What happened after this last night:
Sooooo … two cocks in my pussy tonight … that was a first and pretty fucking awesome just as a surprisingly cool thing.
— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) July 13, 2014
Point of clarification: it was two cocks in my pussy TOGETHER / AT THE SAME TIME last night that was a first for me.
— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) July 13, 2014
Today, where I was invited to be “normal”:
Listening to Taurus talk about Aquaman & Wonder woman & Superman & Flash. Okay … HALF listening. pic.twitter.com/AxUYyayLKw
— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) July 13, 2014
We watched Othello at Volunteer Park. As a pornographer subject to ridiculous censorship and potential federal lawsuits for doing things like silly taboo roleplays, it struck me as weird to see family-friendly domestic violence & delightfully-choreographed murder played out on a Sunday afternoon in a super public unbounded space with no trigger warnings and the word WHORE shouted over and over in the same park where you can get arrested for having consensual sex. There are some crazy inconsistencies in how we approach this shit (violence, sex and misogyny in pop culture vs. the sex trades). It’s always interesting to feel these weird tugs-of-war in my guts in response to what is and isn’t considered acceptable and healthy and lawful. Being a middle-aged sex worker and pornographer has kind of made me a conservative scold in a lot of ways. I don’t know how much of it comes from a simple resentful “NO FAIR!” mentality.
Bruise tonight from a sudden playful(?) snap attack last week:
I’m extremely insecure about my limited capacity to be “normal”. I can really only fake it for about forty-five highly-structured minutes, so after around ten sweaty sunbaked hours I’m pretty much ready to go for a brisk walk where I pull at my leash before being kenneled with a really thick soft-towel lining, a bowl of soft warm salty meats in gravy, a sedative and a blanket thrown over my cage. Preferably after some quiet reassuring cuddle time. I think it’s a lot worse after having been told by the last one that I’m totally boring for wanting to spend so much time in bed and he was sick of hearing me say that so many (normal) things are EXHAUSTING to me. Maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much if they weren’t completely understandable complaints any normal person would have about me.
The blue circle indicates where Taurus and I were on blankets last night under the big bright moon, naked . . . and eventually fucking. And stuff.
I should have gotten the camera. For just a few real pictures of him with the sun bouncing blue night off of the moon at him. I should have begged him to sing to me. And always more kissing, and staring down at his mouth before I cover it up with mine.
It was supposed to be a joke, but maybe I *am* getting conditioned to sleep to the sound of him snoring.
And then he had to leave for work, way too early in the morning. I started missing him before he was even gone.
Because it wouldn’t be a nudie potd otherwise:
I often love it when people comment on my blog entries. NO PRESSURE to do so / feel like you need to, but I do enjoy and appreciate it, even though I rarely respond to comments. I recognize that it takes time and thought and effort, so thank you.
IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE COMMENTS ON THIS OR ANY OF MY/OUR BLOGS AND ARE A FELLOW WEBWHORE OR CAMGIRL OR CREATIVE PERSON WITH A WEBSITE OR WEB PRESENCE OR HAVE A PROFILE SOMEWHERE YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SEE, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LINK TO YOUR SITE or Twitter account or whatever (safe-to-surf site) you want to that promotes your work or allows people to get to know you. And by “safe to surf” you know I do NOT mean “work” safe/non-adult. I mean “not a pop-up ad-heavy nightmare that hijacks people’s browsers or machines”.
Delia and I don’t have a ton of traffic, but it’s (YOU are) quality traffic and I’m pretty happy to share it with folks I love who take the time to virtually hug me or add perspectives or feedback. I’m not inviting people to spam our blogs, just to take advantage of the networking/promotional opportunities you have whenever you take the time to leave a legit comment ANYWHERE on the internet.
USE AN AVATAR!
People are more likely to click on your link if they see a FACE that they want to get to know. Combined with saying nice and/or thoughtful and/or funny and/or helpful things in comments YOUR AVATAR can make people LIKE YOU and want to explore and potentially support your work, too.
When I started webwhoring twelve years ago there were different ways to get and trade traffic: toplists, gallery swaps, reciprocal links, picposts, etc. There are so many more opportunities to do it now that are actually a lot easier, FREE, more authentic, allow you to highlight very SPECIFIC characteristics or content or expertise you offer, keep traffic within indie- and women-owned businesses . . . and capitalize much more freely on traffic provided by those who are not; that’s the nature of the overwhelming interactive social media free-for-all. I’m not saying it’s all perfect or that it’s easier to make money now than in 2002 (it’s not), but if we can get over the weird guilt we have about promoting ourselves (which is really just introducing ourselves in what are often extremely soft low-pressure WELCOME ways contrary to what the social media hags and critics say) we have lots of opportunities to bring attention to our work or art or what we’re passionate about with . . . all with little to no extra effort.
YOUR COMMENTS ADD VALUE TO MY SITE!
Before we feel like big huge spammers by posting our links with our names in comments, let’s remember that we add value to the sites and posts we comment on. Seriously, you’re doing me a favor when you comment, ESPECIALLY when folks can verify you are a real live unique entity with engaging things to offer. You make me look way more awesome and interesting than I actually am. When you have your own intriguing web presence(s), you make ME look more intriguing. Also: search engines. And lots LOTS more reasons – it’s not insane to actually PAY people to comment. If I thought some of you actually needed the money that bad and I could afford it, I would fucking pay you to comment/ADVERTISE yourself on our blogs.
Also, when smart people who are familiar with me ask intelligent questions in response to blog entries, it helps me discover what is of interest to people and give me an opportunity to elaborate on something I might otherwise fear is just a big bore (but that I actually might really want to talk about). Thank you, Priscilla!
NOTE: these thank yous also apply to those of you who comment as fans/admirers WITHOUT your own web presence to advertise, too! And if you have a blog or facebook profile or internet storefront to represent you that you feel comfortable sharing, I *love* that! Just think really carefully though before you do something that could jeopardize the privacy of your family or associate them with an adult website.
I NEED HELP WITH THIS, TOO
I’m writing this as much to myself as to my friends, because I often hesitate to comment at all for fear of having the impact of an annoying distraction. And I *rarely* post a link to my site for fear of looking spammy, especially since my sites are porny (I also don’t post a link when an affiliate has taken the time to promote our sites so I just want to say thanks or something without undermining their attempt to make a little money sending us sales – commenting on a webmaster’s attempt to promote you is a different situation from the ones I’m referring to in the rest of this post; you should NOT compete with an affiliate’s attempts to market you on their own site).
I’m clearly way overdue to have a posted comment policy. I feel like I’ve outlined it a little at other times but I can’t figure out where.
So in love with & grateful for today’s sunshine, fresh air, rhodiola, peace & quiet, solitude, & that amazingly satisfying dump I just took.
— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) July 8, 2014
The cable guy is coming over tomorrow/Wednesday morning so either things will become more awesome OR they might get temporarily broken until I can get a new router. If we’re lucky, they’ll at least stay stable so members can spy on Taurus and I later in the day/evening. It will just be him and me this time since Delia is in our Seattle pad.
— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) July 8, 2014
Add to never-ending list of things to blog about: love, adoration and “making fun” of each other.
I noticed a no complaining / no negativity challenge posted by Jane Burgess the other day. It was “go 24 hours without complaining. Not even once…then watch how your life starts changing. “
It sounded like a great idea. I totally believe our brains are plastic and stuff like that works – if you can break the vicious cycle with belly fat and stress and cortisol FUCKING UP YOUR BRAIN and your endocrine system, for example, you can be happier, healthier and SMARTER.
Anyhoo . . . I ignored the challenge.
Until later that day when I heard myself bitching about some inconsequential bullshit, and complaining about how anxious and crazy I feel or how my body isn’t performing the way I want it to. And maybe criticizing somebody else’s bullshit. I think it was when we were on this walk . . . before the bats. So I decided to not allow myself to bitch or moan or criticize until I meet some health and fitness goals. Because getting healthier is plenty to keep me busy AND the most powerful thing I can do to probably solve or reduce a lot of my problems (like anxiety and depression which are super tied to nutrition and health for me).
In the meantime I definitely have no business whining or being negative about stuff or grieving about aging or being frustrated by people, places and things I have no (and shouldn’t try to have any) control over when HERE IS THIS HUGE THING I HAVE ALL THE RESOURCES I NEED TO MAKE SIGNIFICANT POSITIVE CHANGES. And I haven’t been doing it, except very half-assedly, which is lame since I am super fortunate to have the freedom and tools and knowledge and abilities to do pretty transformative things to this machine I am and live in. The wise thing to do is not waste time, energy and emotion on negative shit – it makes no sense to vigorously invest myself in stuff I can’t make better by talking about it (and that even makes things worse) even just for random moments when I can make big good change in my life by focusing on first things first.
I have experienced a handful of times how my brain function and feeling in my body can change so significantly in less than a week of eating right and exercising (plus some other nutritional things, like the B Vitamins) as to feel miraculous. I’m not even exaggerating!
Of course once the miracle happened I never pushed myself to feel my BEST . . . I’m usually super satisfied to just feel better.
To get into practice / break the complaining habit I’ve been making myself do 10 jumping jacks or squats whenever I catch myself being an asshole.
Some of the things that qualify as being an asshole / indicate I need to get up and do something good for myself are
- MOANING about pain or discomfort in my body / announcing whenever I’m sooooooo sleepy or soooooo sore or gaaaaaaaaah whatever STFU
- telling people on the tv how fucking stupid they are
- being impatient with or a dick to Delia (like today when I gave her a look of disgust and asked her why she was touching the outside of the toilet bowl while she was peeing)
- putting the GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME look on my face (at the grocery store Delia started just whispering how many squats I owed her when we were in line and this woman and her adorable fucking children started crowding around me / getting into my bubble).
- pestering people (usually Delia) to give me answers or feedback on stuff when I already have more than enough data to practically apply to make life better / wasting time seeking reassurance and guidance instead of doing something productive / am just annoying her. I DON’T NEED TO WASTE TIME MULLING OVER EVERYTHING I’M UNCERTAIN OF WHEN I *AM* CERTAIN OF SO MUCH . . . enough to keep me busy and happily productively rewardingly occupied for a long time.
- being resentful / mad / impatient
- being afraid
- obsessing over little things/symptoms that I imagine might be wrong with me
Sigh … I think I'm infected with Viral Imaginosis.
— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) July 5, 2014
Just like I’ve experienced profound improvements in life with exercise and better health and nutrition, I’ve also experienced miraculous-feeling peace and calm and nicer-personhood and reductions in fear and sadness when I’ve practiced reducing all of the above bullshit. That requires a lot more love and discipline and faith and utter brokenness than I feel like I can muster up with total purity to the cause of just generally being a better person, though. So I’m going to pair it with having faith that I will feel better and more up to that if I just focus on giving my body a tune-up as motivation to CUT OUT COMPLAINING. Except when it’s funny? Maybe?? NO! Nonononono. Just stop complaining. Right after you post this. Ahem.
So instead of doing the no complaining for just 24 hours, I’m going to do it for one month plus / see how I feel August 10th / on the next full moon. For one thing it’s taking me way more than just one day to get out of hypercritical bitch mode. Being an asshole is an addiction, I swear.
Next up (okay, up someday but I might need reminders if you’re interested): How will I measure that I’m tuned up? -and- Why Being Healthy Scares the Fuck Out of Me
I’m totally going to use Nancy Kerrigan as my inspiration for this. I can’t believe I’m saying that.
Last night while other people were blowing shit up, we saw Only Lovers Left Alive. It was scrumptious and perfect, especially viewed in the SL Room, our first time there, and introduced by the vampirelicious Heathen. I only wish we would have dressed up for it. And that it had been midnight.
Tonight we went for a walk. We stood here and watched bats and an owl.
Delia thinks I should buy this bike. Given my short attention span, I think that is a recipe for a traumatic brain injury.
The almost-last time I rode a bike I ran into a parked car and went over the handlebars and landed on my chin. But I’m considering it anyway . . . it’s only $35 and would at least be good for a shoot (I imagined something with A Charming Woman).
I got thirsty and drank a lot of water when we got home. I like to pour too much water into my mouth and let it all gush out all over my tits and belly and hair.
A couple of my favorite old patriotic not-really-porn stunts:
Aaaaaand hammy song & dance number (you’ll have to turn the volume up . . . or not, if you want to spare yourself the agony of my dorkiness):
Note: I didn’t get all dressed up to do that; it was a spontaneous thing that happened after shooting these pictures.
In the cabin loft, morning after first threesome with Delia and Taurus:
I have waaaaaaay sloppier pictures of this/my snatch where four loads of cum wound up between dinnertime and breakfast this/the next morning. You know . . . if you’re into that kind of thing. Which I’ve gotten to be over the years.
My pussy smells like a hot summer cum dumpster & my wife @DeliaTS is making us french toast & bacon to eat in bed. Life couldn't be better!
— Trixie Fontaine (@tastytrixie) July 3, 2014