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Day Two of (NUDE) Native Plant Appreciation Week: Stinging Nettles!

I grew up wading through them on happy days outside, including on my dad’s five acres, way back before he sold them to a developer who fucked him up the ass until he died. I’m actually not super resentful about that, but that guy is maybe the only person in the world I’ve prayed and done rituals for bad things to happen to him. Well, not specifically bad things to happen to him, but for him to PAY for the bad things he did. When you google his name, pictures of tumors inside people’s bodies come up.

Nettles stemming up from lower left of frame/next to my right leg

Nettles were probably one of the first plants I could identify. Probably because you try to avoid touching them with your bare skin. I highly recommend you experience getting stung by them every so often, though, because those are unique and interesting sensations. I tend to dislike pain and am not really interested in sex play involving much pain, but I can imagine enjoying a few scenarios involving nettles.

Note: it’s really weird to me to google “stinging nettles” and come up with pages that describe nettle as “a very dangerous plant”. REALLY??? So I guess I should issue a disclaimer that if you do follow my suggestion to sting yourself with some, that you do so at your own risk. Especially if you apply stinging nettle to your genitals. And of course FOR REAL you should never ever put anything – especially something that could hurt – on someone else’s body, especially their genitals or, like, the soles of their feet, without their consent after you’ve disclosed the properties of whatever thing it is you’re wanting to put onto them.

Nettles in foreground

Anyhoo . . . I’ve actually never eaten nettles or nettle parts that I know of, but my sister cooks with them. And I think Lightning Allie told me to drink nettle tea for some problem I was having that I can’t remember now. We should put it on our to-do list to put nettles to as many uses as we can in 2012. Useful, practical wildcrafting 101, especially since we know where to find it in abundance:

A big huge field full of nettles.

Urtica dioicia a little closer-up

If it were not for celebrating this week, I wouldn’t have found out that this orange butterfly in the nettles wasn’t a coincidence, but are food for their caterpillars:

Tortoiseshell Butterfly & Stinging Nettles

Speaking of nettles and the Pacific Northwest, there’s at least one recipe using nettles in this book I *loved* by a lady on Vancouver Island just north of us. It’s old-fashioned and precious and I know some of you would fucking HATE it, but I adored it and want to coo over it with people. So I just used the topic of nettles as an excuse to recommend it!

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So hey . . . I saw a bunch of these today, and they look like nettles, but were more of a blue-green with purple-ishness than the nettles I’m used to seeing. Delia wasn’t with me to lend her knowledge, and right now she’s busy camming, and I’ve already spent way too much time on this blog entry to do more book or google-based research so I’ll just ask you people to chime in and tell me what you think:

Is this a nettle too?

No, I did not touch it to find out if/how much it stings.

For the first day of Native Plant Appreciation Week (celebrated at least partially nude on my site), we have Smilacina racemosa aka False Solomon’s Seal:

The False Solomon's Seal is the flowering plant in front of my nude body.

The flowers smell really perfume-y.

Apparently you can eat parts of this plant, use it as a poultice, etc.

I might have more to say about this had I not just spent an hour in a fancy grocery store wearing a skirt and no underwear with part of a turd wanting to sneak out of my butthole, but not wanting to come out when I sat down to rid myself of it, then an hour’s drive home in the car. If only I’d harvested the above plant I could have used it as a convenient laxative! Now all I want to do is watch some television or read a book about a witch hunting ginseng.

Feel free to add educational comments or appreciative notes!

Hold onto your hand towels, boys . . . I’m excited to find out that May 1st, the anniversary (10th this year) of my members-only area opening, just happens to sit in the middle of NATIVE PLANT APPRECIATION WEEK!

Starting tomorrow and going through May 5th, my nudie pics of the day will feature at least one plant native to Washington state!

Why yes, that is SALAL behind me!

We’re not getting truly ambitious with it this year, but maybe next year we’ll make a big deal out of it and even crack out the fancy camera.

Reading "Plants of the Pacific Northwest Coast"

One of the millions of sites I’ve wanted to make with Delia and other Pacific Northwesterners is a naked bloggy field-guide kind of thing. I bought a domain for it awhile ago, but I don’t know if it’s something we’ll ever get off the ground. I don’t know if other people have enthusiasm for this, so I’m pretty sure it would be more of a little hobby site for personal fun and learning and celebrating than anything else.

Check back all week to see me pale & naked posing with native plants!

Delia actually has a college degree in this stuff so I think it would be fun to put it to use in this manner. Or just to have an excuse to hear her speaking Latin names while we go on excursions!

Singing with flair into my “microphone”, naked:

Pretend-singing naked with my pretend-microphone.

Today is the third day this week I had to take a nap. Before that we shot a set of pictures of me outside. I was naked ad barefoot and stepped on a blackberry pricker and just left the thorn in the sole of my foot for awhile while we shot. Then I tried to take it out the wrong way. Then Delia took it out the right way.

Then we went and got bagels with cream cheese and lox and capers and onions and I asked Delia to say how brave and tough I was with that thorn in my foot. She was like, “oh yes honey, I was so proud of you!”

It’s amazing how giving in and asking for my inner four-year-old to be indulged can make me feel so so good!

And then we took a walk for an hour and a half and some more naked pictures outside and listened to ravens. And a guy ran up behind us while I had my hand down my pants. And then we ran errands. And then I ran some more errands. And then I tried for a few hours not to take a nap but I finally caved. And it was good.

This is a picture of me from a few minutes ago after I had an orgasm. You might have seen me masturbating with my pajamas on via our spycams, but it was not a show:

Flushed Face Post Orgasm

This is the hand and trouser snake I was watching on a string of videos (I also had a still pic of it up on my phone in the foreground, looking impossibly long, filling the whole frame on a diagonal):

The Trouser Snake

Yes, I masturbate to jerk-off videos and “dick pics” – that’s my primary go-to material especially now that so much of it’s available in such variety online these days. However these PARTICULAR ones have gotten extra play because it’s a cock I had inside me A WHOLE LOT, a cock that was inside me a bunch a bunch a bunch of times when I came. A cock that came inside me.

Sometimes Delia masturbates to this cock, too. Specifically a video of me sucking this cock. She uses it for inspiration sometimes during her shows. You can see the video here if you’re a member.

Before I masturbated — before that picture up there — I was reminded on the phone that I actually did have the whole entire thing inside me, which is really impossible for me to believe. I told him that’s physically impossible! not to flatter him, I said, but there is just no way I could have enough room inside my vagina for his entire length.

But then he reminded me of the times when I would push my body all the way back to be touching his body, over and over and over again, sometimes fast. All of that cock inside me, all the way to the base.

Normally it’s the feeling and thought of “just the tip” that really turns me on, but because of these experiences and this particular cock and the person it’s attached to I’m now also really excited by the deep stuff. But so far only when it has to do with him or Delia.

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It would be responsible of me to say a few things here, but since mine is a porn site and I’m really horny and want to masturbate some more, I’m not going to try to be educational.

I had a lovely time during my webcam show this morning and risked an orgasm (BECAUSE I WANTED ONE!) even though I knew it might bring back my headache. It did, but it wasn’t super intense so was worth it and went away within half an hour (the headache when away within half an hour, not the orgasm; that ended much sooner).

One trick (of many) my doctor told me to get rid of a headache or stave off a migraine when you feel one coming on: put an icepack on the back of your neck.

So here I am after my camshow today, demonstrating this useful technique with our “Jack Frost Reusable Gel Packs”:

Yesterday I also got some shots of Magnesium and B Vitamins, and the day before that I got a massage, so I am actively trying (again, after slacking off) to prevent the brain whammies. But okay, I might have slipped later today when I went to McDonald’s alone and parked on a dead end street in the rain and slammed limp, delicious processed food-products into my body. Fries! Cheeseburger! McNuggets! “Barbecue Sauce”! Diet Coke!

God, that felt good.

I hate to break it to you, but eating that shit by myself in complete invisibility felt even better than the orgasm I had during my show, and would have been even harder for me to stop myself from doing.

Paths are much cooler when they seem to be leading somewhere.

Here I am naked today in the far corner of our backyard that Delia spent all day Monday clearing of blackberry bushes and other seemingly impenetrable brush, debris, etc. :

I'm the naked destination point at the end of the path!

Delia putting on her gloves that day, about to get down to business:

Delia with her tough overalls and thick garden gloves.

You couldn’t have seen that corner of fence two weeks ago AT ALL . . . now it’s like a new room back there. Sort of empty right now, but full of potential.

Here’s a free gallery of Delia on that same path six or seven months ago before a lot of the clean-up happened (but still after a huge amount of brush was cut back right when we moved in; before that you couldn’t really even walk down that path at all):

FREE PICS of Delia in the backyard looking sexy in stockings!

Last month Delia also cleaned out and replanted a big area along the path closer to where she’s posing in those pics; she took out a huge old woody rosemary bush (it was cool, but DONE/overtough; we have rosemary planted in other places) and other messes and put in some new perennials. You’ll have to wait and see how they look in a couple of months!

We’re opening up lots of little spaces and I’m excited and hopeful about turning them into charming places for us to shoot. My hope is to divert money we’d normally spend to shoot in vacation rental homes for variety and put it into plants and containers and cool stuff for shooting outside here. That wasn’t an option in the other places we rented (lack of privacy, not the right relationship with the landlords, etc.).

I do love renting other spaces away from home to shoot in and hope we can still do that sometimes, but this is awesomely convenient plus the gardening part is therapeutic and something we can enjoy EVERY day. It is slow and a lot of work (and potentially really expensive because I totally want to buy tons of plants and materials . . . and pretty containers so we aren’t burying ALL of our money in Delia’s ex-wife’s property/can take it with us to wherever the next place is, but mostly because pots are pretty and you can move them around FOR MORE COOL AND DIFFERENT SHOOTING ARRANGEMENTS) but I’m learning a lot from it.

I hope this doesn’t sound too much like a vision of Grandfather’s Secret Thomas-Kinkade-Inspired Garden Porn. By the way, here’s a very interesting critique of Kinkade’s unnatural paintings of “light”. Reading that didn’t make me hate his guts, though; it made me relate to him as a pornographer. I definitely feel bad for the guy on a lot of levels and his sad lonely death relapsing into active alcoholism. I don’t think one person can be responsible for a nation of bad taste, and I don’t even hate people’s bad taste when it comes to fake glowing storybook scenes. I mean, I totally watch Toddlers and Tiaras and one of my most cherished possessions is my dancing bananas ashtray – I get so much pleasure from looking at that thing! Yeah, it would be nice if more people could differentiate amazing beauty and talent from crap and value them accordingly, but whatever.

Trying to be such a generous snob-of-the-people is so much hard work I think I need an ice cream cone and a nap now.

Every little puff of air that comes out of my butthole stinks really really bad these days:

We had an awesome day off yesterday except that I had a headache and I still have it. Eventually it will go away, though. I don’t think it’s connected to my stinky farts.

I was happy for the sun yesterday. And today I and my headache were happy for the light rain and cloud cover.

If you see me on cam crying while we watch television, please do not be concerned. If I feel like crying I can’t try to hold it in or it makes my head hurt worse, and I’m a fucking sucker for sentimental TV moments, so there has been/will be crying.

Yay! Our handyman is done fixing our sagging fence! Now there’s not a big gap opening us up to our neighbor and our neighbor to us . . . I’m sure it’s appreciated on her side as much as it is on ours.

Look up above my naked body to see fresh wood!

We’ve gotten a lot more rain than usual this spring, but today is SUNNY so we went for a Sunday walk. The mud wasn’t as bad as last time we took a wet trail walk:

Footprints filled with water in the fun, gushy mud!

Delia and an entire meadow of waist-high stinging nettles growing into a whole untended garden of grub:

A springtime garden of stinging nettles.

Had to crop this camera-phone picture so you could see the butterfly:

Some kind of orange butterfly on nettles.

Working on editing and encoding videos for members now . . . maybe doing some gardening while the vids are rendering? None of the rest of the days this week are forecast to be as sunny as today.