Rainshadow Sunshine

As the days get shorter, I’m super happy to live in a rainshadow where I can wake up and bask in sunshine for a few hours without cloud cover or nonstop drizzle.

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I’m also way excited about this tuna-fish sandwich. I remember hating tuna-noodle casseroles and tuna-fish sandwiches as a kid (I fucking HATED mayonnaise and the smell of hot tuna baked in goo used to gross me the fuck out so bad). But today … YUM.

 

 

In spite of feeling happy in the sunshine, I found myself asking what the fuck my purpose is. Then I turned to look out the window and this chubby little charcoal-ombre bird said TO FLY. And, like, feel the sun on your puffed-out chest!

I hate being so absent from my own site, but I’m getting better at prioritizing. Right now my top priority is redesigning the free area of DeliaTS.com. The magically-efficient good news about that is that all of the work and learning I’m doing with that project will pay off here, and on all of our other sites. Tools have changed A LOT (and so have we) since I started building websites in 2001. I’m excited to implement complex features and more-efficient methods we could only dream about fifteen years ago.

Memorial Day Camming

I’ve got a loose plan to get on cam for Memorial Day (tomorrow/May 30th). Could be any time between tonight (Sunday night) and Tuesday afternoon. Probably only for a few hours; I should be doing other work, but I miss live cam interaction. Camming is how I got started in the internet porn biz back in the year 2000!

Trixie on Cam

A still from a camshow a few months ago, probably gazing at someone’s hard cock. ;)~

I highly recommend getting signed up on TrixieCams.com so you’re all set up to enjoy

  • one of my gold shows (usually $5 or less for ~10 minutes of fun)
  • having me all to yourself in an exclusive show
  • something in between in premium chat

If you miss me this time, there are always a huge variety of people on cam ready to fulfill your requests or just be watched. Naturally I recommend my wife and/or our friend AmberLily if you can’t find me!

Salty Sidetrack

Have been very pleasantly sidetracked

  • familiarizing myself with an awesome new design tool
    • will help with all the site (re)design(s) we need to do
      • helps with style consistency / strengthens branding
  • starting lithium
    • on the level/dosage of a nutritional supplement
      • bought at food coop
    • NOT the prescription kind
      • only $6.99 for 60 capsules
    • WOW – it’s fucking awesome!
      • don’t worry; doctor recommended, and researched 

 

lithium orotate nutritional supplement

It is such a relief and MIRACLE to have a cheap easy fast safe healthy way to make the inside of my brain quiet and not fucking hurt or be scary. It’s amazing.

AMAZING.

Dark Moon, Flushed Cheeks

I know what I’m supposed to be doing now, but I’m still too afraid to really do it.

So I keep doing things I should let go of, because I think they look like REAL WORK to other people, and are more defensible (if I fail, which of course I will if I’m not doing The Right Things … then again, they’re all kinda right things, and all vulnerable to someone saying they’re wrong … so I should stop working so hard at identifying right and wrong and just identify WORK and HOURS WORKING and WHAT FEELS GOOD).

Trixie's big boobs and pink cheeks

dark moon :: pink cheeks :: big boobs

Headed in the right direction: I’m super happy to recommit myself to a set (yet flexible as-needed) swing-shift schedule. Balancing the freedom of working for myself at home with some STRUCTURE (that I really need and provides its own freedoms) is a struggle, but today felt super NATURAL for me, blocking out 2pm to 10:30 for work. Of course I started early. And I’m finishing late. And I worked on stupid things I should be paying somebody else to do. But hey … I wanted to end my day on BOOBS, not bills, so here they are!

2-10:30 tomorrow I’m going to work. On the “right” things. And not be afraid. The morning and daylight when other people at work is ALL MINE. And midnight is ALL MINE. And I’m going to be in love with all of them.

 

On the Way

It probably seems like nothing is happening, but … somethings ARE happening, and I’m excited as I keep practicing letting them take shape with less fear, healthier priorities (and FEWER priorities), and more faith and confidence.

Thanks for your patient, curious, and loving support of me/us!

Hospital Gown

Trixie's crack revealed by hospital gown

I went to the doctor yesterday

I’m going back next month for them to do some tests, including the Anti-Mullerian Hormone test we’d never heard of before that indicates the quantity and quality of eggs I have left; that should be interesting. Delia is also waiting for test results on her sperm count to see how she’s been affected by years of hormone therapy . . . and a month without.

Trixie in hospital gown

Apparently everything looks good down there!

The person I saw is a Physician’s Assistant. She was cute, and waddled in adorably pregnant before telling me to stop taking pictures of my vulva to blow up and scrutinize. She also seemed seriously hell bent on getting us pregnant ASAP.

My mid-life crisis continues . . . and I’m scared.

I’m home now, and still seriously solitude-deprived; I hadn’t planned on spending a bunch of nights in Seattle with Delia, but had to if I wanted to accompany her to her doctor visit and not waste five or six hours on the road going back and forth between hers and mine. We had a pretty special time, though, and I’m mildly less sex-deprived than I would have been otherwise. I just can’t expect to be productive in any way if I don’t have a lot of time alone to concentrate, and Delia is the same way. It continues to be a challenge to accept/respect this and manage our time accordingly, though. I’ve been spending a fuck-ton of time trying to do a better job with time-management over the past month, and hope it starts to pay off as 2015 progresses. Of course all of that will just go down the shitter I imagine when/if I get pregnant. No! What am I saying?!? We will simply be better prepared!

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