Have been very pleasantly sidetracked
- familiarizing myself with an awesome new design tool
- will help with all the site (re)design(s) we need to do
- helps with style consistency / strengthens branding
- starting lithium
- on the level/dosage of a nutritional supplement
- NOT the prescription kind
- only $6.99 for 60 capsules
- WOW – it’s fucking awesome!
- don’t worry; doctor recommended, and researched
It is such a relief and MIRACLE to have a cheap easy fast safe healthy way to make the inside of my brain quiet and not fucking hurt or be scary. It’s amazing.
I’m taking a day off alone Sunday (and tonight and through Monday morning) with no computers, no smartphones, no consoles, and no television. No screens.
That also means no spycams. We need time with the computers OFF.
Pretty sure I’m also getting a cold, too. If I do feel sickly tomorrow I might make an exception for the tv. 😉
Nooooooo, Trixie! Nooooo tv!!!!
Since I moved my work space into the house / took over Delia’s desk I haven’t been running back and forth outside between the house and the cabin and I can really tell the difference those bursts of outside had on me. I feel stagnant and gross and (even more) out of touch with the real world (a place that’s so much healthier and simpler than the reality show drama freakness of facebook and twitter and grotesque click-baity “news” sites). Other people might be able to have balanced lives and integrate all of that on a daily basis, but I just can’t. I forget to take breaks and don’t even WANT to tear myself away from the machines. My body is rigid, my muscles all fucked up, and I feel depressed and impatient and jealous and inferior and judgmental and anxious and crazy and dizzy and “inspired” in uselessly-overwhelming ways by it, and can’t get away from it unless I really unplug. For real.
Planning on exercising, getting fresh air, stretching, drawing, and/or reading a ton. Oh yeah, I might make an exception for my kindle, too.
I promise your entire body is going to feel like a much-better machine if you enjoy Katy Bowman’s Walking Advent Calendar.
I love Katy!!! Here’s a little taste of why (along with pictures of me NAKED doing a stretch I learned from her).
You will be much-improved even if you just read some of what she writes, or watch a little of her on video. And if you actually DO something she suggests? It’s going to be great! So don’t be overwhelmed by 24 days and her deeply-knowledgeable highly-informational awesomeness — just do a little of what you can.
There are some passionate and creative indie/small-business people I would love to invite to make mini-sites for our members. Katy Bowman is one of those people.
Not that I’m assuming any of the people I want to invite to do that would have time or WANT to do it, but I really want membership to our porn sites to also offer people a lot more than porn to make their lives and bodies experience pleasure and awareness and vitality.
Pleasure industries: I think about which ones are stigmatized, which ones are “guilty”, which ones are considered patriotic obligations or badges of pride, which ones are considered entertainment vs which ones are considered obscene.
Emotional labor. Physical labor. Where health, well-being, longevity and sex intersect with money and work.
I think about how much time, money and resources people are proud to put into their automobiles, yards, powder rooms, wardrobes, second living rooms and personal “hygiene”. And how little individuality. And what all of that does to the air we all breathe. If we are paying attention to breathing at all. To our skin.
How many people throughout history and RIGHT NOW IN THE WORLD have access to so many resources?
Would it make me a better person to decline out of guilt to experience it these ways?
Would it make me a better person to have a prim yard, shiny new car, cookie-cutter house and anti-bacterial armpits than to spend a fraction of that to pay people to touch me cup me rub me whisper to me bend me flex me stretch me pray over me TEACH me sing to me soothe me GUIDE me through breathing and how to use this one and only machine I need to live?
I got my B-12 and Magnesium shots today after I was barely able to keep my eyes open for yesterday. Sometimes I chastise myself for being so weak that I rely on these things. Someday I might not have access to these special extra vitamins!! Most people in the world can’t afford such luxuries!! Most people live just fine without these things!! Do they? Or are most people’s lives total shit?
Would it make me a better person to not need to have space and hear the small sounds and see the dimples my fingertips make on the surface of water?
What the fuck are we here for, anyway?
I am here to feel GOOD, and to not make other people feel bad.
Without pleasure and reverence for peace and all kinds of beauty, humanity is just a fucking plague.
I’ve been feeling a little regretful about renewing the lease on our Seattle apartment, thinking we could have our separate work spaces closer together here in town for a lower price. Spending this much time alone isn’t turning out to be as magical and productive for me as I imagined it could be.
Then again, I’m dealing with a number of issues. Like today I may have a hangover from a buzzy manic spell & adrenaline rush yesterday. The good news is I finally have a real appointment with a mental health professional for next week, which is a huge step in the right direction.
When asked if I have a preference for a male or female doctor, it was really hard to not say “male”. But I bit my tongue and just said, “no” (but that I’d prefer somebody who is sex positive and progressive). I’m pretty apprehensive about talking to women because I think they’re more judgmental of people like me. And feeling (mis)judged could seriously exacerbate my problems right now.
So I’m scheduled to see a woman next week. I think she was probably just the doc with the earliest available appointment.
It’s okay, though. I have no real reason to be prejudiced against her and am just going to expect the best. And if it isn’t the best, I’ll be one step closer to finding someone better, and may still get some of the help/relief I need regardless. She’s from Michigan (so’s my wife, and I actually tend to love people from those parts of the country) and looks really nice in her picture, which of course is a fucked-up way to judge somebody but is making it easier for me to write pleasant stories in my head about how well we’ll get along and how understanding and kind and helpful and patient and smart and tolerant she’ll be.
She has a ministerial Lutheran look, which, in my book, is a good thing that puts me at ease.