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So. The good news is it stopped snowing here and has all melted away. The bad news is I’ve been sick for months now. The other good news is I’m finally tired of it and resigned to the fact that I need to do more to get better.

Snow & Icicles and SNOW!

Note: this post is not going to get sexy / will bore you unless you’re curious about the state of my phlegm and such.

I’ve kind of been ignoring being sick because GOSH I’ve been so much sicker before and able to get better on my own, but I’m really, really tired. I came down with a cold at the end of December, got better for a week or two, but then the sore throat part of it came back along with the gross symptoms I described here. My throat hasn’t actually felt painful or scratchy the past month, it just feels very constricted, tiny, and hard to swallow. And it does look red. People have been bugging me that it might be strep but I’ve been dismissive of that for a number of reasons. Do you really want to know the reasons why? Okay, here are a few of them: 1) because no one else I’ve been close to has had strep or gotten it from me this whole entire time and isn’t strep supposed to be really contagious? 2) Because I’ve had these kinds of symptoms before in my long life and gone to the doctors for strep tests only to have it be a total waste of money because it wasn’t strep, 3) because I TOTALLY BELIEVE I CAN SOMEHOW CURE MYSELF!!, 4) because I hadn’t done everything I possibly could to get better, etc.

But now it’s literally been months and I have other weird sick-but-not-dying feelings. And I’m just so so so fucking tired. But I’ve been so much more tired in my life and I don’t actually feel like I’m dying so maybe I should give it another week or two! Anyhoo, I *will* go to the doctor soon, I promise. With this set of problems on top of how I’ve been randomly breaking out in itchy rashes since April (yeah, almost a whole year) with no apparent cause plus a host of other chronic issues I think I might have a  systemic yeast infection. I’ve been suspecting something like that with my weird nose and throat problems, but didn’t actually know something like that could exist in your sinuses (or bowels or system-wide) until I read it this week in a book I checked out from my doctor’s office. It would all make sense since when I got better two years ago, a big part of the solution was following a low glycemic index diet to improve and stabilize my blood sugar/decrease insulin resistance/increase my insulin sensitivity.

I feel depressed, have very little energy, and am having a super duper hard time eating right even though I know that’s most likely the key to feeling better. When I feel shitty, all I want to do is eat and sleep. I wish I could check myself into some kind of diabetic insane asylum therapeutic fat camp or something.

Getting my B vitamin injections is much better than NOT getting them, but definitely not solving the problem. I started taking 5-HTP more aggressively for the depression problem AND because I read (in that same book where I read about systemic yeast infections) that it helps suppress cravings for carbs / boosts weight loss. I’ve been doing nasal rinses, but not as regularly as I could/should. I’m taking acidophilus, vitamin D supplements (do NOT listen to the government’s recommendations on how little D you should get because they are WRONG), etc. (also not as regularly as I should). I drink emergen-c like it’s going out of style.

*****

I’m torn between embracing and catering to my identity as a sickly creature and denying it absolutely.

Basically my biggest accomplishment most days is just winning the struggle to stay awake. It sucks. And I’m aware that it’s not at all sexy unless you have a fetish for invalids with disproportionately large bellies.

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