TastyTrixie.com

Archive for the ‘spycams’ Category

You don’t need me to tell you that times are financially tough right now for a lot of people. You might be curious, though, whether or not recessions and looming depressions have an effect on our porn site sales. The answer? Yes, sales have been a little harder for us to make but overall I feel much more secure than I would in almost any other industry. The main sign we’ve seen that people’s wallets are thin is that we get more denied credit cards.

My main financial concerns right now are not about falling sales, they’re just about having finally reached our limit, unfortunately right at the time when banks and everyone else have reached theirs. I try not to feel a sense of shame or failure about my debt load regardless of how our country tells us that we little people are to blame for overextending ourselves or for being given loans and lines of credit we somehow didn’t deserve. Our only mistake was being born poor while extremely unscrupulous banking bigwigs are bailed out for fucking people anally with insanely high interest rates. Example: it cracks me up that Citibank not only gets away with raising my interest rate and leveling late charges against me for sending a payment in on time that I accidentally wrote for fifty-seven cents less than the minimum payment that month (YES I have written them letters to no avail), but taxpayers get to foot the bill to save their fucking asses.

I’m getting off track.

Point is, after filing our taxes in October (yes, totally late) and maxing ourselves out like crazy we simply need to make more sales. Really, there is no excuse for us not to be making much more money at this point except that we tend to focus more on keeping our members happy than on actually, you know, FINDING MORE MEMBERS. It would be nice if we could do it all, but at this point we need to cut back on some things and rearrange others, at least until we meet some financial goals. So here are a couple of changes we/I are making:

*REALISTIC NUMBER OF WEBCAM SHOWS EVERY OTHER WEEK.
Delia and I have been doing an insane number of shows for too many years: around twenty a month between the two of us. Most girls or couples with sites like ours who actually do live webcam shows do one or two a week, so maybe three to eight shows a month. Frankly it was sucking way too much sexual energy out of our relationship, leaving us very little free time to be spontaneous or go on shooting sprees or, you know, take a day or two off here and there.

We’re now scheduling a couple days of webcam shows a couple times a month/every other week. It still averages out to at least two shows a week this way, but that’s still less than what we have been doing and will give us more breathing room in-between to shoot videos and have recreational sex with each other.

Doing fewer camshows will also open up time to promote our sites in other ways; the truth is that the cam networks stopped being good places to get new members a long time ago. Even the girls who put on great shows and bend over backwards to be great orgasmic little entertainers do not make great sales because of those webcam shows. I will save explaining why for a different blog entry, but suffice to say right now there are more efficient ways of bringing in new sales; at a time like now we simply need to be more efficient.

*FEWER HOURS IN CHAT
I really really love getting to know our members and think an active chatroom with a readily-available hostess is a really awesome feature to have on a porn/spycam site. I’ve had many awesome conversations in chat and gotten to know people I consider friends. Unfortunately, I probably spent way too much time in spycam chat over the years when I should have been focusing more on marketing my site. Now it’s at the point where I really don’t have a choice and need to spend those hours promoting our sites (especially Delia’s because it outsells mine three to one).

I hate to say it, but I just don’t have enough members to justify scheduling so many hours in chat. I’ve tried to find ways to make it work, and I feel like the same small handful of people are coming in just so I don’t feel bad sitting in there alone. Combined with being burned out from all the camshows and being under pressure in other ways, I’m also just not as energetic an entertainer as I once was, anyway, so it’s probably not a very enticing feature anymore. I am, however, continuing to pay for our members-only chatroom (the plugin is only $12.50 a month, but still) and am popping in there every so often and scheduling chats here and there. I’ve also added a separate twitter feed on the spycam, chat and shows pages to notify people of upcoming chats and shows and spycam stuff.

I’ve made a goal for myself that once Delia has 750 members and I have 500 members, I will add 15+ hours of chat per month back into the schedule as long as we can maintain those numbers and people seem to enjoy the chats. I know that 1250 members sounds like a lot, but in the grand scheme of things it’s inexcusable that we don’t have that many and more members right now. When I see the way other porn sites have tons of members and offer so much less than we do, it really makes me mad at myself because there’s no reason we cannot be comfortable, debt-free and have the resources we need to make our sites better.

I just can’t justify doing as much as we’ve been doing and staying so deeply in debt. I’m getting too old for it and it’s taking too much of a toll on me. I need to buckle down and sell the fuck out of our sites, especially Delia’s because she has much less competition.

*LOOSEY-GOOSEY UPDATES
For about five years I was very rigid about my update schedule for members, posting something new every week, and for many years on the exact same DAY each week. I still feel like that’s the ideal way to do things (scheduled updates one or more times a week, depending on whether or not the site has anything else going for it).

Once we made our sites all-access (join one you get them all) I tried to relax a little on that and am finally feeling less anal about it. Now I am focused on our network of sites added ten or more new things each month, which isn’t two hard considering that we have DeliaCD, TastyTrixie, AmberLily, SpyOnUs and TrixiesHouseboy (which is paralyzed right now, but I digress). Still, I have been asking too much of myself and not really giving myself the opportunities to excel at what I do best and WANT to do most at any given time. When I see other sites that I think are great (and so do their members) and they don’t get all crazy freaking out on themselves for not updating like clockwork, I have to think I’m just sabotaging myself with self-criticism and essentially also disrespecting the work my colleagues do; if it’s good enough for them, why isn’t it good enough for me?

This was especially apparent to me when AmberLily joined our network; it was a sudden thing, so we didn’t plan on it by having a bunch of our own content queued up ready to go while we did the things we needed to do to help get her site up on our server and attached to us. It wasn’t that anything I did was particularly HARD, but it did take a lot of hours making phone calls, designing a tour, negotiating stuff, etc. Lots of little things that made me happy to do, but meant I didn’t have time to do other things. I *should* have said, “hey members! This month I won’t be posting new updates but AmberLily’s joining us and you will have her entire site to explore to make up for it!” But I didn’t do that.

From now on, I NEED to do that; realize I can’t do it all, and be proud of what I *do* do, and satisfied that it is enough instead of thinking all will be lost unless I run myself into the ground. The opposite is proving to be true
(duh): all will be lost if I continue to run myself ragged. I’m totally out of gas, which is sad especially when there are a number of women who would like to join our network of sites and I simply don’t have time and energy to invest in working with them right now.

There are tons of things I’ve neglected to do that I need to get taken care of, like redesigning the free areas and blogs for pretty much all of our paysites. How many years have I had the same confusing design on this blog and my site that is now totally outdated with pages of broken things, old pictures, etc.? It’s just unacceptable. And no, I am not listening to anybody who gives me shit about all my other little “projects” and how if I didn’t waste time with them I could finish all these neglected necessaries. Bullshit. If I didn’t allow myself to go off on tangents, then half of the reward of working for myself would be totally fucking DELETED. Whatever makes me want to do those things is the same thing that makes me good at the things people PAY for.

Oh, and speaking of what people pay for, I still really miss doing phone sex, private shows and the potential to do other one-on-one stuff; another set of things I’d like to mix back into my life soon or when we meet some of those money goals.

Basically I am *considering* posting fewer updates to the TastyTrixie members area for a few months or until I feel/look healthier. Lately I’ve been doubling up on them/posting “late”, mostly because I haven’t been happy with a lot of my content and sit on updates until I have something “better” to go with them. In fact, that’s what I’ve been doing with a set of pictures that I edited this week and really kind of hate.

Mostly I guess I need to stop making promises and just focus on making content. And even more than that, SALES. Note: it’s not that our content isn’t good enough to make sales or that we don’t have enough of it or that our members-only areas are lacking; that isn’t the problem at all. It’s simply that the webmasters promoting most porn sites don’t know how to promote us, or have never heard of us because we have no advertising budget, or it’s just not worth it to them to promote us because we can’t pay them as much as these big sites do (yet another subject for another blog entry) or we don’t give them enough free content in the format they like with a lot of bells and whistles and things to make it super-easy (I totally understand why this puts us at a disadvantage).

I know this is a really long post and maybe a total bore to most people, but I feel like I needed to communicate this stuff in writing and by posting it, make a commitment to it myself. Long story short, we need to focus on meeting some attainable, yet very immediately necessary sales goals. I have to close two of my credit card accounts before they raise the interest rates to some even-more god-awful amount; this shit is getting down to the wire and we simply have to stop living on the edge.

*****

One of my favorite books about “unschooling” tells readers that when you allow a young person to escape the lock-step of traditional schools, the person usually needs three months or more to get it out of their system and have their natural curiosity well up enough to be motivated to take advantage of other learning opportunities. Note: there are many things I love about traditional schools AND alternative approaches to education; I’m not knocking schools, just using this as an example. As I’ve alluded to in recent posts, making great life-changing decisions doesn’t always yield immediate relief and results and instant accomplishments; I’ve been pretty exhausted and overwhelmed on a bunch of different levels so I really don’t expect everything to magically be PERFECT and I hope my members are patient and understand that too, though I totally understand if people feel like canceling and perhaps coming back later when I have more to offer.

I’m really looking forward to getting back to making our spycams more entertaining, focusing on Delia’s and my relationship to each other, and feeling better about my body. Today’s the seventh day in a row I’ve exercised and I know by the time the new year rolls around I’m going to feel a million percent better (if the holidays don’t kill me .

We’re celebrating Thanksgiving late today; my sister, nephew and brother-in-law drove to our house last night and Delia’s cooking the turkey right now. The same turkey that’s been in our freezer for more than a year since we had to cancel dinner last year after my mom broke her wrist and had to get surgery mere days before the feast.

As a teenager I really resented seeing the women stuck in the kitchen on Thanksgiving. It seemed completely unfair to me, the way they slaved away while the men sat on their asses thinking up ways to make the day unpleasant and contentious. It’s kind of funny(?) that now I make basically no effort to help Delia prepare meals. And this is actually the SECOND turkey she’s cooked and stuffed in the past month since she made one for a big potluck a few weeks ago. Maybe as a kid I thought I was feeling sorry for the women in my family when really I was just feeling sorry for myself because I had no desire to grow up and be stuck in that role, stuck in the kitchen. At the time it didn’t occur to me to visualize what I WANTED, which was to grow up and have some OTHER woman (or some man) stuck in MY kitchen, cooking her little ass off while I come in just to rub my hands greedily and condescendingly tell her how GOOD it smells, and when will it be ready, honey?

My mom isn’t coming to today’s gathering, either, which is a good thing; I have an insanely bad case of PMS and our whole family gets exhausted when all of us are together. Someday I hope we’ll all live closer together so it’s not such a long-lasting, closely-packed, unable-to-escape-each-other ordeal but right now? That’s how it winds up and it’s too much of an energy-sucking drag for all of us to really be considered a celebration. The competition for control and attention between four strong personalities (mine, my mom’s, my sister’s and her two year old son’s) is too constant. I’ve been encouraged to be more realistic in my expectations for family time, and in taking that advice I don’t feel disappointed today that we’re not all together at once; instead, I’m relieved.

Since our nephew is here a lot of our cams are down or cloaked so that he can run around freely. Also, one of the camsites where we broadcast has been down since yesterday; it’s frustrating, but I’m trying not to worry about it today since there’s nothing I can do about it and it wouldn’t make much of a difference anyway with little Mr. Squishypants in the house.

I, my sister, and Delia stayed up way too late talking so I’m feeling really sleep-deprived right now and am going to try to get in a nap. I have a sick amount of anxiety when my nephew is here, worrying about all the ways he can get hurt, feeling like I need to watch everything he does in our child-unsafe house and around our dog. Even with all that watching, he’s gotten hurt and while it is a consolation knowing none of those times have come even close to killing him — kids HAVE to fall down, split their lips, bash their heads against sharp corners, etc. — I still have a hard time letting go and it’s much worse if I haven’t gotten enough sleep.

Here are some webcam grabs I took today followed by a less-attractive (but slightly more entertaining) video we shot a couple months ago when we were camping and getting our weeny roasting sticks ready:

Tonight while Delia was at her AA meeting I really wanted to play piano and sing, but as usual having the audio on the cams makes me feel totally self-conscious. I know I shouldn’t be, that even if I suck ass it’s entertaining, but that doesn’t matter; I want to be alone.

It’s not that hard to turn the audio off on the cams, but I feel guilty about it and worry that people just joining for the first time will check the cams, not hear anything, and think I lied about broadcasting audio. On the other hand, I feel guilty about not doing something I enjoy and value (making music for the sheer pleasure of it AND to practice/improve) so I think I’m going to start setting that time aside when Delia’s at her meetings for alone time at the piano and just turn the audio off on the cams. I might even log in a special silent cam since I don’t mind people WATCHING from a voyeuristic angle, I just don’t want to be heard, critiqued, etc.

Maybe if I keep that up we’ll start having monthly or weekly “performances” or something so the mystery can be revealed and to motivate me to focus on doing more than just noodling around.

Tomorrow our friends Julia the Naughty Teacher and her photographer are coming over for a visit, which we’re really looking forward to.

We won’t be shooting, just hanging out and chatting; we really need the social time and they’re willing to drive all the way out to our peninsula location so the least we can do is try to get our house to look less like a pig sty. It’s getting late and we still have a lot of cleaning to do, so I decided to post a “no frills” version of The List (of all the people I’ve fucked) tonight along with a guest gallery from Julia, and will publish an additional, more detailed version of The List whenever I’m able to implant the first layer of augmentation in the form of details, links, and video commentary.

While Julia and her photographer are here some of our cams will be down so they will be comfortable. Then we are going to be gone on Thursday so Delia can make one last deposit at the sperm bank before she goes on hormones (we’re taking a break from trying to conceive) and we’ll also deliver a late birthday present to my sister. We’ll also be gone part of Friday for Delia’s laser appointment. Next week I’ll be hosting hyperchat, though, so members will have many opportunities to hang out with me in chat.

VOYEURS: sorry about the PMS – I know it’s not very relaxing to spy on someone screaming and swearing and scowling and barely managing to not throw, kick and break things, but that’s life. I tried to treat it with exercise and got out of the house to blow off some steam; it helped a lot and I enjoyed it, but hormones are stubborn fuckers and I have to let loose before the next three days of interacting with others and/or being away from home where I *have* to control myself.

I’m feeling really blessed to have good friends that I love after spending a few days totally spoiled with good company: Kris Madison and Amberlily drove all the way out to our remote locale so we could have a Sex and the City slumber party (Amberlily’s fun idea). Seeing the movie was entertaining, but the best part was just spending time together and having the chance to talk. Half the time we were off cam (in other rooms or out of the house) or had the audio off so we could speak freely, so it might not have been a big treat for the voyeurs, but for ME? It was heavenly. I actually feel *rejuvinated*.

We did spend a lot of last night in bed talking (with the audio *on*) which was probably pretty entertaining for voyeurs to listen to (or not, depending on their perspectives); we had insanely heated arguments (I almost lost my voice/damaged my own hearing with my own high pitched protestations) about really inconsequential shit (which is the best kind of thing to debate). Does Holly Madison “deserve” better than Hugh Hefner who tells her she’s not photogenic enough to be a centerfold? Do Tim Harrington’s (of Les Savy Fav) performances insult/make fun of his audiences or are they a layered casserole of joy? Those two questions, their characters’ milieus, and the surrounding issues were the basis of HOURS of delightful discussions.

And there were brownies.

We are lucky to have such good friends.

*****

HERE is the latest on our babymaking project: One Down, One to Go.

*****

For once I don’t feel like I need a day off to recuperate after socializing (just a little catch-up on sleep), so before bed tonight I’m going to try to plan a couple of good shoots for tomorrow and get them out to my members as soon as possible.

NEW PLAN. For one week a month I’ll be in HYPERCHAT mode. Coming up the first week of June I have multiple sessions of the old favorite News FLASH! scheduled and various chats at different times of day throughout the week. My goal is to spend about fifteen to twenty hours ten to fifteen hours in members-only chat and/or being generally more “entertaining” on the cams. I won’t be scheduling all of those hours, some will be impromptu, but the point is to have a block of five to seven days each month when members will have a good chance to interact with me no matter what timezone they are in.

Current members CLICK HERE for spycams, chat & schedule.
Non-members JOIN HERE for access.

Note: chat sessions are NOT “shows”, they are for CHAT ONLY. I do not take requests or suggestions unless I say so (in News FLASH!, for example) or I am logged in for PRIVATE shows with a viewer paying me by the minute.

*****

I’m really looking forward to this new plan and think it will allow me the freedom I need during the rest of the month to work uninterrupted (without distractions or guilt) on projects that require my concentration for hours at a stretch with the freedom for me to drop everything else when inspiration strikes BUT will still allow me enough focused time to make hanging out with our members a priority.

Balancing different kinds of work is always a challenge for me, and often a fun challenge; it’s always exhilarating to make new plans, tighten up routines, and approach what I’ve been doing for years in a slightly different way. I like letting the spycams be SPYcams, but I also miss spending time getting to know our members and feeling like I’m being at least a little entertaining and accessible. I think allowing myself a hyperchat week each month will be a nice change of pace without ruining other aspects of my work productivity. And of course I think members will like it, too.

Yesterday during one of my chat & masturbation webcam shows, a viewer asked me if I prefer a large or a small audience. I tried to be diplomatic about it, partly because I myself am uncomfortable with the true answer, so I said that there are pros and cons of each (which *is* true, but is not the answer).

The truth is that I prefer big audiences over small ones for group camshows. I either want to do a private show for just ONE person who pays me by the minute OR I want to do a group show for as many people as possible. Even though smaller crowds are almost always more polite, there is still a bigger thrill associated with having lots and lots and lots of people watching me at once.

I know this answer probably sounds contradictory given some of the complaints I have made about doing shows for big groups along with the enjoyment I’ve told you I experience doing shows for smaller crowds; I’m not invalidating anything I’ve said before — those complaints and acknowledgments still stand. But I’ve *also* told you how I love the feeling of immortality provided by having my life/living enlarged by being watched:

Through my porn sites I have attained a degree of immortality. It sounds crazy, but it’s true and it fascinates me. So much of the work I do amplifies and extends my living; I do feel like I’m more alive because so many people KNOW that I’m living, WATCH me living, READ me living, etc. It’s heady, powerful stuff that overfeeds my most basic, primitive survival instincts. Maybe my own instincts have gone off the rails or I’m unwittingly describing the hallmarks of some kind of pathology, but whatever. Some people cheat death through extreme sports to feel more alive, some people have kids, some people perform acts of heroism . . . but I feel more alive simply because a few bloggy book people (along with thousands of men who’ve become erect and spilled seed over my web-graven images) know who I am.

I know it sounds more like cancer of the ego than immortality, but regardless of whether its source is mental illness or the actual attainment of mythological proportions, I *feel* superhuman because of all the people watching me going about life in my bubble.

This feeling isn’t something I experience on a conscious level, it’s primal (which is funny since it happens because of technology). I’m pretty sure it’s the same feeling that drove Evil Men throughout History to invade and conquer neighboring and distant nations and peoples: to have legions of men lined up and standing erect before you, assimilated and saluting you, compelled to stand mutely before you and powerless to leave unless you expel them. It is heady stuff, and you feel it most when you have either *one* person ensnared OR impressively large numbers of them.

This morning when we fucked we were being watched by people on three different spycam networks. I like that. I cannot tell exactly how many people were watching and I wasn’t interacting with any of those people, but I *did* like logging into one of those networks afterwards to find that 84 people were still watching there even after we had been done for ten minutes. I liked seeing that we had more viewers than any other houses. The numbers are small compared to the glory days back when I started exhibiting spycams, but still . . . fucking is even better somehow when there is a number attached to it of anonymous people who witnessed it. The bigger the number, the better it is (as long as those people had to pay an entrance fee of some sort to see it, otherwise it loses its charm).

The same is true of the group shows that do have interaction; I confess it excites me more to see 500-1500 people watching than it does 50. It’s nothing personal; on the contrary — it’s something very IMpersonal. There’s safety in numbers, even though there are always more assholes in big audiences and they have said some terrifyingly offensive shit to me; I feel less of an obligation to each individual person because I think of them more as a *mass* of people. I don’t feel as awkward or self-conscious because there’s a lot of static washing over me in the chatroom. There are also more people to play off of and time passes quickly; even though I find much of what is said is repetitive and obnoxious, it’s just more entertaining than having a few people being really nice to me. And? There’s a massive thrill in NOT doing what A LOT of people WANT me to do. Most of those people come to shows not to chat or to see a striptease, but for immediate graphic sexual stimulation. I spend about 40 minutes chatting and not being sexually graphic. And then when I am masturbating? It’s, ummm, actually pretty boring to watch, I think. I do it virtually the same way in the same position every show without variation except in toys and occasionally asshole versus pussy. I’m not saying my shows are BAD — I think they’re relaxing, funny, genuine, and sexy — but there are other women putting on much more wank-worthy shows: the kinds most people are *expecting* to see. When I don’t give them that and it angers them, I feel flooded with power. I love telling them that if they want to tell me how to masturbate they’ll have to get a private show where they pay me by the minute. If they are good guys, they’ll ask how they can make that happen (and then I thrill at the opportunity to deny them, since I rarely ever do private shows anymore). THE MORE PEOPLE I DENY (or whose expectations I defy), THE MORE I’M THRILLED.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t love it when people love my shows and express their appreciation or that I don’t love civilized conversation — I *do*, it’s just that there is a special thrill that comes with making hundreds of men horny and mad and unable to make me do what they want; I think this might be the only almost-safe platform for deliberately sexually provoking men/”leading them on” where saying no won’t lead to a physical assault or gang rape, and it is BECAUSE I know that what some of those guys are feeling and saying is precisely what many men (maybe even some of the same ones) have said and felt that led them to hurt women in real life that I feel thrilled; maybe a part of me feels that I’m standing at a unique point in history on a unique technological platform that allows me to magically elude the violent attacks I would suffer were I to say the things I say (and do the things I do) in any other place and time; it’s probably the closest I can come to defying death. Oh, and of course there’s also a thrill that comes with hearing a lot of guys tell me they’ve jerked themselves into a creamy frenzy during my shows. It’s the idea of hundreds (preferably thousands) of CRAZED MEN going apeshit bonkers that gets me so psychologically worked up.

Oh, I know those of you who attend my shows are remembering all the times I’ve dismissed the question I’m asked every show of, “how does it make you feel that 457 (or however many people are present in the chatroom) men are jerking off to you?” but the only reason I act disinterested is because it’s technically inaccurate since I know that not *everyone* watching is male and not everyone is watching the show with one hand on their genitals. My problem with the question is mostly the way that it’s worded along with the hope they have that I’ll say something about how WET it makes me; it’s not that I do not get aroused by these thoughts, however I don’t have time or enough stimulation during my shows (especially at the beginning of them, which is usually when someone asks that question) to really fantasize about that. No, the natural excitement I feel regarding those numbers is POWER.

The times I’ve gotten aroused by viewers in group shows have been when guys say something kinky about themselves like the unusual way they’re masturbating (Oh Trixie, I’m just about to cum in my roommate’s shoe watching you!) or confessing something like my best friend
Brad and I have been jack-off buddies since we were 12; I’m imagining he’s here now & we’re watching you together, beating off! or just a number of simple status report like Oh, Trixie! I had to stop stroking my pole and pinch it because I almost came at the sight of your hairy butthole! or even just good old, Unnhhhhhhhjuscameonmykeyboard!. Unfortunately I get way too few of these kinds of remarks during my shows to really rely on viewer input for arousal and the other stuff I *do* hear regularly is often funny, but rarely a turn-on: Do you want my cum? Tell me you want my cum!! Doesn’t work from a random stranger in a crowded room; in a private show or phone sex? That has potential. Will you marry me? I’ll get you pregnant! The ultimate turn-off. Shuttup Bitch! I didn’t come here to listen to you talk philosophy! While I enjoy this for the element of power, it doesn’t arouse me sexually. I know this sounds sick, but it’s an incredible feeling, knowing there are men SEETHING with hatred and contempt for me but they CAN’T make me shut up. Part of me enjoys hearing all of the predictable ugly insults (fat, ugly, old, stupid, etc.), because I know it is a very VERY special thing to sit here and be safe even when faced with confirmation that women are still loathed and victimized in very scary, gender-specific ways.

If asked what size audience DOES sexually arouse me most, I’d refer you back to private shows: ONE viewer arouses me most, one that I’m interacting with who is paying me by the minute to talk to me, tell me what to do and/or to expose himself to me. Private shows and phone sex are extremely sexually exciting to me (because they’re hot, not because I feel like I’m flirting with danger). You want to know a big reason why I don’t do them much anymore? Because they aren’t as private as they used to be when I started camming and doing phone sex. It used to be just me and one other person: the viewer. Now my circumstances and the camsites have changed so much that I have way too many audiences to really get off on it the way I used to; there are people watching me on our spycams, the cam networks have sneak peeks running and archives being captured, I feel self-conscious with Delia in the house, etc. It’s too much exposure for something that used to be hot because it was SO private. That’s actually a subject for another blog entry I’ve been meaning to write for a long time, but I bring it up to illustrate how many different factors there are and yardsticks for measuring what kinds of shows I like doing best and how many people I like watching them (which is why the diplomatic answer IS TRUE; there are pluses and minuses to all of the different kinds of camming I do).

A few people who’ve had phone sex with me or chatted with me extensively are probably aware how much the numbers mean to me on many different levels; it *is* a big turn on to contemplate the numbers and the gallons, the spurts and the jerks of a large population. But the most instant reaction I have to the numbers DURING my shows is a surge of omnipotence more than arousal. The more people watching, the more power I have (and the more I feel I’m cheating death, I suppose).

Heads up if you want to keep an eye on our spycams tonight: we’ve got fucking on the agenda! I’ve been going crazy, having vivid sex dreams and masturbating, etc. Yesterday during one of my webcam shows I thought I was going to orgasm just from SEEING my clit.

*****

I’m working on promo galleries for Delia’s site right now, it’s been snowing a little bit, and my sister is cooking boca burgers with lots of extra mushrooms, etc. We’ve had to veil and take down some of our cams while they’re visiting because of my nephew being here. It’s worth it (for us), though.