TastyTrixie.com

Posts Tagged ‘pit bulls’

While I’m “busy” reflecting on and reconciling my laziness and aspirations, allow me to reassure you that I do still make porn with the assistance of my lovely girlfriend Delia, and sometimes it’s quite jolly, as evidenced by these still images snagged from the video I posted for members this week:

Do creampies make YOU smile too?

There are so many things I want to blog about, like the realization that threatening to shoot our white trash neighbor’s friend’s scary pit bull doesn’t exactly make me look “classier” than they are, but I gave myself a headache screaming “the house with the broken-down fence on the corner of Hemlock and Clinton! THE CORNER OF HEMLOCK AND CLINTON!!!” at the animal control phone dude who kept telling me to call back when I got a precise address. So now I’m just too exhausted and blinded with fear and rage to do a damn thing.

And no worries, the FIRST address I gave him of our much-nearer neighbor at the corner of asshole and why-is-half-of-your-mattress-still-decomposing-in-our-yard was correct; they’ve now been warned by the deputy who politely called me back to let me know the in-tact dog’s name is Bashful but I’m going to keep calling him Pitballs because I can’t get the scary sight of that dog’s big swinging nads out of my head. In fact I kind of enjoyed describing the dog as “a big brown pit bull with big swinging balls” to the animal control dude. I was like, “did you tell your deputy about the dog’s big swinging balls? There’s nothing else like them in this town so I think he’ll know him when he sees him”.

After that I drove around the neighborhood with the window rolled down, hollering at everyone I saw, “EXCUSE ME . . . are you missing a pit bull with big swinging balls? Because he found out I’m having my period and decided to come over to our place.”

While I was doing that I formally introduced myself to a lady who told me how she’s been walking through our backyard for years now. I was like, “oh no!!! We don’t like it when people do that because we’re usually naked on that side of the house with the big picture window.” She was like, “I know! But don’t worry about it . . . my meter man’s seen me naked a hundred times!” I didn’t know how to explain that this doesn’t make us anywhere near even, but whatever.

Speaking of porn and dogs, Delia wasn’t sure what words she can use to describe the video she’s going to post for members on Saturday. I told her it’s safe to tell people that I call her fans naughty puppy dogs, but she probably shouldn’t mention the way I discuss their “doggy dicks” (referring only to her human pets/fans/members).

I told her, “don’t type ‘doggy dicks’ anywhere on our sites” or our payment processor will probably sic their censor bots on us but playing it safe just seems so absurd to me now that I’ve stared into the jaws of death, sitting trapped in the car while that menacing dog paced around displaying his obscene genitalia. I’m going to take a bath now to wash off the stench of my own fear.

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