Gloomy Summer Saturday

It’s one of the few grey days we’ve had so far this summer . . . but one of the best days I’ve had so far in terms of brain function and motivation and bright ideas and productivity.

what a marble-carved neck you have, naked Trixie

The weather and my better brain function are unrelated . . . unless you count that I woke up feeling fantastic and then got progressively more depressed as the greyness of the day and evening wore on.

beautiful large bare naked breast

And now it’s dark and I feel like crying so . . . yay mood swings!

Trixie's bumpy areola and nipple in black & white

But wait, 90 seconds later I totally don’t feel like crying anymore – awesome!!

I’m so fucking confused . . .

Today’s Anal Shoot

Here’s what we did today:

Rather, DELIA did it . . . I just took pictures and video. ;)

preview of extreme anal picture and video shoot with Delia

You can read more here about the content of the video and how wet this made me on one of my more offensive niche-oriented fetish blogs.

Progress

Wondering how I’m progressing on my no-complaints progress?

chubby lady naked in sport bra outside

Wellllll . . . I got my vitamin shots today and was weighed (we don’t have a scale at home) and measured.

running nude outside

Today I weigh at least sixteen pounds less than I did at my most uhhhhhh . . . voluminous. Sixteen pounds is like a fucking MOUNTAIN on my frame, just so you know.

sunset Trixie

My body fat is down to 33.1% (compared to 39.1% back then / about a year ago).

nude backyard jumping jacks lady

And the most important thing to me is my waist to hip ratio which is down to .87 (from .95) . . . which is still terrible, but whatever.

busty blonde jumping in athletic bra

I totally fell off the no-complaining wagon, though. Have you ever noticed how tempting it is when you’re bonding with people and trying to get to know them to share your dislikes really passionately and get into debates and stuff? And to disregard your need to have restorative time alone because you’re way too into somebody?

Anyway . . . I’ve been negative and complain-y and hypercritical and irritable, all without forcing myself to interrupt the bullshit with jumping jacks or squats or deep stretchy breathing or whatever. But I went to a nice place tonight to be reminded of some simple tools to help me be less of a 1) compulsive 2) asshole, so that was a nice pick-me-up.

lady levitates nude outside

And then I felt SO MUCH BETTER after just FAKING it for these pictures and making note of my progress that I feel a sense of hope and renewed commitment!

It’s amazing how much better I feel after running and jumping around the backyard 87% naked. And posting this stuff here is actually really helpful to me tonight. It makes me really happy to see myself enjoying my body because it can jump and run and smile mid-air.

There should be at least as many pictures like this on the internet as there are of women being “sexy” in more overtly sexual ways. And I mean moving and celebrating our bodies in as many fun ways as we can, in as many different shapes and sizes as we have. I *love* volume in decadent happy motion! I’m just not personally engineered to healthily carry so much of it.

What Do Cats Know? (mostly redacted)

In the backyard waiting for Taurus:

Trixie in green in grass

You should have been watching all of the fun and fingerbanging on the spycams!

We went to sleep early, but not before I had a chance to 1) brazenly FART one of the most noxious rotten eggs ever, 2) make him squeal in protestation, “DO YOU ENJOY MAKING ME SQUIRM?!?” in response to what *I* thought was a brilliant decontamination attempt, and 3) just try to do the things I like to do to get comfortable for bed aka “DRIVING HIM NUTS”.

trixie's bush & pussy selfie outside

Anyhoo . . . yeah, I might repost more of that later for members only, but for now let’s just leave it this way. This is much jollier, and I feel so much better!

Bitten

What happened after this last night:

Today, where I was invited to be “normal”:

We watched Othello at Volunteer Park. As a pornographer subject to ridiculous censorship and potential federal lawsuits for doing things like silly taboo roleplays, it struck me as weird to see family-friendly domestic violence & delightfully-choreographed murder played out on a Sunday afternoon in a super public unbounded space with no trigger warnings and the word WHORE shouted over and over in the same park where you can get arrested for having consensual sex. There are some crazy inconsistencies in how we approach this shit (violence, sex and misogyny in pop culture vs. the sex trades). It’s always interesting to feel these weird tugs-of-war in my guts in response to what is and isn’t considered acceptable and healthy and lawful. Being a middle-aged sex worker and pornographer has kind of made me a conservative scold in a lot of ways. I don’t know how much of it comes from a simple resentful “NO FAIR!” mentality.

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Bruise tonight from a sudden playful(?) snap attack last week:

curvy nude legs with bitemark bruise

I’m extremely insecure about my limited capacity to be “normal”. I can really only fake it for about forty-five highly-structured minutes, so after around ten sweaty sunbaked hours I’m pretty much ready to go for a brisk walk where I pull at my leash before being kenneled with a really thick soft-towel lining, a bowl of soft warm salty meats in gravy, a sedative and a blanket thrown over my cage. Preferably after some quiet reassuring cuddle time. I think it’s a lot worse after having been told by the last one that I’m totally boring for wanting to spend so much time in bed and he was sick of hearing me say that so many (normal) things are EXHAUSTING to me. Maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much if they weren’t completely understandable complaints any normal person would have about me.

Watching Taurus & Delia…

…while we take turns picking out sad songs to play.

Trixie's boyfriend with Trixie's wife

Icebag

Seattle ferry summer

On the way back to Seattle to be with Delia

It’s been one of those days where doing too much was a good thing . . . even if I feel sort of conflicted and stressed-out about it and worried.

old-fashioned icebag headache naked

There were Stars & Moonlight

where we had sex in the backyard

The blue circle indicates where Taurus and I were on blankets last night under the big bright moon, naked . . . and eventually fucking. And stuff.

I should have gotten the camera. For just a few real pictures of him with the sun bouncing blue night off of the moon at him. I should have begged him to sing to me. And always more kissing, and staring down at his mouth before I cover it up with mine.

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It was supposed to be a joke, but maybe I *am* getting conditioned to sleep to the sound of him snoring.

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And then he had to leave for work, way too early in the morning. I started missing him before he was even gone.

blue Trixie

Because it wouldn’t be a nudie potd otherwise:

blue light breasts

 

You’re Invited to Promote Yourself in Comments!

This post is dedicated to Libby & AmberLily & Aaliyah Love & Tara.

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I often love it when people comment on my blog entries. NO PRESSURE to do so / feel like you need to, but I do enjoy and appreciate it, even though I rarely respond to comments. I recognize that it takes time and thought and effort, so thank you.

“SPAM” YOURSELF!

IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE COMMENTS ON THIS OR ANY OF MY/OUR BLOGS AND ARE A FELLOW WEBWHORE OR CAMGIRL OR CREATIVE PERSON WITH A WEBSITE OR WEB PRESENCE OR HAVE A PROFILE SOMEWHERE YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SEE, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LINK TO YOUR SITE or Twitter account or whatever (safe-to-surf site) you want to that promotes your work or allows people to get to know you. And by “safe to surf” you know I do NOT mean “work” safe/non-adult. I mean “not a pop-up ad-heavy nightmare that hijacks people’s browsers or machines”.

Delia and I don’t have a ton of traffic, but it’s (YOU are) quality traffic and I’m pretty happy to share it with folks I love who take the time to virtually hug me or add perspectives or feedback. I’m not inviting people to spam our blogs, just to take advantage of the networking/promotional opportunities you have whenever you take the time to leave a legit comment ANYWHERE on the internet.

USE AN AVATAR!

One way to make your comments lead to more traffic for you is to USE GRAVATAR so when you leave comments, your “globally recognized avatar” shows up. Thanks for this tip years ago, AmberLily.

People are more likely to click on your link if they see a FACE that they want to get to know. Combined with saying nice and/or thoughtful and/or funny and/or helpful things in comments YOUR AVATAR can make people LIKE YOU and want to explore and potentially support your work, too.

When I started webwhoring twelve years ago there were different ways to get and trade traffic: toplists, gallery swaps, reciprocal links, picposts, etc. There are so many more opportunities to do it now that are actually a lot easier, FREE, more authentic, allow you to highlight very SPECIFIC characteristics or content or expertise you offer, keep traffic within indie- and women-owned businesses . . . and capitalize much more freely on traffic provided by those who are not; that’s the nature of the overwhelming interactive social media free-for-all. I’m not saying it’s all perfect or that it’s easier to make money now than in 2002 (it’s not), but if we can get over the weird guilt we have about promoting ourselves (which is really just introducing ourselves in what are often extremely soft low-pressure WELCOME ways contrary to what the social media hags and critics say) we have lots of opportunities to bring attention to our work or art or what we’re passionate about with . . . all with little to no extra effort.

YOUR COMMENTS ADD VALUE TO MY SITE!

Before we feel like big huge spammers by posting our links with our names in comments, let’s remember that we add value to the sites and posts we comment on. Seriously, you’re doing me a favor when you comment, ESPECIALLY when folks can verify you are a real live unique entity with engaging things to offer. You make me look way more awesome and interesting than I actually am. When you have your own intriguing web presence(s), you make ME look more intriguing. Also: search engines. And lots LOTS more reasons – it’s not insane to actually PAY people to comment. If I thought some of you actually needed the money that bad and I could afford it, I would fucking pay you to comment/ADVERTISE yourself on our blogs.

Also, when smart people who are familiar with me ask intelligent questions in response to blog entries, it helps me discover what is of interest to people and give me an opportunity to elaborate on something I might otherwise fear is just a big bore (but that I actually might really want to talk about). Thank you, Priscilla!

NOTE: these thank yous also apply to those of you who comment as fans/admirers WITHOUT your own web presence to advertise, too! And if you have a blog or facebook profile or internet storefront to represent you that you feel comfortable sharing, I *love* that! Just think really carefully though before you do something that could jeopardize the privacy of your family or associate them with an adult website.

I NEED HELP WITH THIS, TOO

I’m writing this as much to myself as to my friends, because I often hesitate to comment at all for fear of having the impact of an annoying distraction. And I *rarely* post a link to my site for fear of looking spammy, especially since my sites are porny (I also don’t post a link when an affiliate has taken the time to promote our sites so I just want to say thanks or something without undermining their attempt to make a little money sending us sales – commenting on a webmaster’s attempt to promote you is a different situation from the ones I’m referring to in the rest of this post; you should NOT compete with an affiliate’s attempts to market you on their own site).

I’m clearly way overdue to have a posted comment policy. I feel like I’ve outlined it a little at other times but I can’t figure out where.

Fuck Yeah Summer!

arm shielding eyes from sun nude

Tasty Trixie's blue summer sky

cleavage hanging in summer lawn

Trixie's shirt is open to the sun and she's so so so so so happy for summer

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The cable guy is coming over tomorrow/Wednesday morning so either things will become more awesome OR they might get temporarily broken until I can get a new router. If we’re lucky, they’ll at least stay stable so members can spy on Taurus and I later in the day/evening. It will just be him and me this time since Delia is in our Seattle pad.

Add to never-ending list of things to blog about: love, adoration and “making fun” of each other.

No Complaints Challenge

I noticed a no complaining / no negativity challenge posted by Jane Burgess the other day. It was “go 24 hours without complaining. Not even once…then watch how your life starts changing. “

It sounded like a great idea. I totally believe our brains are plastic and stuff like that works – if you can break the vicious cycle with belly fat and stress and cortisol FUCKING UP YOUR BRAIN and your endocrine system, for example, you can be happier, healthier and SMARTER.

Anyhoo . . . I ignored the challenge.

sunshine between Trixie's thighs

Sun going down between my legs.

Until later that day when I heard myself bitching about some inconsequential bullshit, and complaining about how anxious and crazy I feel or how my body isn’t performing the way I want it to. And maybe criticizing somebody else’s bullshit. I think it was when we were on this walk . . . before the bats. So I decided to not allow myself to bitch or moan or criticize until I meet some health and fitness goals. Because getting healthier is plenty to keep me busy AND the most powerful thing I can do to probably solve or reduce a lot of my problems (like anxiety and depression which are super tied to nutrition and health for me).

In the meantime I definitely have no business whining or being negative about stuff or grieving about aging or being frustrated by people, places and things I have no (and shouldn’t try to have any) control over when HERE IS THIS HUGE THING I HAVE ALL THE RESOURCES I NEED TO MAKE SIGNIFICANT POSITIVE CHANGES. And I haven’t been doing it, except very half-assedly, which is lame since I am super fortunate to have the freedom and tools and knowledge and abilities to do pretty transformative things to this machine I am and live in. The wise thing to do is not waste time, energy and emotion on negative shit – it makes no sense to vigorously invest myself in stuff I can’t make better by talking about it (and that even makes things worse) even just for random moments when I can make big good change in my life by focusing on first things first.

I have experienced a handful of times how my brain function and feeling in my body can change so significantly in less than a week of eating right and exercising (plus some other nutritional things, like the B Vitamins) as to feel miraculous. I’m not even exaggerating!

Of course once the miracle happened I never pushed myself to feel my BEST . . . I’m usually super satisfied to just feel better.

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To get into practice / break the complaining habit I’ve been making myself do 10 jumping jacks or squats whenever I catch myself being an asshole.

Trixie in middle of nude one-legged squat

One-legged squat in action

Some of the things that qualify as being an asshole / indicate I need to get up and do something good for myself are

  • MOANING about pain or discomfort in my body / announcing whenever I’m sooooooo sleepy or soooooo sore or gaaaaaaaaah whatever STFU
  • telling people on the tv how fucking stupid they are
  • being impatient with or a dick to Delia (like today when I gave her a look of disgust and asked her why she was touching the outside of the toilet bowl while she was peeing)
  • putting the GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME look on my face (at the grocery store Delia started just whispering how many squats I owed her when we were in line and this woman and her adorable fucking children started crowding around me / getting into my bubble).
  • pestering people (usually Delia) to give me answers or feedback on stuff when I already have more than enough data to practically apply to make life better / wasting time seeking reassurance and guidance instead of doing something productive / am just annoying her. I DON’T NEED TO WASTE TIME MULLING OVER EVERYTHING I’M UNCERTAIN OF WHEN I *AM* CERTAIN OF SO MUCH . . . enough to keep me busy and happily productively rewardingly occupied for a long time.
  • being resentful / mad / impatient
  • being afraid
  • obsessing over little things/symptoms that I imagine might be wrong with me

Just like I’ve experienced profound improvements in life with exercise and better health and nutrition, I’ve also experienced miraculous-feeling peace and calm and nicer-personhood and reductions in fear and sadness when I’ve practiced reducing all of the above bullshit. That requires a lot more love and discipline and faith and utter brokenness than I feel like I can muster up with total purity to the cause of just generally being a better person, though. So I’m going to pair it with having faith that I will feel better and more up to that if I just focus on giving my body a tune-up as motivation to CUT OUT COMPLAINING. Except when it’s funny? Maybe?? NO! Nonononono. Just stop complaining. Right after you post this. Ahem.

Trixie squats naked

I am so fucking bad at doing squats. Oops! I owe myself ten for that.

So instead of doing the no complaining for just 24 hours, I’m going to do it for one month plus / see how I feel August 10th / on the next full moon. For one thing it’s taking me way more than just one day to get out of hypercritical bitch mode. Being an asshole is an addiction, I swear.

Next up (okay, up someday but I might need reminders if you’re interested): How will I measure that I’m tuned up? -and- Why Being Healthy Scares the Fuck Out of Me

I’m totally going to use Nancy Kerrigan as my inspiration for this. I can’t believe I’m saying that.

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Hi! I’m Trixie!
Tasty Trixie blog Welcome to my blog and homemade porn site! I've been a proud WebWhore since the year 2000; I plan to make porn for the rest of my life! I hope you enjoy exploring my personal site whether it's getting to know me through my words or seeing me naked in my pictures, videos and webcams! -Trixie

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Trixie's bookshelf: read

The Sealed Letter
4 of 5 stars
Not as engrossing as Slammerkin, but interesting, informative and engaging as a fictionalized version of a true story exposing the lives of well-off women (and feminists and lesbians) in Victorian England.

It's hard to avoid comp...
tagged: 2010-consumption
Bottomfeeder: A Novel
4 of 5 stars
For some reason I *want* to only give this book three stars but that would be a lie; I didn't just "like it", I actually "REALLY liked it".

I'm not familiar with Fingerman's other work, but just being aware of...
tagged: 2010-consumption
The Lady Who Liked Clean Restrooms: The Chronicle of One of the Strangest Stories Ever to Be Rumoured About Around New York
3 of 5 stars
A cute little morbid trick of a book and so short I can say that I kind of enjoyed it. I appreciated the casual way considering whoring was treated, but am guessing it wasn't really casual and was supposed to illustrate just how far she had...
tagged: 2010-consumption
The Intuitionist
4 of 5 stars
I loved the atmosphere and tone of the book. I enjoy reading about characters who are socially isolated and/or solitary by choice. I also enjoy reading about the lives of machines especially when they're described with a touch of mysticism ...
tagged: 2010-consumption
Young Men in Spats
4 of 5 stars
I might have enjoyed this even more than the Wooster & Jeeves books. LOVED the last story, which was oddly disturbing (only mildly so, of course, which made it very surreal). Also appreciated the self-consciousness (again, MILD) regarding c...
tagged: 2010-consumption

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