I’ve got a loose plan to get on cam for Memorial Day (tomorrow/May 30th). Could be any time between tonight (Sunday night) and Tuesday afternoon. Probably only for a few hours; I should be doing other work, but I miss live cam interaction. Camming is how I got started in the internet porn biz back in the year 2000!
A still from a camshow a few months ago, probably gazing at someone’s hard cock. ;)~
I highly recommend getting signed up on TrixieCams.com so you’re all set up to enjoy
- one of my gold shows (usually $5 or less for ~10 minutes of fun)
- having me all to yourself in an exclusive show
- something in between in premium chat
If you miss me this time, there are always a huge variety of people on cam ready to fulfill your requests or just be watched. Naturally I recommend my wife and/or our friend AmberLily if you can’t find me!
Have been very pleasantly sidetracked
- familiarizing myself with an awesome new design tool
- will help with all the site (re)design(s) we need to do
- helps with style consistency / strengthens branding
- starting lithium
- on the level/dosage of a nutritional supplement
- NOT the prescription kind
- only $6.99 for 60 capsules
- WOW – it’s fucking awesome!
- don’t worry; doctor recommended, and researched
It is such a relief and MIRACLE to have a cheap easy fast safe healthy way to make the inside of my brain quiet and not fucking hurt or be scary. It’s amazing.
I know what I’m supposed to be doing now, but I’m still too afraid to really do it.
So I keep doing things I should let go of, because I think they look like REAL WORK to other people, and are more defensible (if I fail, which of course I will if I’m not doing The Right Things … then again, they’re all kinda right things, and all vulnerable to someone saying they’re wrong … so I should stop working so hard at identifying right and wrong and just identify WORK and HOURS WORKING and WHAT FEELS GOOD).
dark moon :: pink cheeks :: big boobs
Headed in the right direction: I’m super happy to recommit myself to a set (yet flexible as-needed) swing-shift schedule. Balancing the freedom of working for myself at home with some STRUCTURE (that I really need and provides its own freedoms) is a struggle, but today felt super NATURAL for me, blocking out 2pm to 10:30 for work. Of course I started early. And I’m finishing late. And I worked on stupid things I should be paying somebody else to do. But hey … I wanted to end my day on BOOBS, not bills, so here they are!
2-10:30 tomorrow I’m going to work. On the “right” things. And not be afraid. The morning and daylight when other people at work is ALL MINE. And midnight is ALL MINE. And I’m going to be in love with all of them.
It probably seems like nothing is happening, but … somethings ARE happening, and I’m excited as I keep practicing letting them take shape with less fear, healthier priorities (and FEWER priorities), and more faith and confidence.
Thanks for your patient, curious, and loving support of me/us!
I went to the doctor yesterday
I’m going back next month for them to do some tests, including the Anti-Mullerian Hormone test we’d never heard of before that indicates the quantity and quality of eggs I have left; that should be interesting. Delia is also waiting for test results on her sperm count to see how she’s been affected by years of hormone therapy . . . and a month without.
Apparently everything looks good down there!
The person I saw is a Physician’s Assistant. She was cute, and waddled in adorably pregnant before telling me to stop taking pictures of my vulva to blow up and scrutinize. She also seemed seriously hell bent on getting us pregnant ASAP.
My mid-life crisis continues . . . and I’m scared.
I’m home now, and still seriously solitude-deprived; I hadn’t planned on spending a bunch of nights in Seattle with Delia, but had to if I wanted to accompany her to her doctor visit and not waste five or six hours on the road going back and forth between hers and mine. We had a pretty special time, though, and I’m mildly less sex-deprived than I would have been otherwise. I just can’t expect to be productive in any way if I don’t have a lot of time alone to concentrate, and Delia is the same way. It continues to be a challenge to accept/respect this and manage our time accordingly, though. I’ve been spending a fuck-ton of time trying to do a better job with time-management over the past month, and hope it starts to pay off as 2015 progresses. Of course all of that will just go down the shitter I imagine when/if I get pregnant. No! What am I saying?!? We will simply be better prepared!