Spent most of today attending FREE lectures at the Seattle Design Festival‘s Conference (held at one of my favorite places in the world):
EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING I NEED TO GROW AND THRIVE AND UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M DOING SOMETIMES. Without having to commit to a school schedule or one narrow path or a single school of thought. And accessible to the public.
I have a ton of work to do . . . and am beginning to see more clearly that I am capable of doing that work AND MORE, with a vision and to standards I’ve been dumbing down for years. But that’s cool, because it’s all coming together at the right time. I feel clearer and more confident than I ever have about the possibilities and directions I want our sites and my work and our projects and our daily lives (work lives, creative lives, physical lives, sexual lives, LOVE lives, spiritual lives) to go . . . and more realistic about how much help and time we need to accomplish that.
Part of why I’ve been crazy isn’t just because I’m bipolar. A big part of it is that I haven’t fucking EMBRACED that shit.
A big part of why I’ve gotten crazy is that I’ve been isolated trying to survive running ourselves ragged to cater to shitty low-quality oppressive norms and standards and expectations, and hamstrung because of that instead of BLOWING THAT SHIT UP AND SHOWING PEOPLE HOW FUCKING BEAUTIFUL (and goodness- and beauty- and pleasure-filled) OUR LIVES CAN BE . . . and leading by example.
Today I got to listen to a brilliant woman talk over our heads at miles a minute (but at a steady unflustered pace) without wasting time to breathe for an hour while she showed us a billion fucking amazing ideas and pictures and possibilities and connections and relations . . . and when it was over (and some damned fool added his absolutely stupid two cents THE WAY THEY DO) and someone else thanked her for sharing her brilliance (okay I was that person), they were gifted with her relief and her bizarre self-doubt. Because even (especially) someone like that sometimes wonders if maybe she’s just full of shit.
I haven’t used my freedom and defiance and entrepreneurial visions enough to seek out the art and wisdom and experiences and guidance and connections and inspiration from allllllllllll the seemingly disparate sources and voices and places I’m driven to look to OVER and OVER again be reminded of what is fundamental to our health and vitality and JOY and safety and pleasure in life. I’m weirdly good at synthesizing shit that other people don’t put together in the same breath or dance or picture or story, and making and strengthening connections between those awesome things, and turning them into humble pictures and promises and encouragement and examples and challenges and maps of DREAMS that can come true for people.
It’s all coming together.
I know I sound crazier than ever, but . . . I’m not. And I know that because I’m listening to people and admiring people who talk and think like that AND THEY ARE MY HEROES.
I am ready to be one of my heroes, too. I am ready to be patient with myself like I’m driven to win a five-year bet. I am ready to suspend other people’s disbelief. I am ready to RUN AS FAST AS I CAN AND LAUGH HYSTERICALLY AT THE PRIMAL THRILL OF IT. I am ready to fail without shame.
I am ready to be crazy in all of the very best ways possible.
I am ready to believe I am a child of good.
A ribbon from some wrapping, and a fond thank you to Henley:
THANK YOU, Henley and AmberLily for these sweet presents . . . and all of the other ones!
I’m getting through winter more happily than last year, and trying to make it at least a little more healthy, too. I’m not doing GREAT, but am happy with BETTER.
Part of that involves not letting anything keep me from GOING OUTSIDE WHEN THERE’S SUNSHINE. It is crucial to my mental and physical health to bask in light and fresh air and my moving working body parts, and to not let any days go by without those things if I can help it.
If you resent me for making those kinds of choices with the freedom I recognize I am very fortunate to have, then you should put away the internet-connected device you’re reading this on AND GO TAKE A MOTHERFUCKING WALK or roll or whatever you’re able to do, even if it’s just around the block or stepping outside for two minutes.
Not even 6 pm and it’s dark out . . . and I just want to go back to bed and sleep. And make myself feel shitty for not accomplishing more and for my head hurting and it being ALL MY FAULT. But that is fucking useless, so I give myself permission to go to bed early as long as I make a plan for the morning FIRST. Which will include getting dosed with B Vitamins and Magnesium to help with all of this!
The world is very sweet to us in so many ways, including putting lovely people in our lives or crossing our paths who solidify our feelings of sweet fortune:
I got this autographed surprise in the mail from the wonderful Katy Bowman of Aligned and Well! She’s a body-wise scientist, teacher and inspiration, and a rare example of someone independently doing her work on multiple platforms (books, dvd’s, in person, online) with (what I think is) a perfect balance of professionalism, expertise, humor, neighborly accessibility/relatability, personality, and shared growth. She is fascinating and radiant as an individual human being AND in her work. Here’s another Katy-centric nudie pic/post of the day in which I demonstrate one of the helpful exercises I learned from her.
Click for Foot Pain Relief!
Thank you always, Henley, for your continued sweet comments and musical care packages!
Using the mugs our charming can-opener-conduit gifted us as a means to try to communicate with her telemugically:
And look at all of these fun buzzy surprises our friend T– brought us – thank you! The one on my middle finger provided much-needed relief/orgasm yesterday:
Yes, I did reduce the amount of hair I’m sporting between my legs.
Almost ready for my webcam show this morning:
Made EXTRA nice by listening to this awesome Sam Cooke CD – thank you, Henley!
Two bras looking like one:
We’ve got webcam shows and members-only chat scheduled tomorrow (Monday), too if you missed us today. JOIN HERE if you’re not already a member. I thoroughly enjoyed doing them today – thank you, to those of you who kept us company in them.
I’m mystified by how the vast majority of people answer one particular question on one particular dating site. Something like, “which is more romantic: kissing in Paris or kissing in a tent in the woods?”
I choose tent in the woods. Without a moment of hesitation. Everybody else picks Paris.
When I complained about that via Twitter, someone asked me if I’ve ever BEEN to Paris.
No, I have never been to Paris.
But thank you, Henley, for sending me there via JAZZ:
So now which is more important? Mowing the lawn -OR- closing my eyes and listening to Charlie Parker, spinning around in our backyard?