Happy Birthday / Spring Site Sale!

Today is my birthday! What do I want? Two things:

 

I already gave myself the first gift. Yesterday I sat at the computer for eleven hours tinkering with my site, and it felt GREAT! Here’s some of what I did:

  • added a sweet little video of me and my big boobs in a green lace teddy
  • moved outdated things off the members-only home page
  • revisited retro design elements I still love & want to revamp & incorporate into future designs
  • mocked up & posted a new temporary home page
    • with a bigger spot to feature new vlogs
    • vlog NOT using flash anymore
  • added links to THREE new super-unique friend sites added to our network in January that our members now have access to
  • recorded and posted a new vlog

 

It’s not perfect and feels temporary, but that’s (still) the great thing about internet publishing; no mistake or rush-job has to live on in perpetuity on your own sites, and there are always new (and old) opportunities to improve. Which is a great reminder to celebrate alongside SPRING TIME! So I did some spring cleaning to start out my 45th year in the world a little bit fresher. I turned 44 today, but I think that makes this upcoming year my 45th, right?

To celebrate my birthday and the spring equinox, I set up a sale for you! We’ll run it through this weekend and the first day of spring (March 20th):

Monthly Subscription

$15 off your first month
$9.95 for a whole month!
  •  
  • $9.95 for first month, rebilling at $17.95 each month after

  • Be my birthday buddy on a budget 😉

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JOIN NOW

Big Bday Subscriptions

Gift a little extra (or a lot!)
$40 & up
  •  
  • 30-day non-rebilling memberships available at

  • $40 ♣ $60 ♣ $80 ♣ $99 ♣ $149 ♣ $199 ♣ $249 ♣ $499 ♣ $749 ♣ $969

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JOIN NOW

When you join, you’ll have access to ALL of our sites: mine AND Delia’s plus seven more!

  • New updates
  • Archives going all the way back to 2002.
  • homemade in the Pacific Northwest …. so much green perfect for diving into springtime!

 

Whether you’re a member or not, thanks for visiting my blog and following our story over the years. It is a gift to me just that you keep coming back. :)

Next week I’ll start giving away books here AND share another 30-day-long FREE gift to myself with you!

Top 16 of 2016

Sixteen of my favorite and/or most important experiences from 2016:

  1. Started the year with an every-morning (for two weeks) dance experience
  2. Hired Lightning Allie to come over for a day-long project
    • exquisitely important-feeling to me because of how it felt to make her food & coffee, and how she responded to it
  3. Celebrated Valentine’s Day with Delia by taking a day-long couple’s yoga class
  4. Attended a 5-session relationship skills class
    • because I *don’t*have great relationships skills, and want to be better in my relationships
  5. My favorite guy moved far away
    • I spent more time with him in ’15 + ’16 than anybody but Delia since the year 200020170102_104731-1-commit30
  6. Went carless … and got a (mountain) bike!
    • and my body has never hurt more in my life
  7. Grandma died
    • harder for me because of sad family roles, fears and conflicts than actual death of Grandma
  8. Started taking Lithium Orotate
  9. Created & began using my own 24-hour schedule
  10. Renewed our Seattle apartment lease
    • while it sucks in some ways to be separated from my wife for extended periods of time, we’re learning a lot from it and how we want to craft our lives and work. I’m still learning
      • to let go of shame over needing and loving the vast majority) of time alone
      • how to take time off of work / not try to exploit everything for work
        • now when we spend time together the majority of it is TIME OFF, not working (this is still harder to commit to than it probably should be, but IT’S AWESOME and we’ve done a lot more special things … like 3 and 14 and lots in between
          20161125_151420-lost-lake

          That’s supposed to be me going in for a kiss at Lost Lake Cafe

  11. Braved fear of flying to visit my fave guy … and acted like a terrible brat
  12. FIRSTS: self-administered thorough enema, and MAMMOGRAM
  13. Election: forced to let go of comforting hopeful illusions | plunged into surreal scary absurdity
    • we’re on the raft of the Medusa whether we like/deserve it or not
    • grateful for reading books like Catch-22, Fahrenheit 451, The Plague (and just lots of books in general) as a teenager
  14. Delia & I celebrated our 6th/14th anniversary … by getting OUR FIRST TATTOOS!
  15. Christmas at my sister’s house … and acted like a terrible brat
    • connecting dots with 7, 10 & 11, need to do more to apply tools of 4 and 8
      • and recognize that I may be great at forgiveness but it doesn’t pan out demonstrably as love if I’m still afraid & defensive / not fully acknowledging or dealing with my hurts & needs that are still there and real consequences even if I want/can understand and forgive others
    • experienced & observed the mysterious depths of Delia’s exceptional love, patience & wisdom
  16. I *DID NOT* do a lot of things (ex. unfocused fearful nowhere-going drudge work, sex or socializing with many people) … and it was good.
    • one of the hardest (but best and most necessary) parts of pausing most of my visible work and quitting doing unsustainable work things has been losing external validation; I can see now how much of a counterproductive dysfunctional burden that’s put on my relationships
    • I’m returning to my original personal ideal of poly that’s so hard for me to not be ashamed of: my primary relationship is with my work and self. My most important & forever-partner is Delia. Realistically there’s not room for other intense & time-consuming (which I crave) secondary relationships.

My midlife crisis is winding up … things are coming together, and things are falling away. I feel like I’m getting ready to fly. Even if only in a very handicapped-wing comically human way.

Probably the biggest thing I learned in 2016 was how much I need to work on (re)building my value system and self-esteem. My happiness, sense of self, relationships, health and well-doing are reliant on being sure and proud of my values. When you and your value system and your job(s) are remarkably different from most people’s, it’s vital to have a strong tested articulated foundation you’re confident can hold you up that you don’t want to compromise.

scotch tape trump tie

My favorite image of 2016. Poignant beautiful tragicomedy.

I am (and you are too, whether you want to be or not) a designer. Being a designer is a huge part of who I am and what I value. I want to design my days, my life, my work, my home(s), and the experiences I share with others with a radiant, challenging, free, dynamic, safe, pleasurable, spiritual and sparkly set of finely-honed, timeless values.

Maybe I shouldn’t be looking forward to 2017 as much as I am, but I’m revived and relieved to know I AM SMARTER, STRONGER, MORE DECENT, HARDER-WORKING, MORE LOVING, MORE HONEST AND HAVE MORE TO OFFER THE WORLD THAN THE GUY A BUNCH OF PEOPLE MADE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Chances are, SO ARE/DO YOU! Plus a whole long list of more good stuff! I know this beyond even the slimmest, foggiest, shadow of a doubt.

In my life? I AM A SUPERPOWER … in humble submission to the superior collective goodness and love of billions of other people, creatures, stories, teachers and songs (ex. Prince, Bowie, et al).

Go in peace, and serve the LOVE (our god).

Salty Sidetrack

Have been very pleasantly sidetracked

  • familiarizing myself with an awesome new design tool
    • will help with all the site (re)design(s) we need to do
      • helps with style consistency / strengthens branding
  • starting lithium
    • on the level/dosage of a nutritional supplement
      • bought at food coop
    • NOT the prescription kind
      • only $6.99 for 60 capsules
    • WOW – it’s fucking awesome!
      • don’t worry; doctor recommended, and researched 

 

lithium orotate nutritional supplement

It is such a relief and MIRACLE to have a cheap easy fast safe healthy way to make the inside of my brain quiet and not fucking hurt or be scary. It’s amazing.

AMAZING.

SO FAR THIS YEAR …

So far in 2016, the only person I’ve had sex with in person (besides myself) is my wife.


Just an interesting note for the new year. I thought I better post it right away because as soon as I clicked “Save Draft” I knew if I sat on this post for any measurable amount of time I would feel compelled to do something to make it no longer true. 😉

An Interactive Week

I’ve been WAY more socially interactive over the past week+ than I usually am, including

  • dinner & a threesome with Taurus and his girlfriend (which you could have watched on our lifecams as a member!)
  • first (mini) shoot of/with Z, a beautiful young man (you could have watched me fuck him on our lifecams, too!)
  • an all-night phone call
  • more time with my wife, Delia, than I usually get these days
  • dinner out and a meeting with a group of our older friends
  • met & shot with Goat for the first time yesterday (the pictures make me so totally happy to be a good old-fashioned pornographer)

Actually, all of these things made me extremely happy to be a good old-fashioned photographer, hopeful and excited to redefine and refine what that means heading into 2015.

All of these things put together also made me pretty tired because I’m an introvert, so in between them I’ve been hiding and recovering a lot.

Love, genuine happiness, naughty playfulness, relating to people with awkward authenticity, and celebrating (and eroticizing) male beauty and masculine archetypes are where it’s at for me. Technical excellence is less important than accessible snatches of intimate stories and investing with vulnerability in taking time to really look at people and undress experiences with them slowly. And leave everybody — myself included — wanting more. Nothing has to be great or perfect (or even “complete”) to capture and convey what is GOOD and important and human and seldom-seen. Kink and fetish can be more unnerving and rich when integrated with some appreciation of the days of the Motion Picture Production Code. Suggestive taboo words like “Mommy” and “Daddy”, and tight black leather gloves and white panties and someone coming “too fast” are always going to be bigger turn-ons to me than bare-naked well-lit bodies performing acrobatics and sexual endurance trials.

 

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