TastyTrixie.com

Archive for the ‘sociopolitical commentary’ Category

FYI to everybody posting this video: I am not watching “Two Lesbians Raised a Baby and This is What They Got” no matter how much you pay me. Sorry – it sounds like a last-century circus act or super old-fashioned heart-warming Jimmy Stewart movie, if Jimmy Stewart would ever have played such a “progressive” role. Which he wouldn’t have.

Just tell me what it is that I’m missing out on if I’m not being fair, because when I attempted to watch 7 seconds of it I almost vomited. EMBARRASSING. Look! He has white skin! He can afford a suit! He’s able to tie a tie! He’s so articulate and poised!!

What happens then? Does he pull a kitten out of his ass and bring it back to life with his amazing lesbian-learned Reiki powers? No wait, the point is that HE IS CLEARLY SO STRAIGHT AND COULD PASS FOR A REPUBLICAN!

NOBODY WHO HATES QUEERS IS GOING TO BE TRANSFORMED BY WATCHING THIS. I mean, if you know someone who hates us who’s had a change of heart because of this video, please let me know. I’d love to hear that story. Otherwise consider me repelled.

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Seriously: am I being totally unfair and should force myself to suffer through more of it to give Zach a fair shake? I just think that if Zach were a transman or Asian or a woman (instead of a white dude with an alpha presence and a douchebaggy know-it-all voice) everyone wouldn’t be watching this thing or listening to them at all. The whole premise of it makes me rancid with disgust.

Wait a second . . . maybe he IS a transman! Color me full of assumptions!! Please tell me he’s trans and I might then watch it.

*A fat, bizzy bumblebee rode around with me in the dashboard & windshield area until I rolled my windows down all the way and she blew out. She had a big orange fuzz corset on.

*Our power bill has gotten smaller the past couple of months; I think I just paid the last really big one ($183). When I see the next bill it’s going to feel like SUMMER! Or maybe not, though . . . it’s been a coldish spring so far. I’m not with the folks complaining about the rain, though — I love it.

*Turkey Vultures! Delia explained to me how to quickly differentiate them from eagles and other raptors, etc. in flight – their wings are dihedral.

*Everyone’s talking about the apocalypse coming tomorrow, but it’s looked like that on the peninsula for years, getting worse and fucking worse with endless driving through clearcuts and “reforested” hellholes. It’s a sad, ugly wasteland of destruction and corporate grotesquery devoid of biodiversity.

A woman and her children watched her husband/their dad jump into a river and disappear when shitstain federal agents questioned them about their immigration status after the forest “service” caught them illegally harvesting sa1a1 & called the B0rder Patr0l. Hahaha . . . isn’t it HILARIOUS how selective we are about caring for natural resources?

Imagining myself dressed up in a giant green sa1a1 costume, like a 5′2″ walking bush of sa1a1 and following those assholes from the DHS around, harassing the shit out of them and publicly mocking them and all the moron racists who love living in a police state. I could make such a grand ass of a nuisance out of myself, crying out “donyou wanna check my papers? I’M AN ILLEGAL BUSH!!” Don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me after that, though, since they aren’t reporting the names or even numbers of people they arrest, put into detention centers, DISAPPEAR, etc.

I know it’s not the right thing to say or the right way to say it, but DAMN I’m glad I’m white! Someday I’ll have to use this white privilege for something useful, though I will not go so far as to sacrifice myself by becoming a burning bush. But wouldn’t that make a great story?

*Speaking of great/bizarre stories, have you read about this planking fad that claimed at least one man’s life? I for one find the desire to become a stiff board (or an evergreen shrub!) extremely compelling. Unfortunately my core isn’t strong enough to pose for highly sought after (I assume they’re highly sought after, anyway) nude planking pics.

If the end IS nigh, it delights me to know this is how we’ll go out . . . planking! But for god’s sake, follow the fucking rules! I can’t abide a plank with a big shit-eating grin on its face:

When performing a Plank:

1/ You must always lay face down, ensuring your face remains expressionless for the duration of the Plank.
2/ Your legs must remain straight, and together with toes pointed.
3/ Your arms must be placed by your side, held straight and fingers pointed.
4/ You must make it known that you are Planking. Saying ‘I am Planking’ usually get this across. Sternly announcing it will ensure a good result.

-via official facebook planking page

*When we were at the beach we didn’t realize it was whale-watching time until someone told us the day we left that lots of gray whales had been seen. I felt a little pang of regret, but with the little amount of time we had left to scope out the ocean from behind a little veil of trees I actually felt more interested in watching the birds (and I’m not just talking about turkey vultures, either!).

An older couple at the table behind us worked on a crossword puzzle; the man knew the answers but couldn’t spell “Rihanna” or “Uhura“. He thought he could, though. But I heard him saying the letters and he was all wrong. Then I found out that I only thought I knew how to spell “mascarpone” so I guess we’re even.

I dreamt of a crowded seniors-only trailer park vacation spot where we went to get away from it all but then we were in my grandma and grandpa’s trailer or something (note: in real life my grandpa is dead and they never lived in a trailer park). I had to pee but every bathroom I went to was full of specialty handicapped nursing home toilets with heightened elevator-seats made of yellowed plastic, and equipment like stainless steel rails, hoses, sprayers, etc. I didn’t want to sit on any of them and a frustrated old black man (I think he was sort of like my dad, who was a deeply tanned Irish in real life but not black) was chasing me (slowly, with a hobble) out of his bathroom(s) that were for him to use, not me.

I came into a bedroom with a hospital bed. My grandma was in it, sort of gyno-exam style, with two female assistants handing her implements on a tray. My old old grandma had a pair of tongs or forceps, a long piece of sinew or thick brown dental floss or something and different needles to thread it through, and a scary circle of metal she was fashioning into a clamp (diameter: between a nickel and quarter). She was in pain but focused on the task at hand which was customizing the thin metal circle to act as a cinch on her cervix to keep everything inside. One of the women held a mirror between her legs and I was horrified by how painful this procedure was going to be for my grandma who apparently had to do it every night before bed and try to sleep with a sharp metal clip digging into the tender flesh of her insides.

A cat jumped up on the bed and its tail swished against the implements. I expressed concern over this, worrying that the implements weren’t sterile and Grandma would get an infection. She brushed me off and prepared to reach into her vagina and pinch off her loosely-gaping cervix. I saw hair and blood on gauze. I protested to one of the nurses “what about rubber or silicone or something softer . . .” as the nurse just shook her head, letting me know that YES, there were alternatives to all of this daily torture but the medical community didn’t care about my grandma. They had bigger fish to fry.

Then an overweight trailer-parky lady won an opportunity to confront the HEAD of the doctors. We walked into his operating theatre where she started yelling at him about what my grandma had to endure and that he had the power to help her and stop withholding the special silicone rings.

He looked at me with utter disdain as he snapped on latex gloves and reminded me that we need to think about the soldiers on the front lines and THAT was what he cared about and how dare I be so selfish when there is a war going on. The men, the heroes, the stupid stupid women crying about their soft trivial cunts, lying in cozy beds. I couldn’t get the words out about how she couldn’t possibly sleep, the agony she was in. I wondered how he could treat us this way when she’d won the contest; how could he humiliate the winner on national television and not even LISTEN? Did this happen to all of the winners in their confrontations? Maybe it was my fault for being there with her. Maybe my presence made it null and void.

We were loud and fat and the other doctors in scrubs didn’t even look at us. I felt ashamed. Our place in the world and the futility of struggling against it was very very clear to me then. We were the cats contaminating the sterile atmosphere, endangering the lives of the heroes and progress in the war just by distracting them with our voices, needs and complaints. Stupid and selfish.

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Not a dream: my cousin died of cancer at the end of April and I never cared much one way or the other whether we were to kill Osama or not. But I do seem to care how and that even though I see people talking about it, I haven’t randomly seen anybody worrying about us killing his “human-shield”/wife or killing three of Qaddafi’s grandCHILDREN-under-twelve. I know this is nothing unusual, “good” guys killing kids and other civilians and apparently only the stupidest of idealistic bleeding heart peacenik liberals would question whether or not its worth it to the point where I had to google it to see whether or not I dreamed that, too, since it seems to be a matter of so little concern that I haven’t seen any mention of these murders in my social network though I HAVE seen plenty of OBL talk. It seems pretty obvious that we (as a general population) don’t consider those kids human or valuable or much of anyone to mourn. WE’RE FUCKING HEROES BLAAAAAHHHH! Do you feel safer now? I don’t. Not at all. I don’t believe anybody is safer anywhere; there is no army or bomb we can trust not to kill kids and the other people we pretend we’re helping. BUT OH MY GOD WOMEN WHO HAVE ABORTIONS SHOULD GO TO JAIL (if you google the Qaddafi grandchildren story get a load of how few stories even MENTION these kids were under twelve – not that if they were thirteen or over it would be a-okay, it’s just hilarious when the pro-”life”rs don’t seem to mind these things, but sucking out a blob of cells is MURDER)!! Fuck the world.

So I’m kind of depressed and just want to watch Star Trek, that much-ridiculed series of shows that actually has a fucking moral compass. What would Jean Luc Picard do? None of this bullshit, that’s for sure. Though the whole Robin Hood redistribution of Qaddafi’s wealth plan sounds sort of cool. Definitely a Captain Janeway kind of move.

Note: I am not writing this to change people’s minds or get in arguments or anything, I’m simply sharing my feelings with those who are curious. Because this is my blog. I understand why some people have different feelings and perspectives on this/these issues.

Also, I feel much better after sitting on this post for a day. I’ll try to post something more jolly soon, I just wanted to make a record of this nightmare.

Here is what I have to say over on Tits and Sass about the new .XXX domain:

.XXX Makes Me .MAD

I haven’t decided yet whether or not we’ll try buy .XXX versions of our .COMs. I certainly don’t want to. And after writing such a critical post about the asshole extortionists trying to force us into it, I’m apprehensive about putting my sites in front of them for approval or giving them my personal information. But I’d be apprehensive about that anyway. And folks in the adult industry are pushing for all of us to boycott .XXX (but I for one don’t feel sorry for Kink.com with their 10,000 domains – they’re not just protecting their brand, they’re part of the problem with that kind of excessive domain hoarding). Besides, my content is hardly consistently “Triple-X” enough to warrant that kind of a stupid-ass rating.

Anyway, do check out TitsAndSass.com not just because I’ll be contributing every so often, but because it’s awesome! Here’s what it’s about:

Tits and Sass is a group blog run by sex workers who saw a void when it came to witty commentary on the public image of our industry. The ideas promoted about us in the public eye have an impact on the realities of our lives as sex workers every bit as strong as the law, so we’re not letting any more dead hooker or stripper bones jokes pass by without comment.

We come from different backgrounds and locations, work as strippers, porn performers, pro-dommes, prostitutes, and have a love of ripping apart stereotypes. This is our space for calling out pop culture fails, celebrating sex worker culture, and talking shop.

I contemplate which award is a bigger honor. If you were trying to impress people at a party, which award would you rather have bragging rights to?

A more detailed comparison of my girlfriend Delia & her website and chopped pressed meats, along with a fantasy of taking a woman-sized formed pâté to my class reunion. I discuss fillers, green business, added hormones and more.

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We have company for a few days, our dear friends Kris and BeerCanMan, but there is work being done, too. Or at least TALK of work being done. Well, I am officially doing work now actually, not that this is the work you WANT me to be doing (and I’m sure you’re with me and would rather I hadn’t devoted hours to bills and money-juggling today) and some of the work is very behind-the-scenes promotional stuff but anyway. More later!

A couple of random notes:

I accompanied Delia to get her first Botox injections today. I was kind of jealous and can totally understand how some people get addicted to those kinds of procedures. I thought for sure the doctor would try to sell me on something as long as I was just standing there, but the only notice he took of me was after his juvederm speech to look over at me and remark, “your cheeks are awesome. You will never need fillers.”

I’m not sure how to handle some compliments (like this sweet one comparing me to Kate Moss), but compliments on my cheeks or cheekbones always make me happy. I think because it’s a remark on something that seems very objective and sounds like a structural analysis. It seems very specific and rational, almost impersonal, so I can accept that kind of flattery. Plus I think it’s accurate. I believe that I *do* have awesome cheeks! Note: I can also graciously accept compliments on specific ways I am “weird”.

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Do you wish I would now talk about how I feel about cosmetic surgery and enhancements and stuff? Maybe another time. Or do you wish I’d sputter about how Kate Moss is a bad role model for young women? Oh gosh . . . don’t even get me started. It makes me really fucking irritated when people jump all over her skinny ass like she’s personally responsible for all of the eating disorders in the world. I don’t think we’re healing women of insecurity by rabidly insisting that skinny women aren’t “real”, which goes back to how I feel about cosmetic stuff; no matter how much silicone you put in your body and how your skin is moved around and your fat excised, YOU ARE STILL A REAL PERSON and should be treated as such. Yeah, I think it’s all very problematic and stuff, but whatever. It’s all too fascinating to blog about in depth right now (no, I’m not being sarcastic: this stuff FASCINATES me though it does sometimes bore the fuck out of me, too . . . I’ve even felt a kind of spiritual awakening reading about people who are extremely addicted to cosmetic body mods). Personal request: PLEASE don’t make any assumptions about me or my beliefs based on this paragraph; I just don’t have time to go into the complexities and nuances right now.

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The second thing I wanted to mention is that Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper is THE BEST!!! It’s advertised as being applicable in situations where you want “a Dependable Clean” but it’s also marvelous in settings where you merely want a soft and delicious dry. I highly recommend this toilet paper to anybody looking for a thick luxury wipe or cheapskates who limit TP rations to two squares per job.

One of the things I dislike about shaving between my legs is that the stubble shreds lesser toilet papers (MD) and I’m left with little wads of white all over my vulva. CUS has solved this problem for me. Honestly, the quality of my life has been significantly improved by giving Charmin Ultra Strong a spin. This is my personal testimonial . . . I’m not receiving any kickbacks from Charmin for it. It’s just a very important consideration for someone like myself who takes great pleasure in pooping, etc.

I know there are more important things in the world to concern myself with, but toilet paper is the only product that interacts with me in an intimate way multiple times each day.

Yes, I know this post is BEGGING for your PUNNY comments!

Milf Renee: hot car upskirt in mesh panties

Busty Juliann on MilfHunter

I think MilfHunter has been around longer than most of the “Mothers I’d Like to Fuck” porn sites. It also epitomizes everything that’s embarrassing and offensive — and apparently successful — about porno schtick marketing. The guy’s gimmick  is that he “hunts” women. All of the words in these promos are exactly the kind of things that make anti-porners gasp in horror:

"He Doesn't Give a Piss About You"

The crosshairs over the dead-looking chick I think are the real “killer”:

MILFhunter has his sights set on your mom

How do I, personally, feel about this kind of language? Wellll . . . I’ve got mixed/conflicted feelings. I think people should talk about it and recognize it as problematic (and I have a *big* problem with anyone thinking it’s just 100% perfectly harmless and acting like you’ve got to be crazy to criticize it, which is how a lot of men in the porn industry react when you point these things out). On the other hand, it’s hard to take it seriously when it’s just so fucking silly. The notion of this character being a menacing threat is a joke, one that the people responsible for it are well aware of:

Big, menacing(?), pop-up MilfHunter head

Short uber-dork "hunter" & conqueror of Milfs?

It’s hard to argue that the site is really inspiring predatorial behavior when you see shots like this one:

Coconut babydoll makes MILF growl when applied to nipple?

Mainstream porn wouldn’t be mainstream porn, I don’t think, if it weren’t filled with lame, offensive jokes; if you can tolerate looking at it long enough you can see the “joke” is often on the guys as much as it is on the women, making a total mockery of themselves with their gun puns and such.

Yes, it would be nice if there were lots more wonderful and special non-junior-high-y porn out there to counterbalance it, but there’s not and it’s not really the fault of pornographers like the creators of MILFhunter to judge them more harshly as though they’re responsible for this dearth of woman-friendly erotica.

My main concern with sites like this isn’t the content and language itself, but how accessible it is to younger people, desensitizing people even further to violent and dehumanizing language about women (which is out there en force in all kinds of media, not just porn) and reinforcing those kinds of perceptions of women (attitudes that would be out there with or without porn but still — how gross is it to train your boner to spring up to that kind of language?), and how few people are able to talk about these things critically without going all whackadoodle extremist about it.  But can you really blame women if they take a quick look at this shit and say, “THAT IS SO NOT FUNNY AND I DON’T EVER WANT TO SEE THAT CRAP AGAIN!”, particularly if they’re among the too-many who HAVE been stalked and hunted for real by predators? It’s difficult to pass off as a “joke” when you look at it from a victim’s perspective, and you should recognize that there are a whole hell of a lot of victims out there. Too many. Still, the whole hunter vs. game concept pervades a lot of our language (have you ever read a romance novel? The kind women buy up in bunches? HELLO!).

Weirdo stalking woman in tanning bed.

So is it chilling? Or just a tasteless marketing angle that provides a cheap framework to hang the sex scenes on? For me it’s way less freaky (and, as a perv, way less creepily HOT) than the old “bird”-watching magazines (I wish I could find the blog entry I made about those).

On top of that, the only really offensive part (to me) is SOME of the advertising. Other ads and the content itself is just downright sweet vanilla. My impression is that the troublesome ads really don’t represent the kind of porn on the site – it’s a branding tool and a scene-setter. Guys jerk off to the sex, not the women-in-crosshairs banner ads, and hey — the only person I saw actually packing heat is one of the MILFs:

Sexy Russian Babe with Shiny Handgun

Yum! And I *love* that photo of him behind her “helping” her take aim, just as I love these sweet shots starting out with him undressing this scrumptious blonde followed by morphing into a harmless pantyhose-head:

MilfHunter is really just a tenderoni.

MilfHunter likes Sheer Underwear

Puffy Pale Pink Pussy exposed by MilfHunter

MilfHunter distracted from hunt by pantyhose antics.

Blonde Milf laughs at "Hunter".

One thing I appreciate about MilfHunter is that condoms are used in a lot of the scenes. I’m not in favor of OSHA or any other government agency (or the porn industry as a whole) mandating condom use (a topic for another entry), but when I see condoms used in porn it raises my opinion of the site or studio making the porn because it seems like they care about their talent.

Hot lady Becca in glasses on MilfHunter

And hello, thank you for a scene involving a chick and her vibrator and a man NEXT to her, then using the toy WHILE FUCKING — why aren’t there more scenes like this in porn?

Woman using a vibrator AND man for ultimate stimulation.

Anyhoo, enough with the analysis. Everyone I know (women too) who has joined this network of sites always has something good to say about it and usually they wind up rejoining, so here are a few more of my favorite samples from MILFhunter:

MILF Shayla getting soapy in short-shorts.

Brunette MILF in tiny underwear

Hot Redhead MILF with pale skin

Disclosure/Confession: if you join after clicking on one of my links to MILFhunter, I will get a referral bonus – thanks!

Oh, and members of OUR sites: Delia and I are doing webcam shows and chat this weekend (Friday night and Saturday) so hope to see you there!

Milf Renee: hot car upskirt in mesh panties

One of my best (and former camgirl) friends just started blogging about her and her husband’s adventures in Swinging in the Suburbs. I knew from talking to her they’d been exploring and playing around more, but there’s something extra delicious about reading her BLOG about it with lots of juicy details and careful thought about different approaches to swinging and what feels right for her.

It’s  hard to describe how excited I got reading her stories; they’re exciting all on their own, of course, but because I am so fond of her (and maybe because I had a threesome with her and her husband) it’s extra gratifying to have this voyeuristic window into how much fun they’re having. They are beautiful, really nice people who deserve to have a good time and are role models to me for their strong and sexually healthy marriage, among a great many other traits I admire.

Reading stories like her latest puts a huge smile on my face because I *know* what her gorgeous smile looks like and how flexible her legs and hips are and exactly what her big boobs feel like and what she sounds like when her pussy’s getting eaten. You might know a few of those things too if you remember her as Prettyface/Sabrina back in her camming days!

From a more generic perspective, I also really appreciate that she isn’t one of these people making up a bunch of bullshit about her exploits or pretending that everything is perfect and totally orgasmic all of the time; being in a healthy relationship(s) doesn’t necessarily mean having tons of sex all of the time. I also think it’s important for people to know more in a general way about the varieties of sex people are having — that are POSSIBLE to have — in committed, straight relationships. It’s funny to compare people’s expectations and perceptions of couples like Delia and I — making porn and being viewed as sexual deviants for a whole host of reasons while being very stay-at-home monogamous in practice — with people’s expectations and perceptions of couples like Sab and her husband who look like (and are) your typical white bread suburban family. At a glance, they would be conservative America’s poster children for marriage and indeed they ARE, but for kinkier, more open reasons that the casual observer could see with a superficial glance.

Anyway, it’s one of those things giving me pleasure lately and helping me feel connected to people I adore that we live too far (half the country away) from to see often. I’m looking forward to reading more posts in the weeks, months and years to come!

Once upon a time in the eighties I read a story in Cosmo about a woman who got stuck on a plane sitting next to a guy who whipped out a porn magazine in flight, putting her in a Very Uncomfortable Position.

There was a pretty good piece in The Washington Post about the same thing happening with porn on mobile devices (stupid WP makes you have a login to read, sorry). Normally most coverage of publicly-consumed porn is really biased and weird, but they did an okay job of it: TECHNOLOGY INCREASES CHANCES TO SEE PORN IN PUBLIC.

Listen. I will defend every adult’s right to buy porn, to make porn, and to think whatever taboo sexual thoughts they want, but when you shove it into someone else’s face, you’re sexually assaulting them. You are forcing them to engage in a sexual encounter with you and your fucking porn without their consent. Is it to the same degree as actually jacking off on them on a plane or frottaging(sp?) them on a train or taking your own dick out and shaking it at them? Of course not (and I totally understand FANTASIZING about doing all of those things or FANTASIZING about those things happening to you), but I personally would press charges against someone who did that next to me. It’s unacceptable.

Of course, I say these things having been resentful at times when I wanted to pull up a NSFW blog or my own site when we’ve been on the road and in internet cafes and had to limit myself or do a lot of alt+tabbing, but that’s a far cry from the guy in the story who started watching hardcore, audible porn with not only the woman right next to him, but HER KIDS, too. The thought of it honestly makes my blood boil and my imagination to immediately go to a place in my head where I’m kicking this man’s teeth in and beating him about the head with his fucking laptop.

The shocking part to me is how many people (let’s face it, mostly MEN) think they’re entitled to publicly entertain their dicks wherever and whenever they want. How can you POSSIBLY think that’s okay? AND WHY ARE THEY GETTING AWAY WITH IT? Frankly I think we’re all obligated to publicly humiliate (to an extent that goes beyond what some of them are probably after in the first place) and legally dog these idiots.

Is there a grey area where I’d be more forgiving? Yeah. I know sometimes when you’re rowdy with another person at dinner or something you might flash some pictures on your cell phone at your buddy and someone might see it from a distance, but when your bubble is touching a stranger’s bubble either physically or audibly, you just do NOT insert sex into said stranger’s bubble. If you’re many seats away from anybody and nobody can HEAR your porn, I think that’s less of a big deal. If you make a valiant effort to hide it when someone approaches, I think that’s okay. And personally I wouldn’t care if someone masturbated next to me on a plane as long as they didn’t expose themselves or touch me or make eye contact with me and they did their best to hide it.

I think that I’ve masturbated under a blanket on a plane just to relax so I don’t know . . . maybe I’m drawing my lines in very subjective ways. I know I’ve had conversations in restaurants that were really graphic, loud, and could easily have made people uncomfortable but I think I’ve never done that with kids around. I hope not, anyway. Plus, I *love* listening to other people have conversations like that. UNLESS it’s guys talking trash about women or anybody calling people names. I have been known to ream people out for that. But it’s still different to talk about a sexual encounter and have people overhear you than start HAVING a sexual encounter with your porn and force people near you to have it with you, whether you intend to or not. And when your loud conversation disparages and insults people it’s kind of the same thing; you’ve drawn total strangers into your bullshit in a hurtful way.

I’ve also been known to have very noisy sex in apartments and not been modest at all about closing curtains when I’m naked or fucking in my own home to the point where I’ve been chastised by property managers and I don’t think people should have to be quiet in the summer when they’re fucking with the windows open to let in cool air at night (god, I love that sound). But I still think that’s different — there are walls, even though they’re penetrable and rendered mostly symbolic, that symbolism is something every civilized person should be able to recognize that establishes distance and literally marks the boundaries of what’s inside and private and what’s out. It’s an entirely different thing, however, if you stand in your window or  your yard making eye contact with schoolgirls as you’re masturbating. That is ENGAGING people and forcing them to participate in your scene. NOT OKAY. Same with listening to loud extreme porn where a neighbor or passerby could hear the sounds of people in pain or engaging in kinky roleplays (I wish I could find the link to a story about someone calling the police on his neighbor because it sounded like he was raping/killing a woman when in actuality he was “just” watching violent porn for hours at high volume). On the other hand, I think it’s perfectly allright for people to masturbate in their cars on their lunch breaks or whatever, with or without porn, as long as they’re not standing up through their sunroof and ejaculating on their windshield or making whatever they’re doing and/or watching visible to people close by.

Then of course I have to admit I’ve exposed myself in public places, mostly for pictures but sometimes just for the pure fun of it. Again, I’m worried that I have a double standard even though I’m 99% *convinced* that when I’ve done it it was DIFFERENT . . . safe and wholesome even when sexually suggestive. Somehow I just don’t believe a nude Trixie is threatening or dangerous or harmful, and I especially don’t think anything is “assault” if you are in a park or something but attempting to be discreet and someone stumbles upon you. If you’re lurking in some bushes, though, waiting for an unsuspecting victim to come along so you can expose yourself to them, then THAT is fucked up. I have masturbated in a library, but I didn’t *want* to be caught, so that makes it okay, right? I mean, I would have been mortified if I’d gotten caught! But for some reason I feel perfectly content telling everyone about it, even my friends only an hour after the fact.

So what about the way I have explicit nudity and sometimes sex acts on the front page of some of my sites (like this blog) without a warning page? Is that just as bad? Of course, I still think that’s different. Is it just because it’s ME and what I want to do? I don’t think so. People who don’t want to see porn can block my sites and I have also added metatags to make it easy for my pages to be identified as adult. Also, I’m not SITTING DOWN next to strangers in public places and making them watch and listen to movies of me masturbating and fucking. Anyone who sees me online still has the control to close their browser.

Then again, I’ve taken my top off on a hot day when driving in heavy traffic. I still had my bra on, but I *so* wanted to take it off and felt very irritated that I could get in trouble for that. I still do. I don’t know how anyone could have a problem with rush hour boobs. Or rush hour masturbating. Just don’t LEER at people, you know?

*****

The whole time I’ve been writing this, comparing these different scenarios, I’ve been torn. I want to be honest with myself and challenge myself to think critically about whether or not my boundaries and judgments are consistent, correct and safe BUT I wonder if by doing that publicly, I’m letting everyone off the hook and confusing issues that are actually very clear.

I could mull this over all night, about how it’s different to shove sex in someone’s unwilling face in a confined space versus being off-trail in a state park giving a pal a handjob when someone stumbles upon you and you quickly try to cover up and the other people are easily able to turn around and go the other way. I could sit here and list all of the reasons why it’s BEYOND inconsiderate to make other people watch/listen to porn (and why it’s especially wrong, I’m afraid to admit [and simultaneously uncomfortable with my hesitation to boldly say], when a MAN does this to a WOMAN and/or kids).

*****

Confession: some of the phone sex calls I’ve taken and gotten off to hardest were from guys with this “problem”, or who at least fantasized about acting on those urges. Guys jerking off in their apartments watching the girls walk home from school in short skirts. Guys jacking off in the parking lot and exposing themselves to their coworkers and other ladies just trying to drive away. Guys sitting in internet cafes with hardons.  I mean, pretty much all of the stuff I get off to hardest is taboo stuff I’d never want to happen in real life.

So how do I feel (almost) completely comfortable saying that if I caught somebody doing these things in real life I’d kick in their teeth, BUT when someone confesses it to me on the phone I just coyly call them naughty, FEIGN shock and disgust, and furiously masturbate myself to orgasm?

I don’t think I’m (a big) part of the problem, but I know a lot of people would beg to differ.

*****

The Washington Post article kind of blows off this behavior as just “too much information” or “socially inappropriate” or shaped by our mobile device culture making people self-absorbed, inconsiderate shitholes (TRUE), but I still think it’s much more sinister and criminal than that in ways that the men MIGHT not get (or totally DO get and that’s part of the thrill). And fuck if I have the patience to explain it right now. Let me know if you want me to, though, and/or if you have some links to people who already have and/or if you want to take a stab at it yourself.

It boggles my mind how I can peck out this many words and still leave so many dangerous gaps.