Treasure Map

In cold cold February a surprise arrived at our box, in itself a BIG box:

The biggest box anyone's ever sent Trixie & Delia!

The biggest box anyone's ever sent Trixie & Delia!

Was this also the heaviest?

Was this also the heaviest box? Heavier than the rock box?

I was actually scared to open it because it was so big; what if I didn’t like whatever it was?

To BOTH of  us! I like that :)

To BOTH of us! I like that :)

So Delia unveiled it and I gasped and went to tears.


Cartography fan, naked.

It was/is exquisite – a beautifully framed antique map of where we live: Washington, before it was made a state, in 1853:


Antique map of Washington Territory

Included were details about the map – which I would tell you more about but I just spent over an hour trying to find the lovingly written information on it, which I put somewhere safe — somewhere important things go, somewhere that in February meant “respond to soon!” — but then I thought these pictures weren’t good enough, so I was going to take BETTER pictures, so the letter got shuffled to somewhere else to make way for other very-important do-soon stuff, so maybe I shouldn’t post this until I can find it, but I don’t have time to look through everything in my world (trust me, I don’t throw anything away if there’s even a remote chance it could be useful, let alone VERY IMPORTANT AND PRECIOUS as this is).

Holy shit, I was skinny 9 months ago!!

Holy shit, I was skinny 9 months ago!!

One of the things I remember is that part of what makes this particular map valuable is the COLOR, which was rarely used in maps of this kind at the time. But what makes it valuable to me is all of the things he couldn’t possibly fully appreciate that I appreciate and cherish, and the thoughtfulness, love, generosity and attention to detail he wrapped it in and imbued it with.


19th century map of Washington with color

My favorite thing Delia and I’ve had in our home these past ten+ years is this topographic, raised-relief map she and her ex-wife were given by a friend:

It's bumpy and awesome!!

Our other cool gift map is BUMPY!

These two maps of our region including the Strait of Juan de Fuca make perfect companions. The new antique map now means we have a COLLECTION!

I actually hesitated to hang up the antique map gift because I’m so concerned about sun damage. I thought maybe I should wait until we have our own house and a proper library or something to display it in. But that would be stupid not to enjoy it, so it’s on our south wall, facing north/dim light.

One of many “long overdue”s back at you, Shrdlu. I will never be able to catch up on all of the thank-yous, or spend as much time as I’d like simply gazing upon and studying all of the maps.


Pics taken with my phone on February 3rd and 23rd, 2012. Today I’m taking most of the day off of work  including phones, computers, interacting with people, etc. except to maybe go to the bank and harass the tellers.

After almost Four Hours . . .

I’ve spent well over three hours trying to craft two different nudie pic posts that both have turned out too complex to finish writing in any reasonable (and more importantly, healthily AVAILABLE) amount of time, so I’m sorry there will be no nudie pic for today.

Because now I don’t have time to eat AND get ready for my next show because I spent too much time on that and I (feel like I) suck.

Fairy Slipper Orchid

Sixth day of (Nude) Native Plant Appreciation week: these are little local orchids:


Calypso bulbosa, as Delia calls it, is in need of conservation. What little of it is left with places to grow is picked or trampled on by an abundance of stupid people and their hordes of dogs and stuff like that:


The point of this post is to tell you not to take some good shit for granted. A lot of nice stuff needs help and appreciation, like blog comments and joins from more than three or four of the same people every time if you want to see it stick around or you want more of it or to see it up-close and naked and smiling and stuff like that. Especially if it has a headache. Fortunately it’s in good company with World’s Most Beautiful Woman.


Last night we watched Madonna: Truth or Dare for the first time in YEARS; remember how she totally didn’t shoot herself in the head or act like she wasn’t awesome or CRY or even APOLOGIZE/act all guilty and sorry in the “documentary” for having to cancel shows when she had a sore throat and stayed home for weeks?

I’m so glad I don’t have someone who doesn’t even remember fingerbanging me begging me to be the godmother of her unborn baby. I need to remember that nobody is required to be gracious to Kevin Costner sporting a mullet calling your work “neat”. The awesome thing to do is be all Bette Davis bitchy-as-Margo-Channing to his ass. Also? You never stop wanting to be worshiped. And when you’re rich you actually have MORE technical problems to go with your MORENESS in general. So thanks for helping me in my midlife crisis, Madonna, and for so much more. Between you, Mr. Rogers and Larry Flynt I’ve been blessed with an abundance of inspiration and role-modelry.

Anyway, I can’t be trampling the ladyslippers to try to put my arm around them naked, but next time I’ll try to shoot them with the fancy camera.

When I turn forty I’m going to stop apologizing for stupid shit and begin living entirely guilt-free. Starting to practice . . . NOW!!

Shoot Planning Nudie Pics

Did you miss me on my day off yesterday?


Because we don’t have any real clothes closets at this house, a lot of our possible porno-shoot clothes are in a storage unit and/or boxed-up in plastic bins like these and stored in an area only reachable by ladder:


Some of the storage bins we keep "costumes" in.

We set aside a couple of days next week to shoot me, so today I got my eyebrows shaped and my blondeness reinforced. I’m past due to spend a couple of hours (at least) figuring out what and where we’ll be shooting – I wish I’d have done it last week so I’d have time to order anything special needed to complete a “look”. Example: there are a couple of pretty nightgowns I got for my birthday (thank you, Nugget!) that I want to have THE PERFECT panties to go with. Probably won’t happen now . . . will still be “perfect”, but I just wish I could do everything MORE perfect-er. In my head that is definitely a real concept. There’s perfectly acceptable, what was meant to be . . . and there’s micromanaged & tweaked to every detail being attended to perfection. Or at least getting a few things so perfectly right that the things that are totally mediocre are elevated.


Oh, look! It's the gangster hat I said I would never try to shoot in again!

Anyway, thanks for taking these pics and getting all of the bins down from the storage area, Delia. Even though most of what I’ll wind up using is in the cabin, I like to see what we’ve got.

I have no idea whether or not people realize how much planning and effort goes into our pictures, or whether it’s better that they do or don’t. I’m guessing some people realize, but most people don’t. In some ways it’s really cool if it all appears effortless. In other ways it sucks because I want people to know when we put a lot of effort into things.

I still have videos and picture sets left over from the last time we shot me (and some times before) that I haven’t had time to process and post for members, so in some ways I’d rather just spend those days doing that, but over the years I’ve learned that I really feel sad when we go more than six weeks without making new pictures. It’s like there’s a gaping undocumented void in my life. Doing the daily nudie pics here is more of a symptom of that compulsion than a cure.

Cabin: Day Two

9/4/2010 Cabin Day #2: Word Count: 3203

Before leaving home, I discovered voicemail from fix-it dude left last night. He called again as I was heading out the door. Very considerate, but I can’t think of a good time for him to come over to fix the shower so I say in an hour. This day is scratched because no matter how considerate anyone is, it is still an interruption or two or three. Four if you count having to talk on the phone. Should I wait for him to get here before I poop or hurry and try to push it out now and hope he doesn’t arrive mid-dump or soon thereafter (you can see and smell ALL in this cabin; the toilet‘s only 27% private)?

When will he be back to caulk it after assessing the job? Should I try to start working or wait for him to get back, finish, and be gone? Should I eat my potato salad or wait? Because you know I hate being interrupted when I’m eating or working; interruptions are diametrically opposed to The Purpose of The Cabin, at least on day two they are. And oops . . . What about the tools he left?

Point is, I still haven’t been naked in the cabin OR taken a nap!!!

Anyway, that whole business spanned the morning hours, including a field trip to the art store while I waited for him. I bought some soft colored pencils and black paper and got a mini-headache from some obnoxious twat wearing way too much perfume. I could’ve bought the electric skillet I want with that money but I decided colors are more in keeping with The Purpose of The Cabin than a skillet.

I started to draw some imaginary marsh plants (aka grass) in the back of the black sketchbook (I don’t want to ruin the front pages with my first “colour pencil” drawings) but it looked way better than I thought it would so I stopped because I was afraid I would ruin it. Instead I moved on to color a big girly I-Love-You heart for Delia while the fix-it guy caulked.

After he left I made Russian Caravan tea to sip with my potato salad (which the new guy at the store forgot to ring up so I got it for free, guiltlessly because I didn’t even notice his mistake until hours later) and another luna bar while watching an episode (The Grandfather) of Gossip Girl on my laptop, the only tv show we ever bought online to watch on the computer. This thing is so weak, though, that the video is all choppy. I only watched half. I wish I had a grey blazer like Chuck’s with a baby pink bowtie over a grey and white striped shirt. I’m too small and short to get suits off the rack, and even if I could afford Bass-like ensembles I’d wear them in a filthy wrinkled way. The cabin doesn’t have a spot to hang up long clothes and I’m glad. I haven’t showered in a week. I think I’m going to wait until this caulk cures and shower here, at the cabin, because it’s way nicer than our shower at home.

I know, Gossip Girl probably seems as diametrically opposed to The Purpose of The Cabin as fix-it man interruptions are, but I colored a fat junior-high heart for my girlfriend and have a book in here called “Tarot: Mirror to the Soul” (which I love in an almost totally non-ironic way) so maybe I’m not as earthy and/or sophisticated as you think I am.

It wasn’t my plan to stay at the cabin so many hours at a stretch, but I think I need to break it in real good before I can expect to accomplish anything. If things don’t work out tomorrow I’m going to work on my Chuck Bass impersonations and experiment with the toaster oven (I’ve never had/used one before).

I wonder if there’s any dream-come-true that doesn’t involve intellectually regressing to age ten?

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