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Archive for the ‘masturbation’ Category

I masturbate differently in webcam shows for a large group than I do for myself or for private shows.

During group camshows I have a whole hour to draw out the experience. I put on a little makeup and usually wear something that allows me to do upskirts – little nighties, slips, miniskirts, etc. If I have enough time, I love wearing hosiery, especially opaque thigh high socks which is what I wore today: long, tight, stretchy, dark brown socks under a hippy-style sundress with a smocked top which is great for showing off my cleavage and tits.

Because I’m not being paid by the minute to fulfill requests by viewers, the “action” in my group shows is aimed to please me (and, incidentally, other people who have my particular tastes), all slowly paced to fill out the hour. I’m not super-entertaining, I just slide into a groove and enjoy looking at myself doing things I wouldn’t otherwise do: smiling at myself in the camera, and just making myself do shit that makes me hot, like exposing myself in taunting, mostly-softcore ways. I get very mesmerized by myself, like when I show myself (and everybody else) my creamy thighs parting to expose my hairy cunt with that beautiful contrast of the dark socks. I don’t know what it is about that contrast, but it’s fucking irresistible to me. I can watch myself do that over and over again.

We had more time than usual between shows this month so it’s been about three weeks since I enjoyed one of these long sessions; doing these long shows every other week or every three weeks is perfect for me because, without knowing it, I really build up a desire for them. My clit’s had a break from extended time with the hitachi magic wand and it’s been awhile since I really took a good look at myself.

Today I decided not to shower, putting my dirty hair in pigtails instead. It’s been four or five days since I had a shower and maybe only two baths (last night and some other time) during that time. For three days I wore the same pair of sticky, hot-smelling panties. My bush is getting really filled-out again, and every time I go to the bathroom I sniff the crotch of my underwear and play with my cowlicks that come together and curl up where my lips meet. The musky smell of pussy-hair steeped in cunt-sweat is part of what I love about not shaving.

Anyway, it smelled so good today during my show, I just kept petting it and bringing my hand up to inhale, over and over again. Deep breaths, totally drugging myself on that woman-sex smell of myself. I fucking could not get enough of it, smelling it, and watching me on the monitor, stroking myself with my light-pink clit poking out between my dirty-blonde fur and those SOCKS pulled up on my thighs making everything in the middle look so fucking naked and whorey.

I remember the first time I ever rode on Highway 1 through Big Sur, not being able to get enough of that hot sage smell. It doesn’t smell like pussy exactly, but it’s addictive and elevating, like ascending to heaven and being on some other unearthly level in between the ground and meeting God’s secretary while He’s away. I feel the same way about the smell of my musky bush, like if I were to immerse myself in it far enough I would wind up in some other place of knowledge and luxury and a decadent form of peace.

Today while I inhaled I realized the scent on my fingers reminded me a whole lot of crayola crayon wrappers. Not exactly like that, but similar. I always wonder where that Really Perfect Pussy smell comes from, like what the secret recipe is for it to be that perfect all of the time. Was it steeping my hair in dirty underwear so long? Was it the hot apple cider and cashews we had before bed? Was it the flax seed and evening primrose oil? Was it having PMS? Was it the mingling of a favorite lotion with the cunt smell to create a perfect pussy-church combo?

I came three times today with one of the orgasms augmented considerably by the call and response of me being ridiculously horny for myself and crooning, “oh yeah” to myself right before Jimi Hendrix said “oh yeah” at the beginning of Red House. Then . . . brilliant guitar and that was all she wrote.

*****

Right after my show I still felt a little hypnotized. I took a powerful piss, then stumbled into the bedroom where I felt a hot gush of liquid burst through my cunt. I reached down to touch it and came out with beautiful, crimson blood all over my fingers with more than enough left over to streak down my right thigh. I haven’t had such a dramatic start to my period in years.

Was it watching “ladies” figure skating last night that got me all horny? I don’t know, but I couldn’t sleep and tried to masturbate quietly enough not to wake up Delia, but since I was wearing earplugs myself I couldn’t really tell if I was making noise or not.

The train of thoughts leading there seemed to pick up where my post about tribute jack-offs left off. I started imagining a teenager playing Yahtzee and then trying to decide which girl’s face to ejaculate on in his yearbook. Then there was something about a good dog and a bad dog (I think it was a white German Shepherd) and by that time I was so worked up I took out my earplugs and asked Delia if she was awake. AND SHE TOTALLY WAS! I still don’t know if she knew I was masturbating, but I stopped at that point anyway.

To reach over and fondle her boobs. I really should write a whole blog entry (or book) about Delia’s New Boobs. They’re pointy and swollen and puffy and my right hand goes back and forth from one to the other until I start using my mouth.

I’d love to tell you all about it but I honestly don’t feel like getting all worked up again. If you’re one of our members and heard it on the spycams (sorry I forgot to turn on the nightvision last night) then you know it was hot. I was shaking. We fucked and then we spooned.

*****

In other news, I’m agonizing over my hair not being blonde enough. Just the thought of negotiating a redo makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I think it has to be done. Sigh.

You notice certain physical changes when your hormone balance shifts. Like I knew my boobs would get bigger & more sensitive getting back on the pill and all the other stuff I’m taking/doing.

I’m noticing physical changes this time around in my cunt. Aside from the usual increased lubrication extra estrogen gives you, it *looks* really puffy and fat and smooth and pink. I hesitate to say this, but it looks younger.

The really awesome part is I think it’s making my g-spot and perineum spongier, more sensitive and erotically charged. During my shows today and yesterday my orgasms were really thick, rocking cunt-focused things instead of little pointy tip-of-the-clit climaxes. I love all kinds of orgasms, but it’s always thrilling to experience a variety of them or notice a recognizable shift in sensation.

One of the downsides is the visible part of my clit is shrinking. I was really disappointed to look down last week and notice how much smaller it is than a month ago in spite of having so much less hair. I really like it when it sticks out more and am intrigued, shall we say, by women who have large knuckle-like clits.

Delia’s therapist isn’t a fan of hormonal birth control and the way it can flatline some women’s sex drives, but the benefits of having more chick hormones is such a huge relief to me on so many levels I can only look at the bright sides and wonder how many of them there are. Like, has anyone done any research into the hormone balances of women who squirt versus those of us who don’t or rarely do? I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that squirters are more estrogen dominant.

These pictures of me in a blonde wig outside in the snow with a blue sky turned out almost exactly how I wanted them to be:

I’ll be posting the full gallery of over one hundred pics for our members next week.

Tonight it’s my turn to be the photographer shooting a Christmas gallery and video of Delia. We’re off to a late start due to the severe winter storm warning we’re under here in western Washington; it just started snowing again and is supposed to keep going for the next five days. In our town we’re being hit by stuff coming in from the west AND the south, so it might get really windy. Don’t be surprised if our voyeur cams go down and you don’t hear from us for a time — it will just mean we lost one or both of our internet connections and/or power.

The streets are already coated with ice so Delia made sure we went to the store to stock up on everything we’ll need if we can’t get out for a week. Of course we’ll still be able to walk, but I got a blister on the bottom of my foot a couple of days ago when we had to go downtown and thought it safer to walk than drive; my Payless snow boots are cheap and don’t fit me well so I don’t want to have to trudge for miles to lug home heavy groceries.

We’re staying home alone for Christmas; I’ll miss seeing our nephew, but I think it’s better for us and our whole family if we’re not on the road. Actually, I’m really missing Delia’s family right now; I love spending Christmas at her parent’s house. It’s the only place I’ve been in the past six years where I don’t feel compelled to work. I plow through books, I masturbate in bed, we come down with colds and flu, and somehow it’s just a huge, relaxing vacation (for me, at least — unfortunately, Delia isn’t as aroused by our bedroom being located right next door to her parents as I am).

FOR MEMBERS:

These pics of me wearing shiny thigh-high boots are from a new set of photos I’m posting for my members soon:

*****

OF “MEMBERS”:

My mom, sister and nephew spent a couple of nights with us so I haven’t gotten much work done the past few days, but here are a few posts you might have missed with examples of my masturbation fodder. For those of you who are curious about what I get off on when I have a couple minutes to pursue such things, lately I head to Rude for the homemade masturbation videos guys upload there themselves (I know the ads are annoying, but I’m a member so I don’t have to see them):

*Self-Shot Toy Jerk
*Silicone Jack-Off Buddy
*Wash and Wank

EXPOSED MEMBERS:
As you can tell by the number of videos regular guys post online for free featuring themselves jacking off — sometimes in the most humiliating of ways — a lot of men are not only exhibitionists, but get off on the idea of being forced or coerced into exposing themselves in embarrassing ways, being laughed at, having their penises inspected, and being ordered to masturbate for onlookers. There’s even a porn niche called “CFNM” (clothed female nude male) featuring men at the mercy of women who make them do these things for their entertainment.

CFNM is one of my favorite types of fetish scenarios because it revolves around the fantasy of women making men perform “against their will” with the balance of power being tipped in women’s favor (pretty unusual in porn). I also love role plays with a lot of build-up, which most CFNM scenes have. There’s a new site called CFNM Secret which is a fun attempt by one of the big corporate porn giants to exploit this market. I personally prefer Pure CFNM because they seem to “get it” more, but maybe CFNM Secret will appeal to a broader audience. I’m not so much into scenes where the chicks suck and fuck the guys, and I prefer for the men to look psychologically TORMENTED and completely aghast at being unable to control their own sexual response, but pretty much any CFNM scene turns me on way more than generic porn unless it’s the bachelorette party scenario where they go wild for male strippers (yawn).

I understand why guys enjoy fantasizing about being male strippers, but as someone who’s been to events where they’ve been hired, even when those dudes are outnumbered and getting paid they still act like they’re in charge of us and what happens, and that pisses me off. I will never forget the fucker who came to a bachelorette party and overstayed his welcome for HOURS lecturing us on NAFTA while most of the girls tolerated and even encouraged it while I drunkenly got in his face telling him he was WAY out of line, to shut the fuck up and to leave. Fifteen years later, the memory of it STILL makes me mad. The only time I’ve seen a male stripper behave properly (submit to women and entertain them, rather than himself) was a black guy with a circus penis (down to his knee, NO JOKE) at a house party with mostly black women. He kept his mouth shut and performed without acting like he needed to intimidate us. He was eager to please and seemed to genuinely get off on being in a submissive position without demanding extra attention. We got to USE him and he seemed to know that was what he was there for.

As I write this I am fully aware that I would freak out if I saw a guy writing about female sex workers this way; I know I have a double standard on this (men who are hired to entertain women should KEEP THEIR YAPS SHUT), but there’s still a double standard in the Americas with men doing most of the talking and controlling and women doing most of the submitting and listening. I can’t help it that role plays reversing that power imbalance are a turn-on to me both sexually and emotionally. It’s like therapy; I get a big charge out of it.

Just a quick post to say that we have family visiting today and tomorrow so some of our cams and audio will be down. It’s been too long since we’ve seen our nephew and we haven’t even given my sister her present for her birthday which was a month ago. It’s a hot pair of peeptoe sandals so in the back of my mind I’m hoping I can get a set of foot-focused pics out of her while she’s wearing them, too. Is that so wrong? PROBABLY!

Some snaps of me from the last time we had company over:

My psychiatrist’s office finally called back so I made an appointment to get back on Ritalin. I got a huge headache yesterday because I’ve been trying to use caffeine instead of prescription stimulants and caffeine? It’s pure fucking evil. I don’t have to consume much over the course of three or four days to suffer nasty consequences.

Even though I was almost totally out of commission yesterday with the headache, I did manage to write and post for members a sicko masturbation fantasy I had. I’m not sure if other people will jack off to it, but it’s an interesting peek into the mind of a woman and how the threat of violence from men is a constantly disturbing companion that can’t be safely separated from sex in our subconscious minds. Our brains are diseased with scary men.

Part of a dream from last night’s collection:

I’m taking care of the abandoned toddler but also realize no grownups are present so in the shed sitting on the ice I start “using” (if you know what I mean) my vibrating guitar-hero-style guitar. I’m looking out the windows and realize my stupid aunt is walking across the ice and looking in at me: I’m caught! She sees exactly what I’m doing and suddenly people are popping up all over outside while she draws attention to me standing stunned in the window with the guitar vibrating against my crotch. I’m still wearing pants for decency’s sake, but still — I’m mortified.

Sorry I haven’t posted anything the past few days; all you’ve missed is a giant broiling vat of premenstrual syndrome symptoms. It’s been almost seven weeks since my last period started. I’m guessing I probably didn’t ovulate this cycle for whatever reason. And all of the pregnancy tests are negative. I mentioned I have really horrid PMS, too, right?

If you want to see a little of what my days have been like check out my Daily Trixie blog (imports all of my twitter posts from the previous day). I personally thinks it’s quite readable, but that might just be my narcissism speaking.

I’ve got my second show of the day coming up in half an hour. My face is tear-stained because of afore-mentioned hormonal problems. Nothing to worry about, it’s just what’s going on for me.

Going to pick a big fucking dildo to use because those skinny ones do NOT cut it when I’m in a mood like this one. And if anyone in the chatroom prods me for DEEP penetration I will scream bloody murder. Look up “G-spot” and have your eyes opened, ye Philistines.

CRAZY HORNY

A few of my favorite photos from my “2000 Calorie Bush” gallery inspired by something Sarah Silverman said about mascara:

Note: though I’ve been posting quite a few black and white images here, the vast majority of photos on our sites are in color.

Sometime today or tonight I’ll post a video that goes along with these photos for members. First I have to capture the video, edit it, and upload it which will be a good set of tasks for me since my brain is frighteningly scattered and overwhelmed so far today. Wish it luck.

Being off the pill makes my attention deficit disorder worse. It also makes me CRAZY HORNY. I started a masturbation log in my members-only blog to keep track of my masturbation habits and what kind of porn and toys I sometimes use to fuel my sessions. Even as I wrote that line, I got excited and now I feel really annoyingly tense and achy below the waist. It’s absolutely ridiculous and drives me up a fucking wall.

This blog entry would have been longer, but I have to go masturbate now. And when I say, “have to”, I really REALLY mean it.