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Archive for July, 2010

I haven’t seen a cloud in the sky for days, but there’s been plenty of fog around the edges of day and vision. Nothing but blue sky above me this afternoon, but the fog never lifted nearest the water so I could hear foghorns from the ships while I read on a blanket. Foghorns and super-chatty birds. Some even sounded like tiny monkeys.

In a WA Town that's also a Port, Thursday, July 29th, 18:25

I took these pictures right after it left the shore and infiltrated as cold wet smoke. I didn’t get a good photo of what it looks like in motion.

Droopy daisies against a summer fog in July

Miraculously, I didn’t hear a single car alarm, human voice, lawnmower, barking dog, or power tool the entire time. Our neighbor’s fat Siamese tomcat did come stalking through the crunchy grass, though. I think he was pretending not to see me while he played King of the Jungle.

I wonder whose motherfucking dog keeps leaving big-ass turds next to the deer pellets that smell good in the long dead trampled-down grass except for those damned big dog shits keeping them company. Your dog should not be shitting in our yard! It’s probably the dogs of our two neighbors who disturb the peace the most with their noisy construction and yard work. Keep your damned barking labrador shit in your own sacred fucking yard! They probably don’t want to shit in your yards because they can’t even tell its nature there with the grass shorn so short. GIVE IT A REST!!

Tired daisies in the wind. End of July.

But whatever. I shouldn’t take time to notice. I should be inside working instead of outside counting and smelling animal droppings.

Ever since I started doing pay-to-play camming again and my mom came over for a carb-filled visit I’ve been having a hard time accomplishing much. Switching gears is not my forte.

Tomorrow (Friday) and Saturday I’ll be camming again, though, so at least I have a partial agenda and won’t have to rack my brain so hard to figure out the best most wise most efficient use of my time.

I’ve been having a hard time in some respects, but having sex, cuddling, stretching and masturbating keep the edge off.

It’s weird that I haven’t posted more blog entries this month since I’m always blogging in my head. I’d like to have more of a space cushion (distance wise and time wise) in between my head and what I post, though. Actually that’s probably a lot of what’s going on with me lately; having had some days with family members and more interaction on cam, I’ve needed more space to make up for those days/hours of the gap being closed.

The question is whether or not my space cushion is sustainable. I like people and interacting and stuff, but I need a big giant lot of quiet time alone in my head; it takes me ridiculous amounts of time withdrawn from everyone except Delia to recover after social time. I don’t know if I’m ever going to operate at peak unless I retool my job description(s) to take that into consideration.

Warning: this post might gross out some people, so if a certain word in the title makes you uncomfortable, the rest of this entry will probably heighten your discomfort:

I SO enjoyed my nightgown camshow last month (and had an awesome one the day before, too). I wore a long nightie that always makes me feel SO sexy and SO pretty and such a feminine tease. Someone I worked with years ago gave me three Eileen West nightgowns I never ever would have bought for myself, but now that I have them I want a dozen more:

Big Boobs Look Plush Under Pleated Cotton Nightgown

I guess I just really like the feeling of white lengths of cotton flowing all over my body with no panties or bra (like my long white May Day dress).

Pretty lady in long cotton nightgown looks like a sweet mommy tucking you in.

I *especially* like the way these nighties make my jugs look so generous and mobile and soft with the pleats adding more fabric to accentuate them bursting forward. So so ripe and full.

Modest and non-nude, but suggestive and succulent

In my show it was like poetry, talking about being a lady in a long nightgown, and what ladies in long nightgowns like to do and how their pussies get so wet underneath their long long nightgowns. I felt so pretty and iconically feminine, like if Victoria magazine included porn (never gonna happen, I know). Don’t you just want to push that white cotton up-up-up? And see and smell some soft, furry bush?

Free pics of me from a few years ago in a similar night gown: http://www.trixie.com/tgp/Trixie/see-through-nighty

It’s gross I guess, but I also love how skinny my arms and legs look wearing this nightgown. It’s the most feminine interpretation of skinniness, I think. Everything looks so long and pretty and gracefully awkward compared to everything in the middle looking so abundant and juicy.

It made me want to log in to the pay-to-view camsite I’ve been working and make all the boys want me to be their pretty mommy in her modest white nightgown. It’s such a familiar mommy-in-summer look, the soft cotton wafting faded mommy perfume and hugging hands reaching out on long arms to drawn you in. There’s nothing overtly sexual about it except that it’s all ALL all woman, and the modesty is the most naked you might get. A silhouette if the light is right, a sour-sweet stubbly armpit, some long pale leg if she gathers it up a little to step through the dewy lawn to get the paper in the morning.

It’s a look that provokes powerfully confusing strong feelings in a lot of people of both innocent love and taboo lust.

*****

That day we had more people in members-only chat than we’ve had in MONTHS, which also boosted my spirits terrifically. And really everything started looking up on Thursday when and after we fucked (don’t you think this is true?).

Sleepy mommy-type's big Victorian "dirty pillows"

*****

If you want to get me a similar nightgown or inexpensive night slip to fill out my pretty mommy wardrobe, I have a couple ON SALE on my wishlist! It would be nice to have a couple of new drowsy sleepytime gowns to wear this summer.

*****

I hope to blog more later about 1) the camming I’ve been doing and 2) my own shame, discomfort and conflicted feelings about role plays I get off on.