Written in the Sand

Last year I committed to spending more time at the beach. AND I DID.

My priorities and my visions of normalcy and success shifted with every minute I spent at the shoreline.

My intention was to continue regular beach visits in 2019 — multiple times every week — but so far this year … I haven’t gone much.

Today I didn’t even want to leave the house. Like most days this month. February is the worst month of winter in Washington (even without the snow that piled up last week); even though the days are getting longer, it’s not nearly enough sunlight after months of reduced daylight hours. It feels like darkness falls way too soon every day.

But I had to get one of Delia’s checks in the bank. It seemed like a waste of gas and putting-on-clothes to turn right back around and go home, so I made myself go to the beach, telling myself that I could just sit in the car and read. Just GO. Just GET there.

And there it was … proof that THE BEACH IS FOR ME, written like a personalized welcome mat:

Without planning it, the tide is often low when I get there. Especially on days like today when I had to ease myself into just the idea of being upright.

Funny coincidence: last night I read a story featuring sandwriting that was also like a personal bridge, but between where I picture the author Emma Donoghue and here in the Pacific Northwest. Starting out reading Slammerkin and The Sealed Letter, she has always seemed SO across-the-pond and decades and centuries ago from where I be, but in Touchy Subjects there she is writing about JESUS and TACOMA and the word COCKSUCKERS in the sand.

So far this book is full of stories I would never have imagined her writing, but I was totally surprised by Room coming from her, too. But maybe she was just making fun of us for that big JESUS CARES ABOUT YOU sign you can see from the freeway that you can imagine was an inspiration for it. It makes me miss Tacoma, actually. Lots of things make me miss Tacoma. But then I go to the beach here and don’t give Tacoma another thought.

Anyhoo … I had very tender feelings for “The Man Who Wrote on Beaches” when I read it last night.

“…he had a home with a view of Puget Sound and a good job and a great collection of German steins and a lot of laughs. Above all, he had Margaret, who was twice what he deserved.”

The older I get and resign myself to being My Authentic Self, I have to accept that even though I’m capitalizing those words like I’m in on the ridiculous joke of myself, I’m honestly NOT joking. I’m earnest and can say with my whole heart that I love The Man Who Wrote on Beaches. With recognition, relief that I haven’t taken it QUITE that far (but only because I got the idea of asking Jesus into my heart out of my system as a teenager), forgiveness … and no measurable amount of irony.

Woods Walk: Week 6

Fulfilled: promise to myself to walk in the woods weekly (at least).
Even though I haven’t been blogging these walks right away, I’ve been doing them … and feel happier because of it. Super happy to have gotten this one promise to my body fulfilled early this week / today. It’s been a long time since I visited this favorite local park for woods-walking.

These paths — especially where they are narrower with lots of roots, hairpins and other obstacles to navigate (not pictured here) — make me want to run run run run RUN.

I ran a little bit. Even though I felt clunky and ran out of steam fast, my body still remembered how to do it and reminded me how fast rhythm and euphoria can be mine. All mine at my own varying, self-pleasing, self-pushing pace.

It doesn’t feel like winter. It feels like spring with a very depressed sun that wants to stay under the covers and sleep a lot.

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Woods and Water: Week 4

I squeezed in a combo woods-and-saltwater walk before this week ended!

Yup – that deer was only a few feet away from me when I lumbered down the trail. I should’ve done more to scare it instead of taking a picture, but they’re so habituated to humans here it’s a lost cause.

Bluff and beach erosion are problems here (especially for people with houses built on them). I definitely worry more about rocks and earth and trees sliding down on me when I’m walking the beach than I do about tsunamis. We had a Tsunami warning in the middle of the night a few bedtimes back, but we kind of laughed it off. This time.

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Delia’s WINTER SALE is ending soon!Note: my members-only area is included with Delia’s!

Starry Winter Night Stroll

We got up too-early to go dance. It was worth it, but then all we wanted was a movie and food-in-bed and murder-porn lazy-time.

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With the velvety curtains drawn around our well-fed body heat, it finally got too stuffy by other people’s Sunday-night time-for-bed standards under the sloped-ceilings of our sleeping alcove. I whined for Delia to make me a bulls-eye egg NO WAIT can we take a walk?


Out in the dark in our pajamas, strolling the silent neighborhood … so many stars. My pj’s are a soft knit dress and thin fleece hoodie: no panties, no bra. Just shuffling along. It feels balmy compared to a couple weeks ago when the moon was full and the ground hard-frozen. She finds out her new nalgene does indeed glow.

We should be walking naked. Through gardens, not towards the obscenely-bright porch lights of people who go to bed so early. We should be walking naked with bare feet. RUNNING, even. Maybe we will someday, and then come back inside to dance. Or if it’s summer … stay outside to dance. All night long.

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There’s Orion. There’s The Big Dipper. There are billions and billions and billions of things I don’t know the names for. Just tiny little lights in darkness from where we’re moving, such tiny barely measurable distances together, walking at night towards another cold still building where we’ve danced before, and other people. Maybe for a hundred tiny little years.

HOLD MY HAND, I said. WE’RE MATES. MATED FOR LIFE.

We left the sometimes-lit straight roads for the darker curving trails. Little miniature hills roped with roots, rising and falling under our feet.


 

I can hear her downstairs, smell the buttered bread and egg she’s frying for me coming up the stairs.

Rainshadow Sunshine

As the days get shorter, I’m super happy to live in a rainshadow where I can wake up and bask in sunshine for a few hours without cloud cover or nonstop drizzle.

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I’m also way excited about this tuna-fish sandwich. I remember hating tuna-noodle casseroles and tuna-fish sandwiches as a kid (I fucking HATED mayonnaise and the smell of hot tuna baked in goo used to gross me the fuck out so bad). But today … YUM.

 

 

In spite of feeling happy in the sunshine, I found myself asking what the fuck my purpose is. Then I turned to look out the window and this chubby little charcoal-ombre bird said TO FLY. And, like, feel the sun on your puffed-out chest!

I hate being so absent from my own site, but I’m getting better at prioritizing. Right now my top priority is redesigning the free area of DeliaTS.com. The magically-efficient good news about that is that all of the work and learning I’m doing with that project will pay off here, and on all of our other sites. Tools have changed A LOT (and so have we) since I started building websites in 2001. I’m excited to implement complex features and more-efficient methods we could only dream about fifteen years ago.

Catching Up with Summer

Just got home last night. Been gone way too much this month: almost half the month. One of one of my orchid’s buds burst open while I was gone.

white orchid flower

I have a lot of catching up to do with the blackcaps and other berries in the backyard.

blackcaps

The amount of good I feel from yardwork (which for me is very slow and meditative and not super productive) is HUGE. Cutting back prickly little vines and salal reaching too far into pathways. Moving small piles of the prickly vines & leaves from wherever to The Big Pile. Watering & pulling weeds occasionally.

butterfly bush, salal & daisy flower arrangement

Here’s a glimpse of one of the things we did while I was in Seattle:

Delia tenting in maxi dress

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Other things I did over the weekend in Seattle:

  • called 911 on the way after neighbor called to alert me to suspicious dude on our property
    • felt super grateful for how much lithium orotate is helping my brain because without it I would never have been able to hold multiple stressful conversations on the phone while in crowded ferry terminal, WALKING, etc.
  • we celebrated a belated mother’s day with my mom
    • took her to brunch at Salty’s & cruised Alki afterwards
    • watched Hello My Name is Doris
  • resolved to watch more movies in our building’s theater room
  • walked through & past all of the drunk Mariners fans & the stadium(s)
    • finally bought contemptible vaping supplies for easier consumption of headache medicine. And stuff.
      • grudgingly became a convert to vaping
    • restrained myself from impulsive potential porno opportunity with beautiful young man
      • regretted so thoroughly restraining myself
  • played games on my phone while Delia listened to streaming Phish concerts
  • shot a couple sets of pics & videos for DeliaTS.com
  • ate delicious foods
  • made more shoot plans / did prep work for upcoming shoots & trips
  • discussed DeliaTS.com redesign, took notes on what Delia wants for it, mocked up some things, bought & played with some fonts
  • Bused / walked to & from the naked lady spa where I spent a day alone
    • unexpected SURPRISE ride on double-decker Sound Transit bus!
      • I got to sit
        • up top!
        • in the very front seat!!
        • ON THE WATER SIDE!!!
    • tried not to feel bad about spending money on a spa day
      • I haven’t been there in over a year … jesus!
  • had a PMS-exacerbated rare pouty spat with Delia upon my return
    • was again super grateful for the lithium keeping me way more balanced than I’d normally be … and for how calm Delia is about such things (although super frustratingly yet blessedly impossible to actually FIGHT with)
  • we put a date night with each other on the calendar: too much of our time with each other lately has been work or family or just trying to recover from work &/or family
  • enjoyed lunch Delia prepared & amazing view with each other on the top floor of our building

 


We always want Bremerton to beat Bainbridge.

A photo posted by Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) on



 

  • got ORCA cards
    • even with research online, was prepared for it to be more difficult than it should be
      • no white people in positions where they should be able to help folks procure ORCA cards knew fuck all about how to go about it; black guy whose job it was not to help me (pretty sure he was a ferry boat captain), helped me with MULTIPLE options and very clear instructions & directions for each of them
  • finally dropped in at the Seattle Mystery Bookshop
  • realized my backpack was way too heavy to be carrying so far after putting it all into a big suitcase and even though it has wheels realized it’s WAY TOO HEAVY, even not on my back
  • enjoyed the ferry terminal & ride while high because the vaping thing makes it way too convenient to do so
  • made an awkward dorky ass of myself alternately trying to / not to flirt with someone in the ferry terminal
  • drank too much coke zero because my throat felt scratchy (yes, even though it’s just VAPOR … whatever, stoners) so even though I peed on the ferry the bus rides home were kind of torture
  • was picked up & driven home by friend who saw & pitied me on my long walk with enormous heavy suitcase
    • delivered home in time to not burst bladder
  • discovered house safe and sound and apparently not broken into!

It’s good to be home.

jammy wild blackberries

The ones that get dry-looking in the sun without getting smutty are the JAMMIEST!

 

Cabin roof / skylight in the background

Cabin roof / skylight in the background

unprofessional flower arrangement

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