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Archive for the ‘SEX’ Category

Would you be surprised to hear that I’m genuinely INSPIRED by some women’s personal stories of swinging and/or just seeing them fucking and sucking? Here are a few on my mind lately:

*Our friend Sabrina’s blog, Swinging in the Suburbs. I’ve mentioned it before, but she’s been posting more frequently lately and has the perfect balance of honest reflection and erotic titillation (hello bad boy cop story!), plus some provocative questions to ponder.

*Janet Mason’s site and blog: Janet Exposed. I’m not sure why I’ve never explored her site before – she’s been around online since 1998. Today I dove in and read a lot of stuff on her site and LOVE what she has to say.

Janet Mason loves big black cock!

Janet loves the way dark skin looks against her white skin.

I think reading her FAQs page is the reason why I got very excited about the fat, long cucumber Delia brought home from the store tonight. Yes, it’s a far cry from the giant black cocks Janet loves, but she got me so tuned into craving the phallus that I couldn’t help it. On top of that it’s good to read personal stories from women our age about the effects of stress on maintaining a sexy web presence for over a decade. I don’t mean that I’m happy other people have challenges, it’s just a relief and comfort to read people being honest about them.

*Angelique XXX (also a swinger): I just posted a guest gallery of her in my members-only area after finding some of her photos from her recent pregnancy.

Angelique XXX in tight white tank top & jeans.

Pregnant Angelique squeezing her swollen breasts.

I’ve always admired her French Canadian brand of beauty and was really happy to see the pregnant stuff after hearing awhile back that she initially hadn’t felt sexy pregnant. Again, it’s not that I celebrate the idea of her doing something that she didn’t enjoy; rather I enjoy thinking about the process she might have gone through to arrive at a place where she DID feel sexy (and of course the resulting porn is just HOT, especially to someone like myself who has always had the hots for her — seeing her transformed and expanded like that is erotic and potent to me).

I know, all of these words are very dorky and old-manlike, but they’re part of the truth. The part of the truth that just wants to share some hot mama porn without overthinking it to death.

It’s interesting how excited I get about these women’s portrayals of their sex lives even though I wouldn’t want to have their experiences myself. Not exactly, anyway. I don’t think I’ll ever want to be “filled up” and “stretched” the way some chicks (like Janet) do (I find deep penetration painful; I come faster and more often fucking guys with small cocks), but I do relate completely to being extremely aroused just by the sight of a really REALLY big cock. I’ll never be someone who specifically seeks out “black cock” to fetishize (but yeah, I might have a tiny little bit of an agenda in wanting to have sex with black WOMEN). I don’t think I’ll ever want to invest the amount of time in arranging to meet and fuck so many people (and be all clean and gorgeous and multi-orgasmic while doing it) but I do want a little bit of what they have one of these days, for both Delia and I.

But mostly for Delia. I am more of the husband-with-the-camera type.

Honestly, I *have* meant to write more about the whole open-relationship/swinging thing and my idea of what kind of openness is desirable/ideal to me (and what kinds are NOT). And discuss the whole subject of having stunt cocks/guest “models” to fuck on camera. And what I liked about having multiple sex partners in the past. And why that’s not a big priority for me right now, but I anticipate will be again. Someday . . .

Last night we fucked and it has been so long and was so badly needed that it ached in a certain way that for some reason brings to mind a very weird comparison when I try to think of how to describe the feeling.

Sometimes it feels inside like swallowing a hard boiled egg WHOLE. Peeled/no shell, but just like something very big and round and smooth and filling inside your throat. It’s too big and it hurts in an achey/stretchy way, but you know you aren’t going to die from it and somehow it feels really delicious as you’re forcing it into this deeper place of comfort, gulping and swallowing it deeper and deeper while it gets closer and closer to resolution and aches.

This is not a big cock analogy at all, and I know if it’s not a big cock analogy (or even if it is?) that it’s probably a turn-off, but I can’t help it. And it’s definitely not a “deep penetration” analogy because I am not into deep penetration. KEEP IT FAT AND SHALLOW!

Anyway, the boiled egg thing is just the closest I can come to describing something that feels really intense: both soft and difficult at the same time. Something involving a lot of flexing and straining that’s a challenge with a destination that is just SO CLOSE the whole time. There is so much give to a boiled egg.

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Do you remember when telling someone to “go suck on an egg” was a big funny dis? I never understood that. I still don’t understand it. And it has always sounded like something vaguely pleasant and sensual to me. I totally don’t get it, but if you do could you please explain it to me?

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Not that Delia’s cock isn’t BIG . . . it is big! It’s just not as big to my vagina as swallowing a whole boiled egg would be to my throat.

Maybe the boiled egg analogy is actually a subconscious metaphor for the real analogy, which is that perhaps I’ve always wanted to be a snake and swallow my prey whole and feel it go down the inside of my long snake body and have everyone be able to see me guilty, stretched out, my eyes obviously too big for my mouth and everything else.

That is why I prefer to eat in bed where no one can see me (except for the voyeurs watching our spycams). I’m a private snake, so when I say “everyone can see me” all stretched out I mean that I myself have seen snakes stretched out in one round spot like that and I want to feel what that looks like, not really that I want to be looked at myself. I would like to eat in a grassy nest and lay in the sun, hideously deformed by my meal while the animal inside me moves down and down and down and I know it was too big and it’s gruesome and difficult the way I have to keep forcing it down, but it’s so exciting and so fulfilling, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. There is no question of spitting it out now. There’s no turning back . . . . it’s inside me and at some point soon there will be the tiniest bit of relief . . . a little less pressure . . . so that I’ll still feel entirely sated and thoroughly filled up, but it will have hit a certain spot of pleasure and I’ll have just a little more room to breathe.

How long can I feel this super groovy? I hope a looooong time! The memory/deja vu/hopeful-excited-magic feelings I mentioned last week are still here and I feel GREAT. So great that I’m almost worried that I’m losing my marbles and trying to figure out what to attribute these good feelings to.

Is it the B vitamins? The D’s? The pressure being lifted from IRS after being forced to resign myself to accepting and even embracing whatever bad things might happen? Our deliciously mild winter (that could fuck up the winter olympics in Vancouver if the Pacific Northwest doesn’t get more snow)? Getting rid of DirecTV and reading more and enjoying each other more? Our new sound therapy machine with the delta wave inducing sounds (I usually dream so much that I don’t get deep dreamless sleep: a symptom of low serotonin levels/depression)? Is it that I’ve lost some weight? Is it going to twelve-step meetings? Is it just that I’m reading more and I FUCKING LOVE TO READ?!?

I don’t know, but IT IS GOOD! So I’m going to try to enjoy it and not worry that there’s something wrong with me. Goes to show how unhealthy I’ve been for so long that when I feel terrific for more than three hours I think maybe the sky is falling.

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I picked up my new weighted hula hoop today for more high jinks on the spycams! I also have a bollycardio dvd that we rented which I’ve only gone through once and am looking forward to doing more of. It’s jolly/silly camwatching goodness.

Speaking of camwatching goodness, we enjoyed some fucking yesterday and I hope our voyeurs did, too.

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On Friday and Saturday we had a great visit with my sister, brother-in-law and nephews which contributed to my heightened sense of awareness and positivity. Hanging around a three year old and an easily-delighted baby with a huge grin and dimples is like bathing in a clarifying happiness. Music sounds better, everything looks newer and more interesting and mysterious, and I have an excuse to read books aloud that were read to ME when I was little.

And hey, on top of that there is all of this boundless LOVE. On top of just loving those little guys to pieces, the amount of unconditional love I get from them is totally amazing. I’m forced to love myself more just being around them, in part because they do not see flaws but also because I want to always model un-self-conscious confidence to them; they make me love  myself more.

Maybe that’s what’s going on with me lately . . . better brain chemistry. Getting better sleep. Getting rid of the television — maybe having more oxytocin like from being around my nephews and my sister, but also from cuddling Delia and really being TOGETHER in bed instead of just staring at the tube all of the time. Maybe I’m just being flooded with a lot of girl juice: the loving, bonding chemicals, not necessarily the sexy ones.

Cuddling never used to help me fall asleep — it was more something I liked to do for a few minutes BEFORE unsticking bodies and going to sleep on my own side of the bed. Bizarrely enough, I’m actually finally starting to understand how great if feels to fall asleep nestled up to Delia. If I get in her armpit with her arm around me and my nose on her upper tit, I now get an instant jolt of SOMETHING I’ve never had with anybody else. Seriously, it’s some kind of a drug injection that I do think has something to do with oxytocin. Whatever it is, it’s BLISS. Tranquilizing and emotionally/sensually stimulating all at the same time.

It’s still sort of weird and foreign to me so I mostly continue my years-entrenched habit of nestling into my own don’t-touch-me space to sleep, but I think I’m going to try to get more of that business more often. I might need to work on my initiation technique though which consists of awkwardly trying to lift her arm up and demanding she “let me in”.

Yesterday during my webcam show I decided to use one of my small(er) dildos, the Tantus Sport in conjunction with my Hitachi Magic Wand. I figured I’d start out with it for show then work up to something bigger for visual effect and for orgasmic efficacy, but instead I was reminded how sometimes smaller is actually BETTER.

Naturally nude, sitting on the Tantus Sport dildo.

With a smaller penetrator I was able to move it RAPIDLY in and out without pain. Not something I always want (rapid movement, that is), but yesterday — I did. And the range of motion is wider, too; I can move it in an arc – like 3/4 of a circle or maybe a hook/switchback? — jammed upwards an inch or two inside me than stroking out and even sliding it up over my peehole then back down/around/in. While I did that I imagined I was a very uptight guy getting my cock sucked, super shocked & excited by the idea that a girl’s tongue was on the place on where my pee comes out. I got really excited whenever her mouth got specific with that area.

I had two absolutely ecstatic orgasms that way today during my show. A couple of minutes after the loud finale I heard a weird tinkling noise that wasn’t part of the music I had playing. I turned off the song to isolate the sound and discovered it was one of my music boxes. It started playing all by itself. I guess in response to my orgasm? I don’t know, but it was pretty magical and trippy.

One thing I’ve noticed about my body: the more time I’ve spent directly stimulating my clit and relying solely upon it for my orgasm, the more it gets burned out and sick of it; it gets more difficult to climax rather than easier. Totally not so with my g-spot. The more action it gets, the more it wants and the better it feels. When I’ve been fucked with something big I don’t really get to take advantage of that because I usually wind up sore and the rest of my pussy can’t handle more, but with smaller cocks and toys that’s not a problem.

NOTE: I AM STILL USING A VIBRATOR TO STIMULATE MY CLIT/NOT *JUST* MASTURBATING MY G-SPOT.

ANOTHER NOTE: I HAVE HAD SEX WITH A NUMBER OF MEN WITH PENISES NOTICEABLY SMALLER THAN THE TANTUS SPORT AND WITH MOST OF THEM IT WAS STILL *GREAT*. In fact, I’ve probably had more easy orgasms per session with the smallest penis I ever “had”. So there. I’m not stating a preference here since I do love handling, sucking and looking at large cocks and average ones are great too (and my idea of the *perfect* cock is Delia’s), I’m just saying that when it comes to actually using them to get off, the little ones work really really well. Unless, of course, they’re attached to idiot titnards I don’t like, but sometimes even then they have a good practical application.

Christmas Cactus & Others

I want to get lots of things done before 2010 arrives but will probably only be able to manage a couple of them, the most important one being to get ahead on shooting pictures for  our sites. I’d hoped we’d be where we need to be BEFORE this month, but still . . . we’re doing a good job all things considered. Mainly considering that we are only two people and it’s kind of unrealistically bizarre we’ve been doing as much as we have with only two people for seven years. When I hear the number of people other porn companies have working for them I GET REALLY FUCKING JEALOUS. And I also have to just accept that of all the things I want to do, should do, and even NEED to do, I am only ABLE to do a relatively small percentage of them, particularly if I want to maintain any semblance of sanity.

I’d also love to start the year off in better shape: maybe five pounds lighter, a little tighter, and with fewer inches around my middle. I was doing pretty good, but after days of consistent exercise followed by shooting, my muscles are rigid and unhappily torqued with my neck squeezing yuck up to my brain threatening headaches. I should have a standing massage appointment at least once a week to keep my body functioning but unfortunately I can’t afford it so it’s been over a month and I don’t feel so great; my body is annoyed with what I make it do without any assistance or pleasure.

Speaking of pleasure, I started writing an extremely dirty story yesterday, the kind I’m not sure I’ll be able to share, and it made me so insanely excited that I demanded a quickie. I think it’s awesome that I’m able to get worked up, barge in on Delia and tell her, “I’m brushing my teeth — meet me in the bedroom — we need to do it.” AND SHE COMPLIES.

I juiced my panties waiting in line to pay for my birth control pills at the drugstore yesterday.

This guy walked through the door, about 20 years old, 6′5″-ish, flannel shirt, jeans. He was alone and awkward, his shoulders hunched. He had that straight-ahead stare and his whole posture was that of a kid who just tried to get from one class to the other in high school without being picked on, or without letting on that he could hear people picking on him. A tall kid adults thought should play basketball but who absolutely couldn’t.

He was pale and slightly Edward Cullen-like without knowing it and when he walked by me I just wanted to fucking JUMP ON HIM. To be transported to the back of a van with the doors open on a dead end gravel road in the woods, smelling him and feeling him and being under him and on top of him FUCKING OUR BRAINS OUT with him grunting and moaning quietly, wordlessly, and looking slightly scared like the whole situation is just out of his hands . . . beyond his control.

I wanted to touch him all over and bury my nose in his armpits while dragging my slimy cunt up and down on his thigh before using it to devour his pecker.

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It’s probably important to emphasize the whole “waiting to pay for my birth control” bit: during my week off of the extra estrogen I get MAD with fucklust. But beyond that there’s just the whole excitement of smelling a man and seeing him and immediately knowing exactly what it would feel like to be pressed up hard against him. Being suddenly, spontaneously immersed in a vivid sex fantasy in a public place, surrounded by people while your imagination is completely captured by the presence of one man (or sometimes two men or a whole crew of men who just got off work or left football practice or whatever the fuck).

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The other day I mentioned an attractive young man volunteering to be my houseboy/porn stud. And for once having it really sound extremely exciting to me to the point where my mind kept conjuring up the sensation of a tan, wiry 15-years-younger-than-me kid ramming me with his vigorous young boner.

I know, those words are just insanely obnoxious but that’s how insanely horny the thoughts made me, that instead of turning me off all of those tacky concepts thrilled me to the point where my cervix puckered with anxious anticipation. Again, normally the idea of someone banging at my cervix makes me want to vomit, but once these thoughts take hold an enormous gulf separates me from the world of good taste and common sense.

It’s only recently, perhaps in the past year or two, that the thought of fucking barely-legal boys has become a turn-on for me. Not to the extent that it’s displaced being turned-on by guys my age and older – far from it; normally it’s the grizzled dockworkers and loggers and boatbuilders and painters and dirty dirty dirty fully-matured MEN who capture my attention. BUT. As the distance between me and fresh-out-of-high-school grows and the difference between me and them becomes more pronounced I feel more and more turned-on by the idea of having a roster of boys in my little black book to call upon and service me.

Part of it might also be the way people respond to this fantasy online; knowing how many people want to jerk off watching me fucking a fresh-faced, ruddy-cheeked 19 year old with a crazy little prick that never gets soft and is used to shooting buckets of cum every week from his own tugging at home or wherever he can unload is REALLY FUCKING HOT TO ME. Knowing how many people would want to be that boy so bad that it would make their nuts cry makes me want to induce that state of agonizing stiffness.

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I know, you’re all “what about girls and Delia and stuff?!?” I am with a girl, I am WITH Delia, and have been to the exclusion of all others for many years so have been denied men (not denied as in not allowed, but denied for all practical purposes, not by the structure of our relationship but just by circumstance and my own unwillingness to pursue outside interests or cultivate new “hobbies”). And so much of our sexual energy and her cum is diverted by her doing shows and solo shoots that there’s not a lot left over for private banging.

I’m not complaining, this is just a status report. I enjoy the way my lust for other people has swollen over the years. It’s not something I want to act on right now, but is something I’m enjoying being tortured by and look forward to indulging in.

Later, though.

*****

I want to show my members and blog readers pictures of random dudes I want to fuck and the guys who catch my eye on the streets. I want to make the people who jerk off to me start jerking off to my fantasies and for their gaze to turn from my pussy to the cocks they want to fill me, for them to be less interested in their own fantasies of fondling my tits and MORE interested in my own fantasies of dragging my boobs over the chests and faces of young fellows who don’t know what the fuck to do with themselves, let alone with me, except to just hump and pump away at whatever they can stick it into or shake it at but for me to make. Them. WAIT. Until they just shoot their loads on their bellies. Hands free. I want people online to be even more obsessed than I am with the possibilities of who I might wind up seducing or seduced by, and for those people online to not even want it to be themselves. For them to want it to be someone else totally removed and entirely part of my meatworld. And all you get to do is watch and YOU JUST CAN’T WAIT.

It makes me fucking CRAZY.

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I need to go take my girl hormones now.

We went to Seattle on Tuesday for Delia to do a shoot for Shemale Strokers; it’s extremely rare for either of us to shoot for other people so that was a good experience to get us out of our bubble. It looks like next time we’ll shoot something as a couple for SuckMyTrannyCock and I’ll do a solo blowjob and cum-on-the-boobs thing for another site. I can’t remember the last time I had anyone’s cum on me besides Delia’s.

Are we going to start shooting a whole bunch of hardcore for other sites to make quick money? No. There aren’t many people to shoot for in the area and it’s not exactly the direction we want to go anyway for a number of different reasons. On the other hand, if we had more time for traveling and to pornify ourselves with lots of trips to the gym and enough people to work with that we felt comfortable with (for example, people who shoot with condoms) it would be a nice adventure to do that for a few months and get more exposure for ourselves (leading to more exposure for our sites). At the moment, that’s not the plan, though. Maybe in the next couple of years before we totally enter granny status in the porn world.

Part of me is happy to have not had a typical porn industry experience so far, but another part of me feels like we’d be missing out to not experience more of it. The whole testing vs. condoms is a whole other ball of wax, too. While I know most of the diseases that are passed around in porn aren’t the end of the world I’m pretty fucking happy to have made it to this point in my life without herpes, for example, and I’d like to keep it that way. Allow me to clarify: no one is banging down our doors to shoot hardcore, I’m just speaking hypothetically here. Also, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have sex with someone who has herpes (I *have*) or that I think condoms should be mandatory in porn (I don’t), I’m just saying that my comfort level and goals aren’t conducive to jumping into a hardcore porn fuckfest any time soon. I think we both have too many boundaries and limits to get much work on top of me not being in my prime.

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We decided to get a room that night instead of driving all the way back home; one of the bridges we have to cross is having problems and closes for tests every day and all night, plus we haven’t had a night to ourselves off cam in a billion years so we even boarded our dog. It was bliss, and we really should get away for quiet private time on a regular basis AWAY from home; I love working at home for ourselves, but I totally miss the feeling of LEAVING work behind to drive home. We don’t have that and it gets really heavy to never really escape.

We even went to see a movie! Yes, we actually saw A Christmas Carol. I enjoyed it and am glad we saw it on the big screen. Jim Carrey channeled a WEE bit too much of Mr. Burns, but he’s my favorite so that’s fine.

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This weekend and the rest of the month we’re trying to shoot as much as we can for our sites here at home. We also got some stressful but potentially good news about our favorite spycam site to broadcast on which alleviates some of the nagging worries we’ve had over the years but means we have to invest some time and money that we really don’t have into it.

I know it’s all going to work out, though.

How?

I’m not exactly sure. I don’t need to know everything about tomorrow, today.

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I wanted to post a members-only update last night but it’s getting pressed out later and later because the things I keep getting ready to post have to be postponed for one reason or another, namely because I don’t have time to finish them properly. It may turn out that I wind up editing and posting something we’re shooting tonight or tomorrow.