Sixteen of my favorite and/or most important experiences from 2016:
- Started the year with an every-morning (for two weeks) dance experience
- Hired Lightning Allie to come over for a day-long project
- exquisitely important-feeling to me because of how it felt to make her food & coffee, and how she responded to it
- Celebrated Valentine’s Day with Delia by taking a day-long couple’s yoga class
- Attended a 5-session relationship skills class
- because I *don’t*have great relationships skills, and want to be better in my relationships
- My favorite guy moved far away
- I spent more time with him in ’15 + ’16 than anybody but Delia since the year 2000
- Went carless … and got a (mountain) bike!
- and my body has never hurt more in my life
- Grandma died
- harder for me because of sad family roles, fears and conflicts than actual death of Grandma
- Started taking Lithium Orotate
- Created & began using my own 24-hour schedule
- Renewed our Seattle apartment lease
- while it sucks in some ways to be separated from my wife for extended periods of time, we’re learning a lot from it and how we want to craft our lives and work. I’m still learning
- to let go of shame over needing and loving the vast majority) of time alone
- how to take time off of work / not try to exploit everything for work
- now when we spend time together the majority of it is TIME OFF, not working (this is still harder to commit to than it probably should be, but IT’S AWESOME and we’ve done a lot more special things … like 3 and 14 and lots in between
That’s supposed to be me going in for a kiss at Lost Lake Cafe
- Braved fear of flying to visit my fave guy … and acted like a terrible brat
- FIRSTS: self-administered thorough enema, and MAMMOGRAM
- Election: forced to let go of comforting hopeful illusions | plunged into surreal scary absurdity
- we’re on the raft of the Medusa whether we like/deserve it or not
- grateful for reading books like Catch-22, Fahrenheit 451, The Plague (and just lots of books in general) as a teenager
- Delia & I celebrated our 6th/14th anniversary … by getting OUR FIRST TATTOOS!
- Christmas at my sister’s house … and acted like a terrible brat
- connecting dots with 7, 10 & 11, need to do more to apply tools of 4 and 8
- and recognize that I may be great at forgiveness but it doesn’t pan out demonstrably as love if I’m still afraid & defensive / not fully acknowledging or dealing with my hurts & needs that are still there and real consequences even if I want/can understand and forgive others
- experienced & observed the mysterious depths of Delia’s exceptional love, patience & wisdom
- I *DID NOT* do a lot of things (ex. unfocused fearful nowhere-going drudge work, sex or socializing with many people) … and it was good.
- one of the hardest (but best and most necessary) parts of pausing most of my visible work and quitting doing unsustainable work things has been losing external validation; I can see now how much of a counterproductive dysfunctional burden that’s put on my relationships
- I’m returning to my original personal ideal of poly that’s so hard for me to not be ashamed of: my primary relationship is with my work and self. My most important & forever-partner is Delia. Realistically there’s not room for other intense & time-consuming (which I crave) secondary relationships.
My midlife crisis is winding up … things are coming together, and things are falling away. I feel like I’m getting ready to fly. Even if only in a very handicapped-wing comically human way.
Probably the biggest thing I learned in 2016 was how much I need to work on (re)building my value system and self-esteem. My happiness, sense of self, relationships, health and well-doing are reliant on being sure and proud of my values. When you and your value system and your job(s) are remarkably different from most people’s, it’s vital to have a strong tested articulated foundation you’re confident can hold you up that you don’t want to compromise.
My favorite image of 2016. Poignant beautiful tragicomedy.
I am (and you are too, whether you want to be or not) a designer. Being a designer is a huge part of who I am and what I value. I want to design my days, my life, my work, my home(s), and the experiences I share with others with a radiant, challenging, free, dynamic, safe, pleasurable, spiritual and sparkly set of finely-honed, timeless values.
Maybe I shouldn’t be looking forward to 2017 as much as I am, but I’m revived and relieved to know I AM SMARTER, STRONGER, MORE DECENT, HARDER-WORKING, MORE LOVING, MORE HONEST AND HAVE MORE TO OFFER THE WORLD THAN THE GUY A BUNCH OF PEOPLE MADE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Chances are, SO ARE/DO YOU! Plus a whole long list of more good stuff! I know this beyond even the slimmest, foggiest, shadow of a doubt.
In my life? I AM A SUPERPOWER … in humble submission to the superior collective goodness and love of billions of other people, creatures, stories, teachers and songs (ex. Prince, Bowie, et al).
Go in peace, and serve the LOVE (our god).