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Archive for the ‘TURN ONS’ Category

I’m so excited that the days are starting to get longer even though it’s still the middle of winter. At least we’re over the hump!

After going years and years without getting a cold, I finally came down with one. Delia had it first and I thought I was going to make it unscathed so I could keep bragging about how I’m super-immune, but alas, not this time. My head is all stuffed up and achey, ears plugged, throat sore and dry, nose chapped & plugged then alternately running . . . and weirdly, I’m kind of enjoying it. It gives me bodywide memories without a lot of pictures of years past, like the feeling of being a kid home from school with grandma bringing me chicken noodle soup in bed. Of having stacks of library books filled with exciting stories and every single one of them new and nothing cliche. I know it sounds cheesy, but I’m pretty sure these feelings are of freedom and excitement or enthusiasm for the future, that whole “ignorance is bliss” sensation of being a kid. Not that being a kid was BLISS for me (I wouldn’t relive my childhood or teenage years for a million dollars), but there were elemental emotions that are hard to experience as an adult. Somehow having a head cold is giving me tastes of them.

We also got rid of DirecTV / our DVR. We’re about a year overdue for that cancellation and after just a few days I already feel more in-the-moment. We’re going back to our method of just Netflixing stuff we want to see. It’s amazing how much of a difference it makes just not having to fast forward through the commercials; I get so much more relaxed so much more quickly that I don’t feel like watching much. And not constantly worrying that the DVR only has 18% space left and we’re going to MISS something or something will be ERASED . . . what craziness.

Since I know you’ll ask: I continue to resist watching tv via the internet (ex. hulu) for a number of reasons, partly because we don’t have a good interface between our pc’s and our tv (and there is no way I’m going to sit at a computer and watch “tv” — I spend enough hours at the computer for work). Also, most of our bandwidth is eaten up by our 24/7 spycams and all of the work-oriented uploading we have to do. We bought one episode of Gossip Girl on itunes and couldn’t get the pc-to-tv connection to work right, had to waste that time downloading, etc. It just wasn’t relaxing and felt like MORE WORK.

Also, I really need to stay away from ads. All of the stuff competing for my attention on the internet literally saps my brain’s strength. And any food advertisements? Those fuck me up so bad – I have no willpower over burger commercials late at night. It’s like a switch is flipped inside me and I have to eat SOMETHING . . . ANYTHING when the television or any kind of monitor presents me with suggestive and colorful mouth-watering food pictures.

So yeah . . . I pretty much spent today in bed with my cold and my period. My members-only update is going to be late (I was hoping we might shoot a stuffed-up-and-sneezing blowjob video, but I’m not sure if we can pull that off . . . I’ll see how my symptoms progress tomorrow; I know some of you are going to be like, “WTF?? Why would I want to see THAT?”, but that kind of stuff is fetish gold AND it makes me horny).

Milf Renee: hot car upskirt in mesh panties

Busty Juliann on MilfHunter

I think MilfHunter has been around longer than most of the “Mothers I’d Like to Fuck” porn sites. It also epitomizes everything that’s embarrassing and offensive — and apparently successful — about porno schtick marketing. The guy’s gimmick  is that he “hunts” women. All of the words in these promos are exactly the kind of things that make anti-porners gasp in horror:

"He Doesn't Give a Piss About You"

The crosshairs over the dead-looking chick I think are the real “killer”:

MILFhunter has his sights set on your mom

How do I, personally, feel about this kind of language? Wellll . . . I’ve got mixed/conflicted feelings. I think people should talk about it and recognize it as problematic (and I have a *big* problem with anyone thinking it’s just 100% perfectly harmless and acting like you’ve got to be crazy to criticize it, which is how a lot of men in the porn industry react when you point these things out). On the other hand, it’s hard to take it seriously when it’s just so fucking silly. The notion of this character being a menacing threat is a joke, one that the people responsible for it are well aware of:

Big, menacing(?), pop-up MilfHunter head

Short uber-dork "hunter" & conqueror of Milfs?

It’s hard to argue that the site is really inspiring predatorial behavior when you see shots like this one:

Coconut babydoll makes MILF growl when applied to nipple?

Mainstream porn wouldn’t be mainstream porn, I don’t think, if it weren’t filled with lame, offensive jokes; if you can tolerate looking at it long enough you can see the “joke” is often on the guys as much as it is on the women, making a total mockery of themselves with their gun puns and such.

Yes, it would be nice if there were lots more wonderful and special non-junior-high-y porn out there to counterbalance it, but there’s not and it’s not really the fault of pornographers like the creators of MILFhunter to judge them more harshly as though they’re responsible for this dearth of woman-friendly erotica.

My main concern with sites like this isn’t the content and language itself, but how accessible it is to younger people, desensitizing people even further to violent and dehumanizing language about women (which is out there en force in all kinds of media, not just porn) and reinforcing those kinds of perceptions of women (attitudes that would be out there with or without porn but still — how gross is it to train your boner to spring up to that kind of language?), and how few people are able to talk about these things critically without going all whackadoodle extremist about it.  But can you really blame women if they take a quick look at this shit and say, “THAT IS SO NOT FUNNY AND I DON’T EVER WANT TO SEE THAT CRAP AGAIN!”, particularly if they’re among the too-many who HAVE been stalked and hunted for real by predators? It’s difficult to pass off as a “joke” when you look at it from a victim’s perspective, and you should recognize that there are a whole hell of a lot of victims out there. Too many. Still, the whole hunter vs. game concept pervades a lot of our language (have you ever read a romance novel? The kind women buy up in bunches? HELLO!).

Weirdo stalking woman in tanning bed.

So is it chilling? Or just a tasteless marketing angle that provides a cheap framework to hang the sex scenes on? For me it’s way less freaky (and, as a perv, way less creepily HOT) than the old “bird”-watching magazines (I wish I could find the blog entry I made about those).

On top of that, the only really offensive part (to me) is SOME of the advertising. Other ads and the content itself is just downright sweet vanilla. My impression is that the troublesome ads really don’t represent the kind of porn on the site – it’s a branding tool and a scene-setter. Guys jerk off to the sex, not the women-in-crosshairs banner ads, and hey — the only person I saw actually packing heat is one of the MILFs:

Sexy Russian Babe with Shiny Handgun

Yum! And I *love* that photo of him behind her “helping” her take aim, just as I love these sweet shots starting out with him undressing this scrumptious blonde followed by morphing into a harmless pantyhose-head:

MilfHunter is really just a tenderoni.

MilfHunter likes Sheer Underwear

Puffy Pale Pink Pussy exposed by MilfHunter

MilfHunter distracted from hunt by pantyhose antics.

Blonde Milf laughs at "Hunter".

One thing I appreciate about MilfHunter is that condoms are used in a lot of the scenes. I’m not in favor of OSHA or any other government agency (or the porn industry as a whole) mandating condom use (a topic for another entry), but when I see condoms used in porn it raises my opinion of the site or studio making the porn because it seems like they care about their talent.

Hot lady Becca in glasses on MilfHunter

And hello, thank you for a scene involving a chick and her vibrator and a man NEXT to her, then using the toy WHILE FUCKING — why aren’t there more scenes like this in porn?

Woman using a vibrator AND man for ultimate stimulation.

Anyhoo, enough with the analysis. Everyone I know (women too) who has joined this network of sites always has something good to say about it and usually they wind up rejoining, so here are a few more of my favorite samples from MILFhunter:

MILF Shayla getting soapy in short-shorts.

Brunette MILF in tiny underwear

Hot Redhead MILF with pale skin

Disclosure/Confession: if you join after clicking on one of my links to MILFhunter, I will get a referral bonus – thanks!

Oh, and members of OUR sites: Delia and I are doing webcam shows and chat this weekend (Friday night and Saturday) so hope to see you there!

Milf Renee: hot car upskirt in mesh panties

If I had a week or two to immerse myself in a certain type of kinky porn and vibe my clit into oblivion, it would start out with taboo toons, specifically a membership to JABcomix, a site I’ve admired since 2003 (but has been around longer than that).

He’s got a special flash book to celebrate Christmas (in addition to the other stuff):

JABcomix White XXXmas Toons

Note: if taboo fantasies trigger bad feelings for you, then this site (and many books you can get in Barnes & Noble, including Anais Nin’s _Delta of Venus_) is not for you.

*****

Hoping to blog pleasant and simple and personal notes tonight, but if not . . . I hope you enjoy whatever holidays you celebrate!

If you’ve never seen the movie Salmonberries you may not have heard of this FUCKING BEAUTIFUL song, so OH MY GOD — here you go:

Is it possible to watch that with a morsel of chick hormones and not be like, “PICK ME, KD — PICK ME!!! I WILL OPEN MY DOOR AND EVERYTHING ELSE GAHHHHHH-hahahaha-CRYING HYSTERICAL TEARS OF INFATUATED DESIRE!!!” ??

Anyway, if I remember correctly the film was incredible, too. Not in a high-production kind of way, but yeah. I miss the days of indie lesbian films. So compelling and awkward.

I wish I’d have appreciated my 18-year old body and taken care of it when it was close to perfectible.

That’s what I was ABOUT to tweet, until I realized it’s a lie. I *did* appreciate my eighteen year old body. I’d been appreciating my maturing body for years in front of the mirror, naked. Or in this one awesome pair of yellow string bikini panties, very eighties style, with the tiny triangle and the extreme V sitting up high on the hips. I remember the brand was “Eve” and I got them at Lamont’s. I danced around in those and fondled myself . . . admired myself from all angles.

When I finally got my own room at eighteen I took it to a whole other level. With privacy, I could light candles and make a whole elaborate masturbation ritual out of it. I’d put music on the stereo I bought myself, one component at a time from Crutchfield, and stand in front of my white mirrored dresser (an antique handed down to me from my mom) rifling through my panty drawer and meager selection of “sexy” stuff.

I almost always wound up pulling on a hot little ivory Christian Dior thong: lace in the back and satin in front with, again, a sweet dip down in the front punctuated with a tiny circle of faux-pearls. Then I’d have to choose between my two pairs of elbow-length gloves: white satin or white lace. You have no idea how much gloves turn me on. It’s not so much the wearing them (though I do like that, too), but looking at them on someone else.

So I would look at myself in the mirror but from a vast distance. I so wanted my gloved hands to be like other teenaged girls’ gloved hands: hot, with the satin stretched TIGHT and their soft, fleshy girl hands emanating sweaty uncomfortable heat. The other girls didn’t like to wear gloves, but FUCK I *loved* them and I wanted to be able to squeeze their hands and never let them go and stroke up and down their arms with my own satin gloves, or bare-handed, and have them squeeze me ALL OVER. Hot, fat, filled-out shiny satin arms and fingers over rustling dresses.

Anyway, my hands never looked that sexy in gloves — they looked thin and insubstantial like flat playing cards. But my arms looked delicious with the satin pushed down just enough to make wrinkles. In addition to being extremely turned on by gloves, I’m also extremely turned on by tight, wrinkled fabrics on long, slender girl arms or legs. Or fat girl arms or legs. WHATEVER. Point is, I still got very, very excited putting on my gloves and admiring myself in the candlelight.

I often switched back and forth between the two pairs of gloves. The lace ones reminded me of the Billy Idol White Wedding video and THAT brought to mind long-festering taboo fantasies of someone who looked (to me) just like him, but better . . . and worse. Rebel Yell, Eyes Without a Face, Sweet Sixteen, White Wedding, Dancing with Myself . . . yeah. Billy Idol fetish planted when I was way too little and he was way too recognizable for me to think it was silly or to resist it or analyze it.

Not that I thought about him when I masturbated. Not very much anyway. I mean, it would only have taken a few seconds of thought allowed to stray in that direction. What I would do, though, in the buildup, is I would arrange the candles in such a way that my shadow was projected on the wall. I’d inflate my chest to highlight a profile of my breast, then I’d have my hand come at it from an unnatural direction, like my boob belonged to someone else. I’d reach in and trace the silhouette of my breast. I’d pull away and reach back to touch and fondle it, over and over again, spying on this other person’s boob being teased and stroked. It’s always been WATCHING my breasts being touched that really initially arouses me. Without watching the hands on my boobs, the sensation of having my breasts touched is actually pretty boring a lot of the time.

I’d mount the corner of my mattress then, again with the candles arranged so I could spy on my shadow, and hump the edge of my bed until I came, over and over again. Sometimes I could just drag myself against the flat of my mattress and that would work, too. I’d watch the shadow of my boob hovering there, and dip myself down to make my nipple touch the mattress. It wasn’t part of the position that made me come, but the sight of that woman’s body touching and being touched made me very excited.

At that age I did feel lonely and wish I could do some of these things with a guy (which kind of doesn’t even make sense when I think about it). More than that, though, I felt a sense of loss that I was young and the only person who was admiring my body. I did feel very strongly that it should be worshipped and felt like the time to do that, the ripe teenaged time, would be over before anyone did.

Many times I felt like someone was standing outside spying on me. I even felt like I could hear them. But I tried to tell myself I was being paranoid and not to worry about it, because every time I tried to catch them, there was no one there.

As it turned out, of course there WAS someone there. Many different people at different times. Everyone from the guy I lost my virginity to, to the village idiot, to the felon who supplied the highest cop with pot (at least, that’s what we figured when we did eventually catch him outside my window and the cop said it was no big deal — he was just standing on cinder blocks he’d stacked up to peer through my blinds “to get high”). It was horribly embarrassing to think about, so I tried not to because there was nothing I could do about it. They’d already seen everything (even more than the masturbating) and knew all of my secrets. Except for the Billy Idol guy that was only in my head. I mean, they knew him too, but not that I thought about him that way.

*****

If I could go back I would nail up a billion blankets over those crappy fucking blinds. I would find a way to make it fair, to make myself paid and worshiped. For me to be the one in control. I know that because of the other things they saw me do, I was like a weird freak show to them, but they were total fucking freaks too and somehow that means I have a weird bond with them for the rest of my life.

I can still remember one of them, the one I had sex with, laughing at me when I was humping his leg without me knowing why he was laughing except that I guessed I was doing everything wrong, even though that was what was going to make me come. It wasn’t until later that I realized he was one of them and all the things he saw. It makes no sense how humiliated I still feel remembering him mocking me when I know now what a dangerously fucked-up individual he was/is. He had such an unfair advantage over me, but he probably thought the same thing of me just by default since he couldn’t last more than twelve pumps. Which of course I actually enjoyed, or WOULD HAVE enjoyed if he’d have gone again. But he never did. Of course, he DID go down on me, but I totally didn’t get that — it was such a foreign sensation that I’d never planned for even though I’d masturbated so often to images of other women’s pussies being licked. I don’t think I understood that I was more interested in going down on chicks than having anyone go down on me.

When I was young, the only true pleasure I experienced on my own terms was by myself. I guess I wish I would have accepted that, made myself more powerful (both physically and . . . spiritually?), and found the confidence and the people to negotiate those terms for myself. I know it’s shallow, but now that I’m older and I can see my body starting to disintegrate and loosen into loose flesh and little balls of fat and poison, I wish I would have ran as fast as I could for miles and taken dance classes and learned how to stretch and spent many many MORE hours in front of not just one mirror, but a fucking roomful of mirrors.

I wish I’d have known about getting paid to stomp on men. I wish I’d have had sex with women sooner. Like that hot Belgian pharmacist with the leather skirt I worked with.

SO MANY MISSED OPPORTUNITIES.

Back in 2001 there were more teasey story-porn pictorials around; I loved them for the buildup and wish we had time to make all (or a lot) of our porn like that.

Here are a couple of 2009 examples from a couple of my favorite web chicks:

Sequoia Redd with Brandi Belle in the Penis Pump Challenge

Poor Cinderella

*****

I’d *love* to do a brain dump here of all the blog-drafts in my head, but I’m starving and trying hard to stop feeling guilty and worried about mistake(s) I/we made. I feel like we don’t have enough time or money to do anything RIGHT, but the truth is we do a lot of things right and fucking up every so often and doing some things half-assed a lot shouldn’t erase all of that. Plus I need to stop kidding myself that perfection is attainable with time and money. It’s not. It never will be. We could have all the time and hired help and money in the world and we’d STILL make mistakes. In fact, we’d probably have the resources to make even more of them with more embarrassing consequences.

Reminding myself: progress, not perfection. Promptly admit when I am wrong. Make amends. Use my own mistakes as a reminder not to judge other people so harshly.

I juiced my panties waiting in line to pay for my birth control pills at the drugstore yesterday.

This guy walked through the door, about 20 years old, 6′5″-ish, flannel shirt, jeans. He was alone and awkward, his shoulders hunched. He had that straight-ahead stare and his whole posture was that of a kid who just tried to get from one class to the other in high school without being picked on, or without letting on that he could hear people picking on him. A tall kid adults thought should play basketball but who absolutely couldn’t.

He was pale and slightly Edward Cullen-like without knowing it and when he walked by me I just wanted to fucking JUMP ON HIM. To be transported to the back of a van with the doors open on a dead end gravel road in the woods, smelling him and feeling him and being under him and on top of him FUCKING OUR BRAINS OUT with him grunting and moaning quietly, wordlessly, and looking slightly scared like the whole situation is just out of his hands . . . beyond his control.

I wanted to touch him all over and bury my nose in his armpits while dragging my slimy cunt up and down on his thigh before using it to devour his pecker.

*****

It’s probably important to emphasize the whole “waiting to pay for my birth control” bit: during my week off of the extra estrogen I get MAD with fucklust. But beyond that there’s just the whole excitement of smelling a man and seeing him and immediately knowing exactly what it would feel like to be pressed up hard against him. Being suddenly, spontaneously immersed in a vivid sex fantasy in a public place, surrounded by people while your imagination is completely captured by the presence of one man (or sometimes two men or a whole crew of men who just got off work or left football practice or whatever the fuck).

*****

The other day I mentioned an attractive young man volunteering to be my houseboy/porn stud. And for once having it really sound extremely exciting to me to the point where my mind kept conjuring up the sensation of a tan, wiry 15-years-younger-than-me kid ramming me with his vigorous young boner.

I know, those words are just insanely obnoxious but that’s how insanely horny the thoughts made me, that instead of turning me off all of those tacky concepts thrilled me to the point where my cervix puckered with anxious anticipation. Again, normally the idea of someone banging at my cervix makes me want to vomit, but once these thoughts take hold an enormous gulf separates me from the world of good taste and common sense.

It’s only recently, perhaps in the past year or two, that the thought of fucking barely-legal boys has become a turn-on for me. Not to the extent that it’s displaced being turned-on by guys my age and older – far from it; normally it’s the grizzled dockworkers and loggers and boatbuilders and painters and dirty dirty dirty fully-matured MEN who capture my attention. BUT. As the distance between me and fresh-out-of-high-school grows and the difference between me and them becomes more pronounced I feel more and more turned-on by the idea of having a roster of boys in my little black book to call upon and service me.

Part of it might also be the way people respond to this fantasy online; knowing how many people want to jerk off watching me fucking a fresh-faced, ruddy-cheeked 19 year old with a crazy little prick that never gets soft and is used to shooting buckets of cum every week from his own tugging at home or wherever he can unload is REALLY FUCKING HOT TO ME. Knowing how many people would want to be that boy so bad that it would make their nuts cry makes me want to induce that state of agonizing stiffness.

*****

I know, you’re all “what about girls and Delia and stuff?!?” I am with a girl, I am WITH Delia, and have been to the exclusion of all others for many years so have been denied men (not denied as in not allowed, but denied for all practical purposes, not by the structure of our relationship but just by circumstance and my own unwillingness to pursue outside interests or cultivate new “hobbies”). And so much of our sexual energy and her cum is diverted by her doing shows and solo shoots that there’s not a lot left over for private banging.

I’m not complaining, this is just a status report. I enjoy the way my lust for other people has swollen over the years. It’s not something I want to act on right now, but is something I’m enjoying being tortured by and look forward to indulging in.

Later, though.

*****

I want to show my members and blog readers pictures of random dudes I want to fuck and the guys who catch my eye on the streets. I want to make the people who jerk off to me start jerking off to my fantasies and for their gaze to turn from my pussy to the cocks they want to fill me, for them to be less interested in their own fantasies of fondling my tits and MORE interested in my own fantasies of dragging my boobs over the chests and faces of young fellows who don’t know what the fuck to do with themselves, let alone with me, except to just hump and pump away at whatever they can stick it into or shake it at but for me to make. Them. WAIT. Until they just shoot their loads on their bellies. Hands free. I want people online to be even more obsessed than I am with the possibilities of who I might wind up seducing or seduced by, and for those people online to not even want it to be themselves. For them to want it to be someone else totally removed and entirely part of my meatworld. And all you get to do is watch and YOU JUST CAN’T WAIT.

It makes me fucking CRAZY.

*****

I need to go take my girl hormones now.

Once upon a time in the eighties I read a story in Cosmo about a woman who got stuck on a plane sitting next to a guy who whipped out a porn magazine in flight, putting her in a Very Uncomfortable Position.

There was a pretty good piece in The Washington Post about the same thing happening with porn on mobile devices (stupid WP makes you have a login to read, sorry). Normally most coverage of publicly-consumed porn is really biased and weird, but they did an okay job of it: TECHNOLOGY INCREASES CHANCES TO SEE PORN IN PUBLIC.

Listen. I will defend every adult’s right to buy porn, to make porn, and to think whatever taboo sexual thoughts they want, but when you shove it into someone else’s face, you’re sexually assaulting them. You are forcing them to engage in a sexual encounter with you and your fucking porn without their consent. Is it to the same degree as actually jacking off on them on a plane or frottaging(sp?) them on a train or taking your own dick out and shaking it at them? Of course not (and I totally understand FANTASIZING about doing all of those things or FANTASIZING about those things happening to you), but I personally would press charges against someone who did that next to me. It’s unacceptable.

Of course, I say these things having been resentful at times when I wanted to pull up a NSFW blog or my own site when we’ve been on the road and in internet cafes and had to limit myself or do a lot of alt+tabbing, but that’s a far cry from the guy in the story who started watching hardcore, audible porn with not only the woman right next to him, but HER KIDS, too. The thought of it honestly makes my blood boil and my imagination to immediately go to a place in my head where I’m kicking this man’s teeth in and beating him about the head with his fucking laptop.

The shocking part to me is how many people (let’s face it, mostly MEN) think they’re entitled to publicly entertain their dicks wherever and whenever they want. How can you POSSIBLY think that’s okay? AND WHY ARE THEY GETTING AWAY WITH IT? Frankly I think we’re all obligated to publicly humiliate (to an extent that goes beyond what some of them are probably after in the first place) and legally dog these idiots.

Is there a grey area where I’d be more forgiving? Yeah. I know sometimes when you’re rowdy with another person at dinner or something you might flash some pictures on your cell phone at your buddy and someone might see it from a distance, but when your bubble is touching a stranger’s bubble either physically or audibly, you just do NOT insert sex into said stranger’s bubble. If you’re many seats away from anybody and nobody can HEAR your porn, I think that’s less of a big deal. If you make a valiant effort to hide it when someone approaches, I think that’s okay. And personally I wouldn’t care if someone masturbated next to me on a plane as long as they didn’t expose themselves or touch me or make eye contact with me and they did their best to hide it.

I think that I’ve masturbated under a blanket on a plane just to relax so I don’t know . . . maybe I’m drawing my lines in very subjective ways. I know I’ve had conversations in restaurants that were really graphic, loud, and could easily have made people uncomfortable but I think I’ve never done that with kids around. I hope not, anyway. Plus, I *love* listening to other people have conversations like that. UNLESS it’s guys talking trash about women or anybody calling people names. I have been known to ream people out for that. But it’s still different to talk about a sexual encounter and have people overhear you than start HAVING a sexual encounter with your porn and force people near you to have it with you, whether you intend to or not. And when your loud conversation disparages and insults people it’s kind of the same thing; you’ve drawn total strangers into your bullshit in a hurtful way.

I’ve also been known to have very noisy sex in apartments and not been modest at all about closing curtains when I’m naked or fucking in my own home to the point where I’ve been chastised by property managers and I don’t think people should have to be quiet in the summer when they’re fucking with the windows open to let in cool air at night (god, I love that sound). But I still think that’s different — there are walls, even though they’re penetrable and rendered mostly symbolic, that symbolism is something every civilized person should be able to recognize that establishes distance and literally marks the boundaries of what’s inside and private and what’s out. It’s an entirely different thing, however, if you stand in your window or  your yard making eye contact with schoolgirls as you’re masturbating. That is ENGAGING people and forcing them to participate in your scene. NOT OKAY. Same with listening to loud extreme porn where a neighbor or passerby could hear the sounds of people in pain or engaging in kinky roleplays (I wish I could find the link to a story about someone calling the police on his neighbor because it sounded like he was raping/killing a woman when in actuality he was “just” watching violent porn for hours at high volume). On the other hand, I think it’s perfectly allright for people to masturbate in their cars on their lunch breaks or whatever, with or without porn, as long as they’re not standing up through their sunroof and ejaculating on their windshield or making whatever they’re doing and/or watching visible to people close by.

Then of course I have to admit I’ve exposed myself in public places, mostly for pictures but sometimes just for the pure fun of it. Again, I’m worried that I have a double standard even though I’m 99% *convinced* that when I’ve done it it was DIFFERENT . . . safe and wholesome even when sexually suggestive. Somehow I just don’t believe a nude Trixie is threatening or dangerous or harmful, and I especially don’t think anything is “assault” if you are in a park or something but attempting to be discreet and someone stumbles upon you. If you’re lurking in some bushes, though, waiting for an unsuspecting victim to come along so you can expose yourself to them, then THAT is fucked up. I have masturbated in a library, but I didn’t *want* to be caught, so that makes it okay, right? I mean, I would have been mortified if I’d gotten caught! But for some reason I feel perfectly content telling everyone about it, even my friends only an hour after the fact.

So what about the way I have explicit nudity and sometimes sex acts on the front page of some of my sites (like this blog) without a warning page? Is that just as bad? Of course, I still think that’s different. Is it just because it’s ME and what I want to do? I don’t think so. People who don’t want to see porn can block my sites and I have also added metatags to make it easy for my pages to be identified as adult. Also, I’m not SITTING DOWN next to strangers in public places and making them watch and listen to movies of me masturbating and fucking. Anyone who sees me online still has the control to close their browser.

Then again, I’ve taken my top off on a hot day when driving in heavy traffic. I still had my bra on, but I *so* wanted to take it off and felt very irritated that I could get in trouble for that. I still do. I don’t know how anyone could have a problem with rush hour boobs. Or rush hour masturbating. Just don’t LEER at people, you know?

*****

The whole time I’ve been writing this, comparing these different scenarios, I’ve been torn. I want to be honest with myself and challenge myself to think critically about whether or not my boundaries and judgments are consistent, correct and safe BUT I wonder if by doing that publicly, I’m letting everyone off the hook and confusing issues that are actually very clear.

I could mull this over all night, about how it’s different to shove sex in someone’s unwilling face in a confined space versus being off-trail in a state park giving a pal a handjob when someone stumbles upon you and you quickly try to cover up and the other people are easily able to turn around and go the other way. I could sit here and list all of the reasons why it’s BEYOND inconsiderate to make other people watch/listen to porn (and why it’s especially wrong, I’m afraid to admit [and simultaneously uncomfortable with my hesitation to boldly say], when a MAN does this to a WOMAN and/or kids).

*****

Confession: some of the phone sex calls I’ve taken and gotten off to hardest were from guys with this “problem”, or who at least fantasized about acting on those urges. Guys jerking off in their apartments watching the girls walk home from school in short skirts. Guys jacking off in the parking lot and exposing themselves to their coworkers and other ladies just trying to drive away. Guys sitting in internet cafes with hardons.  I mean, pretty much all of the stuff I get off to hardest is taboo stuff I’d never want to happen in real life.

So how do I feel (almost) completely comfortable saying that if I caught somebody doing these things in real life I’d kick in their teeth, BUT when someone confesses it to me on the phone I just coyly call them naughty, FEIGN shock and disgust, and furiously masturbate myself to orgasm?

I don’t think I’m (a big) part of the problem, but I know a lot of people would beg to differ.

*****

The Washington Post article kind of blows off this behavior as just “too much information” or “socially inappropriate” or shaped by our mobile device culture making people self-absorbed, inconsiderate shitholes (TRUE), but I still think it’s much more sinister and criminal than that in ways that the men MIGHT not get (or totally DO get and that’s part of the thrill). And fuck if I have the patience to explain it right now. Let me know if you want me to, though, and/or if you have some links to people who already have and/or if you want to take a stab at it yourself.

It boggles my mind how I can peck out this many words and still leave so many dangerous gaps.

Last night we shot a bunch of fun, costumey, Halloween porn. Here are samples from each of the photo sets:

Me, dressed up as a maid in vinyl (we’ve never done the maid costume so we’re WAY overdue for this one):

Busty in PVC french maid costume.

Delia, dressed up as the Queen of Hearts (with cool feathery eyelashes, I’d like to point out):

And a sample from my “Scary Hairy Pussy and Halloween Hemorrhoid” set, one I’ve wanted to do for a very long time (well, not the hemorrhoid part — that was just a happy accident):

After we did all of that, we got into bed and fucked. It was sweet. And juicy. And also fairly well-lit and audible for our voyeurs watching on our spycams, so there! Our photo shoots are pretty tame by today’s porn standards — very tease oriented, usually — so we often build up excitement during the process.