) or by telling people I’m going to write this or that, and none of them have worked so I had to acknowledge to myself after I made my little NaNoWriMo profile and post here proclaiming my intentions that I totally couldn’t justify doing it and didn’t even WANT to.

I do want to write for fun/for myself/to escape into my head more with a partial written record to remember where I’ve been, and to at least pretend I want to become more skilled and produce pieces of writing that will make me happy and satisfy my cravings, but (but what? I don’t want to squeeze it in? I don’t want it to be a chore? I want it to be EVERYTHING for a week or a month, not an added obligation where I have to check in with someone else to approve of its length or its sex appeal or its marketability?) NaNoWriMo was NOT the best way for me to do it this year.

I just couldn’t justify the NaNoWriMo adventure when I haven’t been responding to email, have stacks of unfinished to-do lists, and, most embarrassing of all, haven’t even finished filling in my picture pages here on my blog redesign or added all my friends’ links or fixed the multitudes of minor yet painfully broken posts and features (categories vs. tags that got messed up in transition), hadn’t written and sent out a newsletter to fans in months (if not a year or more), etc.

On the other hand, I’m not always sure I can justify ANYTHING that I’m doing. Yes, that’s a maudlin exaggeration, but one I couldn’t resist. Also, wrote a bunch more bullshit related to this but removed it. Some people can relate, but others would be like, OH GOD SHUT *UP* ALREADY! or wouldn’t be able to resist giving me advice which would make me vomit and lose hair.

Back in 2001 there were more teasey story-porn pictorials around; I loved them for the buildup and wish we had time to make all (or a lot) of our porn like that.

Here are a couple of 2009 examples from a couple of my favorite web chicks:

Sequoia Redd with Brandi Belle in the Penis Pump Challenge

Poor Cinderella

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I’d *love* to do a brain dump here of all the blog-drafts in my head, but I’m starving and trying hard to stop feeling guilty and worried about mistake(s) I/we made. I feel like we don’t have enough time or money to do anything RIGHT, but the truth is we do a lot of things right and fucking up every so often and doing some things half-assed a lot shouldn’t erase all of that. Plus I need to stop kidding myself that perfection is attainable with time and money. It’s not. It never will be. We could have all the time and hired help and money in the world and we’d STILL make mistakes. In fact, we’d probably have the resources to make even more of them with more embarrassing consequences.

Reminding myself: progress, not perfection. Promptly admit when I am wrong. Make amends. Use my own mistakes as a reminder not to judge other people so harshly.

I wish I had time to write an abundantly juicy Thanksgiving post, but instead I’m just plopping down a quickie to say all is well, hope it is with everyone else AND we’re taking Thanksgiving day off for ourselves. We’re so serious about it that instead of downloading all the juicy photos we recently shot, I put the camera away so we won’t be tempted to sit at our computers tomorrow editing photos and ogling ourselves.

Friday and Saturday we have webcam shows and members-only chat scheduled. I’m doing three shows, Delia’s doing two and our member chat is Saturday. Members go here for the exact schedule and to gain entrance to our shows. If you’re not already a member you have to JOIN to access those pages.

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Our dog should write a bestselling book for canines entitled, “How to Drive Your So-Called ‘Masters’ Fucking Batshit in Thirty Days”. I am very thankful for her and her renewed vim and vigor due in part to the Prednisone she was on, but I think she has a touch of roid rage. Very ear-piercingly yippy these days.

Anyhoo, Delia’s making a meatloaf tomorrow and I’m VERY excited about that and glad we did the family thing early so we can enjoy cuddling each other smothered in gravy all day long.

Note: the “thanks for nothing” title of this post refers to the nothing I’m offering in this short post, not the nothing I’ve been given which is more than nothing, it’s lots of somethings, which I’m eternally thankful for.

I juiced my panties waiting in line to pay for my birth control pills at the drugstore yesterday.

This guy walked through the door, about 20 years old, 6′5″-ish, flannel shirt, jeans. He was alone and awkward, his shoulders hunched. He had that straight-ahead stare and his whole posture was that of a kid who just tried to get from one class to the other in high school without being picked on, or without letting on that he could hear people picking on him. A tall kid adults thought should play basketball but who absolutely couldn’t.

He was pale and slightly Edward Cullen-like without knowing it and when he walked by me I just wanted to fucking JUMP ON HIM. To be transported to the back of a van with the doors open on a dead end gravel road in the woods, smelling him and feeling him and being under him and on top of him FUCKING OUR BRAINS OUT with him grunting and moaning quietly, wordlessly, and looking slightly scared like the whole situation is just out of his hands . . . beyond his control.

I wanted to touch him all over and bury my nose in his armpits while dragging my slimy cunt up and down on his thigh before using it to devour his pecker.

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It’s probably important to emphasize the whole “waiting to pay for my birth control” bit: during my week off of the extra estrogen I get MAD with fucklust. But beyond that there’s just the whole excitement of smelling a man and seeing him and immediately knowing exactly what it would feel like to be pressed up hard against him. Being suddenly, spontaneously immersed in a vivid sex fantasy in a public place, surrounded by people while your imagination is completely captured by the presence of one man (or sometimes two men or a whole crew of men who just got off work or left football practice or whatever the fuck).

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The other day I mentioned an attractive young man volunteering to be my houseboy/porn stud. And for once having it really sound extremely exciting to me to the point where my mind kept conjuring up the sensation of a tan, wiry 15-years-younger-than-me kid ramming me with his vigorous young boner.

I know, those words are just insanely obnoxious but that’s how insanely horny the thoughts made me, that instead of turning me off all of those tacky concepts thrilled me to the point where my cervix puckered with anxious anticipation. Again, normally the idea of someone banging at my cervix makes me want to vomit, but once these thoughts take hold an enormous gulf separates me from the world of good taste and common sense.

It’s only recently, perhaps in the past year or two, that the thought of fucking barely-legal boys has become a turn-on for me. Not to the extent that it’s displaced being turned-on by guys my age and older – far from it; normally it’s the grizzled dockworkers and loggers and boatbuilders and painters and dirty dirty dirty fully-matured MEN who capture my attention. BUT. As the distance between me and fresh-out-of-high-school grows and the difference between me and them becomes more pronounced I feel more and more turned-on by the idea of having a roster of boys in my little black book to call upon and service me.

Part of it might also be the way people respond to this fantasy online; knowing how many people want to jerk off watching me fucking a fresh-faced, ruddy-cheeked 19 year old with a crazy little prick that never gets soft and is used to shooting buckets of cum every week from his own tugging at home or wherever he can unload is REALLY FUCKING HOT TO ME. Knowing how many people would want to be that boy so bad that it would make their nuts cry makes me want to induce that state of agonizing stiffness.

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I know, you’re all “what about girls and Delia and stuff?!?” I am with a girl, I am WITH Delia, and have been to the exclusion of all others for many years so have been denied men (not denied as in not allowed, but denied for all practical purposes, not by the structure of our relationship but just by circumstance and my own unwillingness to pursue outside interests or cultivate new “hobbies”). And so much of our sexual energy and her cum is diverted by her doing shows and solo shoots that there’s not a lot left over for private banging.

I’m not complaining, this is just a status report. I enjoy the way my lust for other people has swollen over the years. It’s not something I want to act on right now, but is something I’m enjoying being tortured by and look forward to indulging in.

Later, though.

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I want to show my members and blog readers pictures of random dudes I want to fuck and the guys who catch my eye on the streets. I want to make the people who jerk off to me start jerking off to my fantasies and for their gaze to turn from my pussy to the cocks they want to fill me, for them to be less interested in their own fantasies of fondling my tits and MORE interested in my own fantasies of dragging my boobs over the chests and faces of young fellows who don’t know what the fuck to do with themselves, let alone with me, except to just hump and pump away at whatever they can stick it into or shake it at but for me to make. Them. WAIT. Until they just shoot their loads on their bellies. Hands free. I want people online to be even more obsessed than I am with the possibilities of who I might wind up seducing or seduced by, and for those people online to not even want it to be themselves. For them to want it to be someone else totally removed and entirely part of my meatworld. And all you get to do is watch and YOU JUST CAN’T WAIT.

It makes me fucking CRAZY.

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I need to go take my girl hormones now.

We went to Seattle on Tuesday for Delia to do a shoot for Shemale Strokers; it’s extremely rare for either of us to shoot for other people so that was a good experience to get us out of our bubble. It looks like next time we’ll shoot something as a couple for SuckMyTrannyCock and I’ll do a solo blowjob and cum-on-the-boobs thing for another site. I can’t remember the last time I had anyone’s cum on me besides Delia’s.

Are we going to start shooting a whole bunch of hardcore for other sites to make quick money? No. There aren’t many people to shoot for in the area and it’s not exactly the direction we want to go anyway for a number of different reasons. On the other hand, if we had more time for traveling and to pornify ourselves with lots of trips to the gym and enough people to work with that we felt comfortable with (for example, people who shoot with condoms) it would be a nice adventure to do that for a few months and get more exposure for ourselves (leading to more exposure for our sites). At the moment, that’s not the plan, though. Maybe in the next couple of years before we totally enter granny status in the porn world.

Part of me is happy to have not had a typical porn industry experience so far, but another part of me feels like we’d be missing out to not experience more of it. The whole testing vs. condoms is a whole other ball of wax, too. While I know most of the diseases that are passed around in porn aren’t the end of the world I’m pretty fucking happy to have made it to this point in my life without herpes, for example, and I’d like to keep it that way. Allow me to clarify: no one is banging down our doors to shoot hardcore, I’m just speaking hypothetically here. Also, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have sex with someone who has herpes (I *have*) or that I think condoms should be mandatory in porn (I don’t), I’m just saying that my comfort level and goals aren’t conducive to jumping into a hardcore porn fuckfest any time soon. I think we both have too many boundaries and limits to get much work on top of me not being in my prime.

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We decided to get a room that night instead of driving all the way back home; one of the bridges we have to cross is having problems and closes for tests every day and all night, plus we haven’t had a night to ourselves off cam in a billion years so we even boarded our dog. It was bliss, and we really should get away for quiet private time on a regular basis AWAY from home; I love working at home for ourselves, but I totally miss the feeling of LEAVING work behind to drive home. We don’t have that and it gets really heavy to never really escape.

We even went to see a movie! Yes, we actually saw A Christmas Carol. I enjoyed it and am glad we saw it on the big screen. Jim Carrey channeled a WEE bit too much of Mr. Burns, but he’s my favorite so that’s fine.

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This weekend and the rest of the month we’re trying to shoot as much as we can for our sites here at home. We also got some stressful but potentially good news about our favorite spycam site to broadcast on which alleviates some of the nagging worries we’ve had over the years but means we have to invest some time and money that we really don’t have into it.

I know it’s all going to work out, though.

How?

I’m not exactly sure. I don’t need to know everything about tomorrow, today.

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I wanted to post a members-only update last night but it’s getting pressed out later and later because the things I keep getting ready to post have to be postponed for one reason or another, namely because I don’t have time to finish them properly. It may turn out that I wind up editing and posting something we’re shooting tonight or tomorrow.

One of my best (and former camgirl) friends just started blogging about her and her husband’s adventures in Swinging in the Suburbs. I knew from talking to her they’d been exploring and playing around more, but there’s something extra delicious about reading her BLOG about it with lots of juicy details and careful thought about different approaches to swinging and what feels right for her.

It’s  hard to describe how excited I got reading her stories; they’re exciting all on their own, of course, but because I am so fond of her (and maybe because I had a threesome with her and her husband) it’s extra gratifying to have this voyeuristic window into how much fun they’re having. They are beautiful, really nice people who deserve to have a good time and are role models to me for their strong and sexually healthy marriage, among a great many other traits I admire.

Reading stories like her latest puts a huge smile on my face because I *know* what her gorgeous smile looks like and how flexible her legs and hips are and exactly what her big boobs feel like and what she sounds like when her pussy’s getting eaten. You might know a few of those things too if you remember her as Prettyface/Sabrina back in her camming days!

From a more generic perspective, I also really appreciate that she isn’t one of these people making up a bunch of bullshit about her exploits or pretending that everything is perfect and totally orgasmic all of the time; being in a healthy relationship(s) doesn’t necessarily mean having tons of sex all of the time. I also think it’s important for people to know more in a general way about the varieties of sex people are having — that are POSSIBLE to have — in committed, straight relationships. It’s funny to compare people’s expectations and perceptions of couples like Delia and I — making porn and being viewed as sexual deviants for a whole host of reasons while being very stay-at-home monogamous in practice — with people’s expectations and perceptions of couples like Sab and her husband who look like (and are) your typical white bread suburban family. At a glance, they would be conservative America’s poster children for marriage and indeed they ARE, but for kinkier, more open reasons that the casual observer could see with a superficial glance.

Anyway, it’s one of those things giving me pleasure lately and helping me feel connected to people I adore that we live too far (half the country away) from to see often. I’m looking forward to reading more posts in the weeks, months and years to come!

Here are a couple of boobie pics to make up for the lack of happy stimulation in my posts lately:

Mature Hourglass Figure

I know, I look CRAZY in the eyes, but I love the way that angle makes my shape look so hourglassy! These pics are from my two most recent members-only updates, fyi.

My bumpy boobies in black & white!

There are more free samples at TrixieAndFriends.com and perhaps some other non-nude stimulation you’ve missed on my twitpic page (and my new sexypeek feed) but obviously(?) if you want ALL of my goodies, you should  join/become a member!

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In other news it’s been a busy week and we wrapped it up perfectly with shows and members-only chat yesterday and today. I started getting a migraine last night during my show which was the perfect opportunity to beg Delia to fix me some coffee which I avoid like the plague except when I need the caffeine to stave off a big whopper of a headache. SO DELICIOUS, though. I love the flavor of sweetened, creamy coffee! And it was because of that, my friends, that I was able to concentrate on that blog post I made last night about porn being consumed in public places.

Today I’ll be lucky if I get a couple of emails written/sent that need to go out; I didn’t get enough sleep so might need a nap, then we’re spending the evening at a really huge Thanksgiving potluck celebration that’s very special to us. I have a good kind of PMS right now and think I might bawl rivers of gratitude.