It’s been chilly and super windy recently; felt like I might have jumped the gun on calling it an early spring, but either way … it will be official on Sunday. Regardless: I was SO FUCKING STOKED that our nearby taco cart opened back up … ’tis the season!!!
The sun feels good on the backs of my legs while I wait for my tostada salad with fish
Tomorrow is my birthday so consider this me wearing green in reverse. Or green wearing my shadow?
Card for our friends to get their feet washed & massaged by us
Today is the only full day I’ve had to myself in awhile … so I’m capping it off with some NATURAL sleeping pills, a noodle binge … and a sickening return to Candy Crush after keeping it off my phones for years now:
Noodle binge time!! two bowls of greasy noodles & my gut in polar fleece in foreground.
- White bowl: thin spaghetti with olive oil, salt, parmesan cheese & capers
- Orange bowl: thin spaghetti with sesame oil, chili oil, and (later) soy sauce
Happy birthday to me!!! I’m planning to FULLY exploit my wife when she gets home for a couple of days (don’t worry; she’s looking forward to it as much as I am!), and then I’ll spend a few days with my favorite guy. Although all of that could change if my grandma dies, which could happen very soon.
We thought she was going to depart last year, but dying is an unpredictable business. Still, I feel like I said my goodbyes to her at that point so right now I’m saving my family-grief energies for my mom during the after-part rather than hurrying to make another trip to see Grandma at her most breathing-yet-absent. It may sound like I have a lot of clarity and resolve about this, but honestly I don’t know what the right thing is to do. I don’t feel a pull to go be with her but I do feel some pushing in me to AVOID. You might say the right thing is to go see her — that I’ll regret it if I don’t and she dies before I get to — but honestly I don’t think I will. I might feel *guilty* — concerned what other people think — but that’s not the same thing as genuine regret. I don’t think Grandma will know the difference either way. Then again, that does feel a little like a lie to suit myself because I am certain she knew I was there last time and that it meant something to her.
It meant something (a lot) to me, too.
After a year full of SUN SUN SUN SUN SUN and hardly any rain, we’re finally being dragged into winter. We’ve had some weather the past few weeks with lots of wind, power outages, and some cold nights in the twenties.
High wind warning an excellent excuse to close early!
It’s at the point where people around here get these warnings and just want to avoid all of our machines taking dives and/or hearing our battery backups start beeping. After months of our main data storage being down (and lots of our raw content+ inaccessible) I feel the same way, like “I don’t want my shit to suffer more possible power surges nor do I want to try to work on something only to have the power and/or internet connection go down”.
And I kind of like it, the excuse to just feel the air swirling around and feel it hitting the house and be thankful I’ve never had a tree fall on my head.
The high winds didn’t materialize that day … but they did the next!
It’s funny that they sent this Thursday when the winds didn’t happen but on Friday … the wind came without any text. Maybe nobody wanted to give another false alarm so our local emergency service didn’t alert us. I’m a little weirded out by how much I respond to our county’s emergency texts, like they’re my one friend in the community who wants to call me up and ask if my power is on or not. I don’t mean I respond by replying, just that I feel like a real interaction is happening that makes the weather so much more official and impactful. It makes me remember that the little plot I occupy on the grid is surrounded by neighbors. Usually that makes me apprehensive but somehow these texts make me feel welcomed in a very non-threatening way. Because it’s NOT a real interaction and I don’t have to say anything back.
I think the high wind warning expired a couple of hours ago and we got some more rainbows:
More rainbows as the winds die down
It gets dark early here; sunset is on the schedule today at 4:18.
By the time normal people get off work and eat dinner, it feels like we must be up past our bedtimes.
I’m not a normal person, so bedtime is whenever I say it is. At this time of year it seems appropriate for it to be allllllllll evening, like seven to seven.
I started using an app called Raise the Bar. One of my goals is to be active outside at least a measly ten times a month for a productively invigorating period of time, so I took a cold run/walk at 4ish:
As I got to the point I started worrying that I’d have to climb over these rocks to make it to the beach and sunset around the corner. I really didn’t feel like climbing on the rocks. But I told myself to stop worrying about it — stop trying to make a plan, stop preparing myself for disappointment, stop preparing myself to turn around too soon — and just keep walking and not think about it. Because it’s not a very big deal to just turn around when it becomes fucking clear you want to turn around. I don’t need to constantly assess and imagine what’s ahead.
I was going to try to cam tonight but I think I should go to sleep earlier-ish instead. I keep feeling like I’m coming down with a cold.
Our skies are usually clearer, but colder here in PT.
Delia‘s in California right now, on her way to Vegas to shoot some porn (and having fun along the way):
Delia’s in sunny California!
I’m right here, at home:
Trixie’s in rainy Washington!
While she’s gone it would be useful for me to finally get together with some of the people who’ve expressed interest in shooting with me and have stayed in touch with me about it for over a year, many of them. Having the pleasure of total hour-by-hour freedom while my wife is away sounds more appealing to me than making advance plans with (almost) anybody though.