It’s been chilly and super windy recently; felt like I might have jumped the gun on calling it an early spring, but either way … it will be official on Sunday. Regardless: I was SO FUCKING STOKED that our nearby taco cart opened back up … ’tis the season!!!
Tomorrow is my birthday so consider this me wearing green in reverse. Or green wearing my shadow?
Today is the only full day I’ve had to myself in awhile … so I’m capping it off with some NATURAL sleeping pills, a noodle binge … and a sickening return to Candy Crush after keeping it off my phones for years now:
- White bowl: thin spaghetti with olive oil, salt, parmesan cheese & capers
- Orange bowl: thin spaghetti with sesame oil, chili oil, and (later) soy sauce
Happy birthday to me!!! I’m planning to FULLY exploit my wife when she gets home for a couple of days (don’t worry; she’s looking forward to it as much as I am!), and then I’ll spend a few days with my favorite guy. Although all of that could change if my grandma dies, which could happen very soon.
We thought she was going to depart last year, but dying is an unpredictable business. Still, I feel like I said my goodbyes to her at that point so right now I’m saving my family-grief energies for my mom during the after-part rather than hurrying to make another trip to see Grandma at her most breathing-yet-absent. It may sound like I have a lot of clarity and resolve about this, but honestly I don’t know what the right thing is to do. I don’t feel a pull to go be with her but I do feel some pushing in me to AVOID. You might say the right thing is to go see her — that I’ll regret it if I don’t and she dies before I get to — but honestly I don’t think I will. I might feel *guilty* — concerned what other people think — but that’s not the same thing as genuine regret. I don’t think Grandma will know the difference either way. Then again, that does feel a little like a lie to suit myself because I am certain she knew I was there last time and that it meant something to her.
It meant something (a lot) to me, too.