This t-shirt is almost like a security blanket for me – so grey and so so soft and big . . . I did all my errands without a coat like this, happy about the sunshine.
If I could wear soft soft loose grey things every day I probably would. Even if people can see my skin through the holes and my nipples through the thinness.
Pictures from my walk (I took nudies — WITH MOSS ON MY HEAD!! — but am leaving them out for now) and a couple of my favorite songs covered by the only band I’ve ever called my favorite:
I should have sent the other multiple choice answers. Like E) HOLY FUCK, can’t you read you stupid bitch?!? But I am a stupid bitch. So I didn’t.
It’s almost nine o’clock at night and I just realized the only thing I’ve eaten since I got up twelve hours ago is
- 1 large apple with less than two tablespoons of peanut butter
- a tablespoon of fish oil / omegas
AND I exercised.
THAT IS REALLY FUCKING BAD. And not on purpose.
Even Christian Bale ate more on his starvation diet for The Machinist (love that movie). He had an apple AND a can of tuna daily. Oh wait, apparently it was an apple OR a can of tuna.
So a nudie pic of the day is not all I’m skipping today. It’s just very important that I eat now. A lot. Heating up meatballs now.
I wonder if my appetite is fucked up because I’m smoking less? Meh . . . probably only one of many factors. This is what happens when my wife isn’t around to take care of me. No wonder I used to be so fucking scrawny.
I don’t need to be more normal. What I need is to be more healthy.
Sorry if I sounded like ANNIE! the past couple of days. May be hard to believe, but I wasn’t actually thinking about that song the whole time. Not that there’s anything wrong with it . . . when was the last time you saw a movie with so many awesomely loud chicks? If Carol Burnett and Bernadette Peters were dudes they’d have been leads in two dozen mega fun blockbusters. OUR LOSS.
In contrast to yesterday/SUNday:
7:40 . . . and I went back to sleep after snapping this:
9:30 . . . but I’m still not worried because the forecast is for ABUNDANT SUNSHINE!
10:37 . . . THERE IT IS!!!!
12:07 . . . feels SO GOOD (until I remember there are only about four hours of it left)
1:11 . . . speaking of things that feel good, I started unwinding my fucked-up muscles with an hour of stretching:
2:16 . . . I go where they take care of me for the cheapest and BEST foods:
And then as I was about to get ready to pick up some vitamins for my insane brain and go to a class, some drama landed on my phone, confusing and distracting me from doing the sundown pics. By the time I was out of the class it was dark.
Looking forward to more abundant sunshine in the days and weeks and months to come, and a healthier perspective and way of living to make dark grey days fun again instead of SOUL-SUCKING TORTURE.
Everything else: deleted.
Yesterday, coping with the short days of winter:
Thinking of tonight as an anticipatory celebration of the sun coming up tomorrow. As long as I look forward to that, I'm good.
— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) January 19, 2014
Top of tomorrow's to-dos: collect fir cones. Count into piles of cones. Rearrange into different groups. Wash hands a lot. #ocdSpiritMaster
— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) January 19, 2014
One minute past noon:
Doing what I said I’d do:
There are lots of birds out. I love moss and the browns and reds stuff under it. People pay thousands of dollars for art that can’t match the exquisite beauty of the free and plentiful things in my hand. I could smell neighbors grilling burgers for the football game. No, I didn’t actually wash my hands compulsively. Not even after I dragged my palm and dirty coat sleeve through wet bright-orange slime.
It was super dreary when I woke up today so I was extra happy with the sun’s appearance, but quickly depressed knowing how soon it would be gone. Even if it stays sunny until sundown. Which is on its way fast.
I’m going to try to remember that winter is temporary, and keep taking steps that I hope will lead to being more on top of things when the days get longer so we can really ENJOY them!
It was QUITE a big job for her . . . there were still some blonde hairs and dark ones that she had to pluck (which felt like being stabbed with hot little needles over and over after the pain of having all that hair ripped out; really the only place it hurts badly is on top where it’s most hairy – asscrack, labia, etc. not so much)
I meant to have her leave a landing strip, but she was awesome and we got to talking and I totally forgot until it was too late so now I’m stuck for awhile with the weird totally-hairless baby-fat pussy. I’m having a hard time relating to it, but I think that’s partly because my body is different-looking and different-feeling than when I’ve had less hair in the past; it looks more sexless this time with more fat, and I think my clit is smaller perhaps from years of being on hormonal birth control.
One of the benefits I always appreciated about shaving was having it be easier to look down and see clit. Right now? All I see when I look down is generic soft pale flesh, not genitals.
Now the hair is growing back in and it’s prickly and requiring some TLC. It should be better after I’ve done it a time or two more.