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Posts Tagged ‘privacy’

9/4/2010 Cabin Day #2: Word Count: 3203

Before leaving home, I discovered voicemail from fix-it dude left last night. He called again as I was heading out the door. Very considerate, but I can’t think of a good time for him to come over to fix the shower so I say in an hour. This day is scratched because no matter how considerate anyone is, it is still an interruption or two or three. Four if you count having to talk on the phone. Should I wait for him to get here before I poop or hurry and try to push it out now and hope he doesn’t arrive mid-dump or soon thereafter (you can see and smell ALL in this cabin; the toilet‘s only 27% private)?

When will he be back to caulk it after assessing the job? Should I try to start working or wait for him to get back, finish, and be gone? Should I eat my potato salad or wait? Because you know I hate being interrupted when I’m eating or working; interruptions are diametrically opposed to The Purpose of The Cabin, at least on day two they are. And oops . . . What about the tools he left?

Point is, I still haven’t been naked in the cabin OR taken a nap!!!

Anyway, that whole business spanned the morning hours, including a field trip to the art store while I waited for him. I bought some soft colored pencils and black paper and got a mini-headache from some obnoxious twat wearing way too much perfume. I could’ve bought the electric skillet I want with that money but I decided colors are more in keeping with The Purpose of The Cabin than a skillet.

I started to draw some imaginary marsh plants (aka grass) in the back of the black sketchbook (I don’t want to ruin the front pages with my first “colour pencil” drawings) but it looked way better than I thought it would so I stopped because I was afraid I would ruin it. Instead I moved on to color a big girly I-Love-You heart for Delia while the fix-it guy caulked.

After he left I made Russian Caravan tea to sip with my potato salad (which the new guy at the store forgot to ring up so I got it for free, guiltlessly because I didn’t even notice his mistake until hours later) and another luna bar while watching an episode (The Grandfather) of Gossip Girl on my laptop, the only tv show we ever bought online to watch on the computer. This thing is so weak, though, that the video is all choppy. I only watched half. I wish I had a grey blazer like Chuck’s with a baby pink bowtie over a grey and white striped shirt. I’m too small and short to get suits off the rack, and even if I could afford Bass-like ensembles I’d wear them in a filthy wrinkled way. The cabin doesn’t have a spot to hang up long clothes and I’m glad. I haven’t showered in a week. I think I’m going to wait until this caulk cures and shower here, at the cabin, because it’s way nicer than our shower at home.

I know, Gossip Girl probably seems as diametrically opposed to The Purpose of The Cabin as fix-it man interruptions are, but I colored a fat junior-high heart for my girlfriend and have a book in here called “Tarot: Mirror to the Soul” (which I love in an almost totally non-ironic way) so maybe I’m not as earthy and/or sophisticated as you think I am.

It wasn’t my plan to stay at the cabin so many hours at a stretch, but I think I need to break it in real good before I can expect to accomplish anything. If things don’t work out tomorrow I’m going to work on my Chuck Bass impersonations and experiment with the toaster oven (I’ve never had/used one before).

I wonder if there’s any dream-come-true that doesn’t involve intellectually regressing to age ten?

I must’ve had my head up my ass when I worried that reserving a cabin for three nights was too LONG for a porn-shooting trip without running water or electricity or phones or internet of any kind. More like NOT LONG ENOUGH.

Being in the woods on the Olympic Peninsula, the proper WET woods southwest of us (unlike what we have here in the dry rainshadow), always feels like heaven to me. I’m not exaggerating: HEAVEN. Like what it would/should look and feel like if there were to be that kind of a fantasy afterlife (except I wouldn’t have to be scared of having my scalp ripped off by a cougar in heaven, but I digress).

Anyway, it was great. FANTASTIC, the level of peace and tranquility I felt there. The lack of pressure and the way everything worked out just right. The way we had so much beautiful SPACE to sprawl out and shoot in with very little chance of intrusion. The way the weather couldn’t have been more perfect. The way we walked for miles.

And when we got home? I pretty much instantly fell apart into a nervous wreck.

It’s not that I think running off and living a “simple” life is the Answer to All My Problems or something I want on a daily basis (I don’t), but experiencing it for a few days did highlight some of the things that I desperately need to fix in real life (like not having so MANY options and obligations every second of every day).

It’s a small fix, but we’re going to get rid of DirecTV completely and of course just keep plugging away on the usual stuff with a better reminder of what we could have if we got ahead, just a little bit: the freedom to fall behind and drop out more often . . . AND make better porn because of it. It’s amazing how doing so much of my job every fucking day gets in the way of DOING MY JOB RIGHT.

Also, I have serious problems being distracted by every day life and PEOPLE and the noises they make and our computers and all of our shit, though, so coming home was like putting my head in a blender after all of that peace and quiet and fresh air. I know it sucks for voyeurs who want to watch a blissed-out horny woman rolling around in ecstasy or at least looking fresh and cute and bisected by cleavage but instead get me, frowning and muttering under my breath about how I’m going to shoot myself in the head if trivial problems and distractions interrupt my flow just one more fucking time. I am so sorry that has been the story of my lifecams for far too long.

Anyway, I would manually scratch all the skin off my left arm using the fingernails of my right if it would mean I could spend a third of my life in a cabin in the woods, peeing outside and eating pickled sausage on the back porch. Unfortunately I’ll have to go about things the hard way: plodding forward, tiny steps at a time.

FYI: I’ll try to post more about the magic of our little cabin experience. Also, I’m posting the rest of these pictures of me by the river on Monday for members. Delia is posting a set as I type this: see SAMPLE HERE – it is SO FUCKING AWESOME to be able to get almost any angle you want from whatever distance you want unconstrained by four walls.

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We have webcam shows (with masturbation and all that jazz) and members-only chat scheduled for tomorrow (Sunday) and Monday, so check out our schedule if you’re a member and perhaps we’ll see you then!